All That Glitters
by scarylolita
Summary: Even though they're part of the same clique, Sasuke and Naruto don't get along. It's always been that way, but things begin to change when Naruto gets his hands on Sasuke's phone and learns a few juicy tidbits about the stoic teenager. It becomes obvious that Sasuke isn't all that he pretends to be and Naruto can't help but want to know more. AU, NaruSasu.
1. A little honesty

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto. **

**So, here I am writing another AU fic~ This time it's high school themed and I'm writing in Naruto's POV rather than third person since it's hard for me to write third person haha. Also, I come from writing offensive South Park fics, so it's hard to get into the swing of writing Naruto fics. Forgive me for all the ooc behaviour that will ensue. Sasuke is going to be especially ooc because of _reasons_. So, if you hate the idea of Sasuke being an emotional mess, then this might not be the fic for you! Naruto is kind of mean in the start because he doesn't understand what's going on. **

**Warnings: suicide mentions, mental illness, blood, violence, noncon**

* * *

It's Thursday and here we are once again: I'm sitting on Sasuke's chest, locking his arms to his side with my knees. He's squirming and I'm whirling punches at him, knowing the girls are gonna hate me for harming his _pretty_ face. "Stop it, Naruto, you stupid brute!" my cousin Karin wails at me like this is all my fault. She kicks me in the back with her stiletto heel and I let out a groan. Yeah, that's definitely gonna bruise.

"Fucking hell, stay out of this!" I shout at her. While I'm yelling, Sasuke manages to wriggle an arm free, using it to punch me in the gut. I fall backwards and he stands up. Angrily, I do the same and we're once again on equal footing. He's in front of me and I'm in front of him. However, before either of us can make another move, Kiba arrives on scene and grabs me under the armpits, dragging me away from Sasuke.

"Dammit, Naruto, you idiot," he mutters. "The principal is going to murder you two."

Sasuke wipes his bloody nose and his eyes narrow at me. "Fucker," he spits.

"Right back atcha," I say, flipping the bird in his direction. When I turn to leave, I pale, noticing Tsunade standing with arms crossed and an explosive expression. "Shit," I mutter under my breath.

"Sasuke! Naruto! My office, now!" she demands.

* * *

I cross my arms, slumping in the seat in front of the principal's desk. Sasuke is seated next to me, looking stoic as ever. What a smug bastard. I just wanna keep punching him, but unfortunately that's the reason we're here in the first place. Across from us, Tsunade rubs her temples. "I swear…" she mutters. "You two _need_ to stop fighting – you're nearly eighteen years old and this has been going on for as long as I've known the two of you… which, may I add, has been since you guys were born."

I roll my eyes, but I know she's right. Tsunade is like the grandmother I never had – or maybe more like a crazy aunt. She hates being reminded of her age, though she looks damn good for an old lady. She's married to my godfather, Jiraiya. He's a writer. My dad named me after the protagonist in one of his books. Fortunately, it wasn't one of the pervy ones!

Me and Sasuke never got along, but the fights only started after we turned twelve. Sasuke used to have the upper hand, but after a series of rather intense growth spurts, I can top him easily… Okay, that came out wrong. I didn't mean top him like _that_. It's fair game since we're the same height, but Sasuke is slim while I'm broader.

We've known each other since we were born. There are pictures of us together as babies in old photo albums in my living room. There are even some hung on the walls. Why? Because our fathers work together in the same office. Just my luck. Our mothers met at a work event while they were both pregnant – having that in common, they've been best friends ever since. His dad is a bit of a jerk off. I guess that explains where Sasuke gets it. I think our parents wish we would get along, but I can't really see that happening… ever. Not that it matters. Their friendship isn't going to be ruined by the fact that their sons don't get along.

Sasuke's mom is a nurse. I can't begin to explain how many times she's patched me up throughout the years. I'm sure she's done the same for her own sons. My mom, on the other hand, doesn't work. She used to be a secretary, though. I think it's how she met Dad. She quit after they had me. They both agreed I was going to be a handful and didn't want to leave me alone. I don't mind that.

"Naruto," Tsunade continues, staring me dead in the eye, "If this persists, I'll be forced to remove you from the soccer team."

"What?" I gape. "No…!"

"Better work on that temper then," she smiles sweetly before turning to look at the bastard. "And same for you, Sasuke."

"I didn't even start it this time," Sasuke mutters, crossing one leg over the other.

"This time," she repeats, reading between the lines, "but you've started it on other occasions, I'm sure."

"Yeah!" I add. There's no way this prick is worming his way out of getting punished.

Tsunade groans. "One more time, boys. I swear. Sports are a privilege at this school and your popularity with the other students is not going to get you special treatment."

"Tsk," I click my tongue. This is bullshit.

"Detention on Friday," Tsunade finishes wearily. "You can do circulation in the library after school."

"Ugh," I groan. Friday detentions are the cruellest. "Are we done, then?"

"Yes," she sighs, waving us out of her office. "Go."

In unison, me and Sasuke stand. I shove past him and leave the room to find Sakura waiting for me. She looks angry. "Naruto," she growls my name, pulling on my ear.

"Ow," I moan as she drags me down the hallway. "Stop it, Sakura! This is boyfriend abuse!"

"You deserve it!" she exclaims, finally letting go of me. "You're the worst boyfriend ever!"

"Hey, that's not true!" I protest. Who am I kidding? It probably is.

"It is true!" she insists. "We don't even go on dates!"

I wrinkle my nose. "I'm broke," I tell her.

"You're always broke," she mutters.

"Sorry," I apologize. "All my money goes towards gas…"

She lets out a soft sigh. "It's fine," she says gently.

Me and Sakura began dating at the start of the school year. I think she finally realized Sasuke wasn't going to reciprocate her feelings, and she settled with me instead. Knowing that doesn't make me feel too great, but I'm just being honest with myself. I don't get why Sasuke wouldn't want to be with a pretty girl like Sakura. Sure, she's got some temper issues just like the rest of us… but she cares, deep down. It only feeds my suspicions that he's secretly gay. I mean, he _looks_ like a girl… But every time I express these thoughts, Sakura gets outraged. I've already come to the conclusion that she's still in love with him. That's okay, though… because I think I'm slowly falling out of love with her but we're going to keep this relationship going until we're both tired of it. Besides, she only likes him for his looks. It'll never fucking happen. It's lust, not love. It's shallow attraction.

When we were fourteen, Sakura asked me what Sasuke looks like without clothes. I wanted to puke…! Like hell I'd know the answer to that. It's not like I pay attention to the sausage fest going on in the locker room after practises. I don't want to get near another dude's naked body. No fucking thanks.

The majority of our clique has coupled up this year, so it seems… Ino and Sai finally hooked up, much to Sakura's chagrin. She once pined after him because he looked like Sasuke, but unfortunately she was only greeted with an insult to her looks in return. Shikamaru and Temari finally got exclusive, though it's long distance since she's off in university in her hometown. Kiba and Hinata got together a few months back and they seem pretty happy. Sasuke, on the other hand, has never even had a girlfriend. I don't know why, but he's got this NO-GIRLS zone up.

"Stop fighting with Sasuke," Sakura suddenly requests, as though she's reading my thoughts.

"Uh, yeah, not gonna happen," I tell her flat out.

"I don't get it," she says with a sigh.

"You don't get what?" I ask her, eyebrow raised in question.

"You claim not to like Sasuke… yet, you're always thinking about, always talking about him, always fighting with him…" she murmurs. "Why is that?"

"Uh, he pisses me off? Duh," I say with attitude.

"Why don't you just try and ignore him instead of acting out?" she suggests.

"It's not possible," I mutter. "I see him too much. Ignoring him isn't even an option."

* * *

After school, I drive Sakura to her house and then go home. "I'm here!" I holler, kicking off my shoes.

"Welcome back!" my mom calls from the kitchen.

I follow the sound of her voice and then ask, "What's for supper tonight?"

She smiles slyly at me. "We're having the Uchihas over. Me and your dad are going to be making –"

"Damn it!" I interrupt. "I've seen enough of that tool today!" It sucks that our parents are so close because me and Sasuke are forced to see a lot of one another. Too much.

"Naruto," Mom growls. "Behave yourself! You're such a good kid; you get along with everyone so why can't you get along with Sasuke? You could hurt him, you know. You're not kids anymore and these fights often get out of hand. Your principal called. I know you got into it with him again today. He's such a bright boy; you should try and be his friend."

I roll my eyes at the last statement. Sure, he's bright… about as bright as a fuckin' raincloud. He treats everyone like they're shit on the bottom of his shoes. That's a fact. He's awful good at putting on a happy face for parents and authority figures but when it comes down to it, he's an ass! People only like him because he's pretty – something nice to look at. Whatever, I'll even admit it. The bastard is a good looking guy, but that never stops me from punching him when he deserves it. He's got the emotional range of a brick. "Hell no," I say simply.

"Kiss and make up," Mom jokes.

I roll my eyes. "Hilarious." Me and Sasuke had the unfortunate experience of touching lips on one occasion when we were twelve and it will never happen again. NEVER! Sakura was so mad I thought she was going to kill me… and all because some little asshole decided to nudge me when Sasuke and I were mean mugging one another. Jeez. Our parents caught wind of it and it's become a story they enjoy reminding us of. Oh, well. First kisses are rarely magical.

I grab a ramen cup from the cupboard and peel back the cover, filling it with hot water. "Don't eat too much before supper," Mom warns.

"I won't," I assure her. I've got a pretty healthy appetite so this won't fill me up. "Hey, Mom?"

"Yes?" she asks.

"Why doesn't Itachi ever come around anymore?" I always liked him a hell of a lot more than Sasuke. I've asked this question about a hundred times, but I never get an answer. My mom smiles somewhat bitterly and shrugs. "I know Mikoto told you," I state flatly as I eat. "Why can't you tell me?"

"Naruto, sweetie, don't take this the wrong way… but I don't want to tell you because it's not yours to know," she says. "You and Sasuke don't get along and I don't want you to use this against him."

"I wouldn't do that!" I protest.

"Sometimes, in fits of anger, words slip out when you don't want them to," she reasons.

I let out a sigh, relenting. Itachi stopped coming around when me and Sasuke were fourteen. Sasuke was always a tool, but he was even worse after that. No one at school knows what happened. Mikoto and Fugaku kept it under wraps. I don't even think my dad knows – just my mom. My theory is that he's a nutter. As he got older, he began to say some pretty bogus stuff – I mean it, really weird shit came out of his mouth. It was like he couldn't help it, or maybe he didn't know what he was saying. I always humoured him, but Sasuke wouldn't. One day, Itachi just stopped existing. No one said his name and there were no longer photographs of him in the Uchiha house. After that, Sasuke missed two weeks of school. When he returned, he was even angrier than usual and our fights just got worse.

"If you were Sasuke's friend," Mom starts, "then he might tell you why – he might tell you what happened."

"Yeah, that's not ever gonna fly," I admit. "Besides, he has friends-ish and I doubt he's told any of them. He doesn't talk to people. If they know any of his secrets, it's probably because they did some snooping."

"How sad," Mom murmurs sympathetically. "Why can't you at least try?"

"I have," I admit. I've tried so many damn times to be nice to him. He doesn't make it easy, but I've still tried… I'm just tired of trying. "I've realized it's not worth the trouble."

After eating, I retreat to my bedroom to work on a couple of assignments for tomorrow. I'm not that great when it comes to school. I try, but I still maintain only a C average. Sasuke gets straight A's, naturally. "Ugh," I sigh to myself. Research papers are the worst. Our history class wants us to write papers on the old wars that happened in Konoha between neighbouring countries. I open my laptop and begin to gather sources. Usually, Sakura helps me with this part because I'm basically challenged when it comes with everything to do with school. I'm more of a hands-on kind of guy – all this book learning doesn't do much for me.

After choosing a few articles, I close my laptop. "That's enough for one day," I say to myself. Besides, it's almost 5PM and that means the bastard Sasuke and his parents will be here soon.

I run back downstairs and into the kitchen, where my parents are cooking dinner and just like that – the doorbell ring. "Tsk," I click my tongue.

"Be on your best behaviour tonight, Naruto," my dad gently warns as he goes to answer the door.

"Yeah, yeah," I say dismissively.

A minute later, he returns to the kitchen with Sasuke's parents, but Sasuke himself is nowhere in sight. "Hi, Mikoto. Hi, Fugaku," I greet, trying to sound polite. "Where's Sasuke?"

"Oh, he has appointments on Thursdays, remember?" Mikoto tells me with a forced smile, handing my mom a dessert tray. "We made a cake."

"How nice!" Mom exclaims, thanking her.

"Appointments… right," I mutter. It's been brought up before, but I never ask questions. He's probably mental or something. Maybe he's a sociopath – I wouldn't be surprised.

"He'll come over when he's done," Fugaku says in a voice that's cold and stern. He's pretty intimidating. If he was my dad, I'd probably be just as emotionally challenged as Sasuke is.

"So," Mikoto starts with humor evident in her tone. "Your principal called today and told me that you and Sasuke got into another tussle in the schoolyard."

"Uh, yeah, we did…" I laugh sheepishly and my mom clicks her tongue at me.

"He came home with quite an impressive bruise," Fugaku adds, "but I see you've got one to match."

"Yeah," I mutter, rubbing my swollen cheek.

* * *

After supper, Mikoto helps my mom wash dishes while Fugaku and my father play cards at the kitchen table. I'm about to go upstairs when the damn doorbell rings.

"Naruto, answer that will you?" Mom asks. "My hands are full."

"It's probably Sasuke," Mikoto adds.

Oh, joy. I saunter down the hallway, taking my sweet time before opening the front door. I force myself to stay quiet, allowing Sasuke to step inside. I don't really want to make a scene in front of our parents. He removes his shoes and walks past me. I grind my teeth, shutting the door and following him back into the kitchen. I hover in the archway, watching them interact.

"Hi, everyone," Sasuke greets with a fake and overly polite smile.

"Hello, Sasuke," my dad replies.

"Hi, dear," my mom adds.

"So sorry I had to miss dinner," he says sweetly.

"Oh, don't worry about it." My mom is always charmed by him. Everyone is. It's fucking annoying. "It's so nice of you to stop by."

"My pleasure," Sasuke says. As soon as my parents turn away, he stops smiling. He glances at me, looking angry that we have to be in the same room.

"Sasuke," Mikoto waves her bastard of a son over. "How did it go?" she asks.

"Fine," he tells her. "As always."

I can't help but be a little curious as to what the hell they're talking about, but still, I don't ask questions. I pretend not to hear what they're saying as I watch our fathers' card game.

"Why don't you boys watch television?" Mom suggests.

I cringe at the idea while Sasuke crosses his arms and says, "No thanks."

"Do it," Mom demands in a shrill tone, "and if we hear fighting, I'm taking away your PlayStation."

"Ugh, hell," I mutter. Nonetheless, Sasuke and I exit the kitchen and turn down the hall, into the living room. Wordlessly, we flop onto the sofa. He sits on one end and I sit on the opposite end. I grab the remote and turn the television on. I aimlessly channel surf, trying to find something to watch but there doesn't seem to be anything good.

"Just pick a channel," Sasuke hisses.

"I don't care," I spit back, throwing the remote onto his lap. "You pick something."

"I don't care, either," he says, not bothering to touch the remote sitting on his thigh. I reach forward and snatch it back, putting it on some random sports game.

"Why are you even here?" I mutter.

"My parents wanted me to," he says.

"Why the hell does it matter?" I ask. "And where the fuck were you?"

"That's none of your business." He crosses his arms, staring at the television and away from me.

"Is that why your parents wanted you to come over here after? To check on you?" I start to ask more questions, but he cuts me off.

"Shut the fuck up, Naruto," he says harshly. "You don't know when to stop talking. We hate each other and that means we aren't going to have conversations like this."

I can't help but smile at his anger. "You want to know something interesting?"

"What?" he bites.

"I don't hate you, Sasuke," I admit. "I pity you."

"Why's that?" he asks tersely.

"All you have are your looks," I start, "and that's why people like you – they like you because you're attractive… but guess what? Beauty fades. When you've lost your looks, you'll lose everything else because you didn't take the time to try and be a good fuckin' person."

He presses his lips together to form a thin line. He looks like he's trying hard to swallow his anger.

"What?" I ask lightly. "Can't handle the truth?"

"Shut up," he mutters.

"I try to be nice to you sometimes," I continue, "and in return, I get fed more of your insults and more of your angry, woe-is-me bullshit! I don't know why you're like this, but you need to get over yourself."

He swallows harshly, letting out a breath. He closes his eyes and for a few minutes, he doesn't say anything. "I hate you so much," he whispers after a long pause. His voice breaks as he says it. "Even if you don't hate me… it doesn't matter. I still hate you."

"That's fine," I tell him carelessly. "I couldn't give two shits."

When he opens his eyes, they're glassy and I wonder if I'm the first person ever to call him out like this. Everyone else is either too scared to, or is blind to his bad side. Clearly, he can't handle it. He stands up and retreats to the kitchen. "Mom…?" I hear him say, voice wavering. As bad as it sounds, I kind of want him to start crying, but I know he won't.

"Honey, what's wrong?" I hear Mikoto asks sadly.

"I'm going home," is all Sasuke says in response. Without another word, he's gone and his mother enters the living room. Great. She's probably going to get sour at me for bitching at her precious baby boy.

Mikoto sits next to me, letting out a quiet sigh. "What did you say to him?" she asks gently. "I won't be angry."

"I didn't say anything mean," I tell her.

"Okay," she nods, urging me to continue.

"I told him I didn't hate him…" I start. "I told him I pitied him because he acts so cold and it's not gonna get him anywhere in life. Most of the kids at school like him for the wrong reasons. Girls like him because they think he's pretty and the guys like him because he's helped win a lot of soccer games… but no one knows him. I told him once he's older and his looks fade away, he won't have anyone because he's not a good person. He won't have any redeeming qualities left… Then I told him to get over himself." I pause and then add, "Okay, so I guess it was kind of mean, but I felt like I had to say it. I feel like I probably wanted to say all that for a long time. I don't know why the words came out now. Everyone's getting tired of our fights, so maybe I'm getting tired of them too…"

"Oh," Mikoto says quietly. "Is this all true?"

"Yeah," I murmur. "My girlfriend thinks she is in love with your son, y'know… and he treats her like shit, calls her annoying to her face… but I know she doesn't like him for the right reasons. She doesn't even know him and how can someone love a person they don't even know? She doesn't love him. She loves the idea of him. That's what she fell in love with – the idea of him…" I shake my head and sigh. "For a long time, I spited Sasuke for that reason because I wanted her so badly, but it's not like he could help it."

Mikoto smiles sadly, taking my hand. "Part of me is glad you said that to him," she says.

"Really?" I ask, mildly surprised. "Why?"

"You upset him," she adds. "I could see it – I haven't seen him like that in a long time. He's usually so…" she trails off.

"Apathetic? Numb? Uncaring? Stoic?" I finish, giving her a list. Then again, sometimes he's fucking crazy. I guess it depends what kind of day it is.

She nods, frowning. "Perhaps part of me hopes it will help him change and grow."

"Yeah, maybe," I mutter. For everyone's sake, I hope so… Hell, for Sasuke's sake, too. No one deserves to be alone, even a bastard like him. If he ever finds himself alone and in the dark, he'll probably only become an even crueller guy.

She smiles sadly. "Deep down, however… I don't think it will happen. Sasuke can't help the way he is. It's not his fault."

"Really?" I murmur.

"Sasuke… he doesn't talk to me," Mikoto continues. "I wish he did, but he doesn't say a word. He was a sweet child… very loving. He always yearned for his father's attention and when he was praised he would absolutely beam." She talks so fondly, it makes me feel bad that she got landed with such a sour kid. "He always sought after Itachi's attention, too… They were so close."

"Yeah, I remember… What happened?" I ask.

She frowns solemnly. "A lot," she says vaguely, letting go of my hand. "Anyway, please be careful what you say to him."

"Right…" I murmur slowly.

"Thank you for being honest with me, Naruto… and with Sasuke, too."

"You're welcome…" I tell her, not sure of what else to say. I feel like she's thanking me for insulting her son to his face… but maybe she's just hoping something good will come from it. Probably not! I don't think Sasuke is going to learn that easily. He doesn't strike me as the kind of guy to learn a lesson without making a lot of mistakes first. He'll continue to learn things the hard way.

Oh, well! It's not my problem.

Mikoto pulls her cellphone out of her pocket a moment later and makes a call. "Sasuke ran off," she says into the phone receiver. "Yes… Please go check on him. He favours you. Yes. Wonderful, thank you again."

"Who was that?" I ask once she hangs up.

"Shisui," she says. "Sasuke's cousin."

"Oh," I mumble.

Jeez, Sasuke is such a loser.


	2. Sasuke's nudes

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto. **

**I used to work in a library – circulation was the worst thing ever. Real talk.**

* * *

Friday goes by slowly – probably thanks to the fact that I'm dreading detention. Ugh. After school, I make my way to the library. Sasuke is already here, of course. He doesn't bother sparing me a glance as he wheels a cart past me. He's probably still mad at me for what I said last night. The thought makes me wanna chuckle, but I'll hold it in.

"Hi!" I happily greet the librarian.

"Hello, Naruto," she warily greets in return. She's used to seeing me and Sasuke here. It's where we spend most of our detentions, so she should be thankful for the help! "You know what to do," she adds, pointing to a few carts of books.

"Got it," I grin, taking one and wheeling it to the first aisle. We work silently and whenever my path crosses Sasuke's, he turns his back to me. What a riot.

After two hours of circulation, the librarian tells us we can leave. Finally! Time to start enjoying the weekend.

Sasuke rushes out of the room so he doesn't have to face me. I get a few things out of my locker before leaving the school leisurely. In the parking lot, I spot Sasuke's car. He's sitting in the driver's seat talking on his cellphone. Well, it actually looks like he's shouting instead of talking.

I roll my eyes at the sight before continuing to my jeep, but something stops me. I hear Sasuke's car door open. He throws himself out of the car, dropping his phone on the pavement in the process and rushing towards a nearby trash can. He proceeds to vomit into it and I'm wondering whether or not I should see if he's okay. "Hey!" I call, approaching him. His shoulders tremble and he convulses over the trash can before throwing up again. "What the fuck?" I ask. "You good?"

He spits, moving away from the trash can and wiping his mouth on his sleeve in an unceremonious fashion. How unlike him. "Just peachy," he mutters cynically, walking past me.

"Sasuke –" I start, but he cuts me off.

"Fuck off!" he shouts at me, eyes wide and angry. "Seriously, just fuck off!"

I'm not fazed. I follow him back to his car, spotting his iPhone on the pavement. "Well, it's not broken," I tell him, picking it up. What a surprise. iPhones aren't exactly durable. The screen is still lit and I can see his recent call history. He was just on the phone with his mother. Weird. I wonder what she said that got him so riled up. Before I can turn around and hand it back, Sasuke is in his car, tires screeching as he exits the school parking lot. "Huh…" I shrug, staring back down at his phone. I close the recent calls screen and open up his text messages. There's nothing interesting – just one from his mom asking him when he's going to be home… some from Suigetsu, Juugo and then some from a few unknown numbers… including one I recognize as my cousin – Karin. She's obsessed with Sasuke for the same reason as Sakura. It doesn't look like he's responded to any of the girls and he replies to Suigetsu and Juugo are short and curt. Nothing interesting. What a jackass. I decide to look at his photos, but as soon as I open the screen I wish I didn't. "Oh, wow," I murmur to myself as an array of nudes greet me. There he is: on his back with his legs spread… This is more of Sasuke than I _ever_ wanted to see – like the locker room sausage fest wasn't enough. I frown, scrolling down. He's on his stomach, ass cheeks spread for the camera – but that's not what has me frowning. I zoom into the photo and see that there are cuts in his back, the kind that couldn't possibly have been self-inflicted. I can't believe I've never noticed them before. I've had enough chances to take a peek in the school locker room. Then again, I'm one of the guys who tries damn hard _not_ to stare at other naked dudes.

There's a hand on Sasuke's ass in another picture. It clearly belongs to a man. Well… now I _know_ Sasuke is gay! I fucking knew it, I fucking _knew_ it! I could show these to Sakura. I could use this as proof to out him, but I'm not like that. Instead, I close the screen allow the phone to lock itself so I won't be tempted to do something stupid. I don't know his password, so there's no way I can get back into it. I really need to learn to mind my own business. It's weird, though. None of the photos look like they were taken by him – they're all just _of_ him. In some of them he's getting fucked, but you can only see his face. No one else's.

Well, I'm sufficiently disturbed. And I think I'm blushing, but that's pretty understandable. Anyone would blush if they saw these! Half the porn I've watched hasn't even been as lewd as those photos…

Oh, well. If I'm going to be realistic, it's not _that_ scandalous. Teenagers do this kind of shit all the time. Me and Sakura once made a sex tape. That's probably a little worse than some naked photos… though the tape _was_ pretty vanilla.

I pocket the phone, get into my jeep and drive home, refusing to think about Sasuke's fuckin' nudes.

* * *

The following morning, my mom asks me to drop off the cake tray that Mikoto and Fugaku brought over. "Fine," I sigh. They always make me do this shit and Sasuke's parents are no different. I think they all want us to somehow magically become friends. No matter how many times we fight, or how much we assure them it's not going to happen, they aren't swayed.

Fortunately, Sasuke only lives down the street from me so it's not that big of a walk. I stroll up their driveway and ring the doorbell twice. A moment later, Sasuke answers. He looks messy, like he didn't bother showering today. Or maybe he slept in. It makes me want to laugh because he's usually impeccably neat. His hair is stuck up in even odder angles than usual. He's wearing a loose t-shirt that's slipping off his right shoulder plus pair of thin, cotton pajama pants and I can see the outline of his fuckin' dick in them. "Dude," I state with a grimace. This guy is shameless, I swear. Then again, so am I.

He doesn't look fazed. "What the fuck do you want?" he asks groggily, rubbing his weary eyes.

I hold up the tray with an irritated sigh. "My parents wanted me to return your Tupperware."

"How nice," he says tartly, taking it from me. "Is that all?"

"No," I smile sweetly, digging his phone out my pocket and holding it up. "You also left this in the parking lot last night."

His eyes widen. "So, that's where it went…"

"Yep," I say, grinning.

"Did… Did you look through it?" he asks carefully.

I could lie to him, or I could be honest and revel in his reaction. Yeah, I think I'll choose the latter option. "I sure did," I admit. "I couldn't help myself. Don't lie and say you wouldn't've done the same."

He flushes. "Did you…" he trails off, biting his lip.

"Yeah, I saw the photos," I admit, sobering. He closes his eyes, cheeks bright pink. He holds out his hand, not uttering a word. "Say please," I coo at him, dangling the phone tauntingly.

"Please give me my phone," he murmurs and I place it on the palm of his hand.

"Hey…" I start with a frown. "Why do you have photos like that anyway?"

He lets out a cut laugh. "Fuck off! You don't get to ask me questions, _Uzumaki_. We're not friends!" Ah, he's using my family name. He must be _really_ pissed with me. Well, I _know_ he's pissed. He's been angrier lately.

"I know," I state. "You don't have any friends, do you? Just people you allow to stand next to you… I'm not going to tell anyone if that's what you're worried about," I add.

He rubs a hand down his face and I see his throat contract as he swallows. "Okay," he murmurs hoarsely.

"Did you want the photos to be taken?" I ask. "Because you didn't look happy in them."

"Do I _ever_ look happy?" he retorts. "Do I _ever_ smile in pictures?"

"No," I say.

"There yah go," he mutters. "Now are we done here?"

"Yeah, we're done," I say with a sigh, turning around and going home. I hear him slam the door a split second later.

Yikes.

* * *

Since it's Saturday, I decide to go to a party over at Kiba's place. His parents are out of town, so it's the perfect chance to have a little fun.

I get dressed in a pair of jeans and an orange t-shirt before driving to Sakura's house. She comes out wearing a nice red dress. "You look pretty," I tell her as she gets into the passenger seat. She smiles in response, leaning forward and pecking me on the lips.

Kiba lives in the outskirts of Konoha. He has a big yard near a forest and every time he has a party, someone usually gets lost in it. Not gonna lie, sometimes it's me. When I'm drunk enough, bad ideas sound great. One time when we were all sixteen, I got so lost in there that they can to call the cops to come find me. Ah, good times…

When we get there, Kiba is already drunk, hanging off Hinata who looks concerned as ever. "Yooo!" he greets us in a long slur. "Glad'yah guys could make it!"

"Sure, dude," I say with a laugh. "You look like you're feeling good."

"Feelin' _great_," he corrects me pointedly.

"Awesome, buddy," I laugh some more, patting him on the shoulder. I wrap an arm around Sakura and we both enter the kitchen. On the counter there are countless bottles of alcohol. "So," I say to Sakura, playing bartender, "What can I getcha?"

"Vodka and lemonade," she says with a smile.

I mix her drink before mixing my own – a rum and coke. We wander throughout the party and once she spots Ino, she ditches me. I don't mind. I continue into the rec room and spot Suigetsu, Juugo, Shikamaru and Chouji playing a card game around a coffee table. "Hey, guys," I greet.

"Yo," Shikamaru says.

"Hey, Naruto," Chouji grins.

"What are you guys playing?" I ask.

"Flip, sip or strip," Suigetsu says. "Just kidding, it's cribbage, hence the board."

"Oh, darn," I say jokingly. "I really wanted to get naked with you fine lads."

"All jokes aside, don't you have a girlfriend?" Suigetsu asks with humour.

"Yeah," I shrug, flopping next to him. "So, what?"

"Shouldn't you be faithful?" Juugo cuts in.

I let out a laugh. "My relationship with Sakura is kind of a joke… though it didn't used to be. I think we once had something better than what we have now… but we both cheat on each other. She knows it and I know it. We're just on a _don't ask don't tell_ basis." I don't know what Sakura's kill count is since we started dating, but in the past month alone I've slept with Shion, Amaru and Isaribi. It doesn't make me feel too good about myself, though, if I'm going to be honest. It's pretty spiteful of me to do shit like this. Maybe that's why I always feel so crappy afterward.

"That's messed up," Suigetsu snorts, adding his two cents.

"I guess," I admit. "Hey, you and Juugo are friends with Sasuke, right? Is he here?"

"Yeah, I think so," Suigetsu murmurs offhandedly. "We dragged him here, but he might've left."

"I saw him about an hour ago," Juugo confirms. "Why?"

"Just wondering," I shrug.

Suigetsu glances up at me, not believing it. "I call bullshit," he says.

"Fine, I'm curious," I admit. "What's wrong with him lately?"

"I don't know. I just know he's always popping those damn pills," Suigetsu murmurs, catching my attention.

"What pills?" I can't help but ask.

"He used to take the kind that he hoped might have made him okay," he mutters, "that might have made him forget things and just be fucking normal for a change… but I think he just takes pills to help him sleep now." He cracks a smile at me, showing off an array of filed teeth. "I shouldn't be telling you any of this, though… should I? Sasuke hates you and you hate Sasuke."

I just shrug my shoulders. "I'm a dick to him because he's a dick to me. I'm not going to treat him special just 'cause he's fucked in the head or anything, but I also wouldn't use it against him… Besides, I don't hate him. I pity him because he's such a bastard."

Suigetsu laughs at that. "True enough…"

"The pills were for PTSD," Juugo cuts in offhandedly. "Prozac. You're right, though. He doesn't take them anymore because they triggered his mania. He takes lithium now, not sleeping pills."

"Shit… seriously?" I ask, jaw dropping and he only nods in response. "That's heavy…"

"How the hell do you know?" Suigetsu questions Juugo. "I didn't even know that part."

"He talks to me if he's drunk enough," Juugo says simply. "I listen quietly, only speaking when he asks me to while you add a stupid comment every two seconds. He hates that." Suigetsu just rolls his eyes once Juugo is finished talking. I find it surprising that Sasuke actually talks to Juugo. I didn't think he spoke to anyone.

"What happened to Sasuke, anyhow?" I ask.

Suigetsu shrugs and Juugo says, "It's not your business. It's not our business either. I've told you so you know and can be a little more sensitive, but we should all probably stop talking about him."

"Is that your way of telling me that you don't know?" I question. Juugo looks mildly humoured, but he doesn't reply. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, though. Sasuke has always lacked the proper coping skills and his father's constant expectations put a lot of stress on him.

Speak of the devil – I spot Sasuke enter the rec room, looking flustered. He's stumbling and his fly is undone, causing me to wonder who he just let into his pants. Gross. "Hey!" Sasuke slurs to his two friends, probably wordlessly asking for help.

I grimace at his current state. "Awesome," I mutter sarcastically.

Suigetsu lets out a sigh. "Here we go… We better go fetch him before he does something stupider than whatever he's done thus far," he says. "Sorry to end the game early," he says to Shikamaru and Chouji before nodding to Juugo, who stands up. The two of them wander towards Sasuke, who looks really confused. They exchange a few words, Suigetsu buttons Sasuke's jeans back up and the three of them leave the room.

"What the fuck was that all about?" I mutter to Chouji and Shikamaru."That was weird."

"Who the hell knows?" Shikamaru says dismissively. "Not my business, so I'm staying out of it… it's too troublesome to get involved."

I roll my eyes. "Naturally."

Chouji stuffs his face with chips, looking mildly oblivious to everything that just happened. At least it was only us in the room. Hopefully no one else had to see Sasuke looking that trashed. Hell, I've never even seen him looking this trashed before. I wonder what is going on…

* * *

Come morning, I wake up in an empty bathtub with Kiba. I have no fucking idea why. At least we're both wearing our clothing so I doubt anything scary happened. "Hey," I shake him awake.

He shifts slightly before opening bleary eyes. "Dude, what the fuck?" he asks once he sees me.

"My sentiments exactly," I snort. The both of us get up and leave the bathroom, trying to find our girlfriends. I wonder who else crashed here. I spot a few unconscious bodies in the living room, Ino, Hinata and Sakura amongst them. "Hey," I whisper to her. "Sakura?"

She opens her eyes a moment later, sitting up. "Hey," he says, voice laced with fatigue. She untangles herself from Ino, standing up and following me out of the room. I wave to Kiba before going. Wordlessly, Sakura and I leave the house together, squinting as the sun greets us with its cruelly bright rays.

What a miserable morning. It's times like this that make me wonder why me and Sakura even bother to date anymore. We have nothing to say to one another. Not a damn thing.

She gets in the passenger seat of my car, pushing the seat back and lying down, eyes closed. I get in the driver's seat and make my way to her house. Her parents are probably going to skin her alive once she gets home. They hate when she spends the night away from home. They nag a lot and Sakura doesn't hesitate to scream at them. There have been many awkward instances where I've been forced to listen to them all argue over really stupid stuff.

After dropping Sakura home, I drive to my own house. My parents greet me with forced smiles. "Hung over?" Dad asks expectantly.

"Mm…" I groan, pressing a palm to my forehead. I can't believe I was able to drive home without throwing up on myself. Amazing.

"Go lie down," Mom suggests with a sigh. "I'll bring you a glass of water and a painkiller."

"Mhm…" I mumble, squinting as I go to my room. I peel off my clothes, sitting naked in bed with the sheets pooled around my waist. My mom enters a minute later.

"Here," she hands me a glass of water and a little, white pill. I thank her, swallowing the pill and washing it down with the water. "I'll get you a cloth," she adds, leaving the room again.

I place the half empty glass on my nightstand and lie down, pulling the sheets to my chest. I close my eyes, fearing my mom return once again. I hear the padding of her feet on the wooden floor as she approaches my bed. She places a wet, cold cloth on my forehead before saying, "The key to avoiding hangovers is to say hydrated. If you're going to drink, at least be smart about it."

"Go…" I moan. "Not now." I'm really not up for getting scolded.

* * *

When I wake up, I feel even worse. I sit up and my stomach lurches. I get out of bed and run across the hallway, immediately tossing my guts into the toilet. I just hope my mom doesn't hear, 'cause I'm still naked and that would be awkward. Well, my dad's at work so hopefully my mom is busy, too… I cough, shuddering and convulsing grossly. I spit into the bowl and the bathroom door swings open as I'm wiping my mouth off. My mom is standing in the doorway with a frown. She turns the lights on and I squint at the brightness. "Great," I murmur to myself before announcing, "I'm naked."

"I see that…" she says, turning the light back off. She disappears, a moment later, returning with a blanket. She wraps it around my shoulders before sitting on the floor alongside me. This time, she keeps the lights off.

Since I feel too sick to care, I try to forget that my mom is sitting here watching. I stick my finger down my throat, exciting my gag reflex once again. At least it's dark in here. "Uagh," I puke again and my mom rubs circles around my back. After doing this for quite some time, my stomach is probably empty. "I don't need to puke anymore," I admit.

"Good," Mom says. "Remind me to smack you once you're feeling better, okay?"

"Okay…" I guess I deserve it. I reach up and flush the toilet, washing away the evidence of my unfortunately potent hangover.

"So, why did you drink that much?" she asks. "You never come home sick like this…"

"I don't know," I admit, leaning against the wall. "I'm just stressed out."

"What about?" she pries.

"School, my girlfriend, my future," I list before adding, "Sasuke." Though, I'm not quite sure what makes me add him to the list. I guess it's this new side of him I was unwillingly introduced to. Something changed. I don't want to feel guilty, but I do.

"Sasuke?" she repeats in a questioning tone.

"I told him off the other day and I don't know why…" I admit, "but I feel like I did something to him. I know I shouldn't care because I was just being honest, but now he's acting all sour and freaky." Plus, the unsettling photos I found on his cellphone aren't making things any easier. Now my head is full of questions about Sasuke. I just wish I wasn't so damn nosy. I wish I didn't see those photos.

"He's upset lately, isn't he?" Mom asks knowingly.

"Yeah, I have no clue why," I say. "Was it what I said?"

"Ah, right. Mikoto told me about your little speech…" She shakes her head. "No. Don't worry about that, but it's probably best you keep those opinions to yourself from now on. He knows how you feel, but try not to make him feel bad."

"Okay," I say with a sigh. "He was even drunker than I was last night. He was in total disarray. Two of his buddies had to take him home early… and…" I trail off, choosing not to mention his apparent promiscuity.

"Oh, my," Mom frowns. "Well… I suppose it won't hurt to tell you why he's acting out – you'll find out soon enough."

"I will?" I ask.

She nods before revealing, "Itachi is returning on Monday, so Sasuke might not be in school."

My eyes widen and my jaw drops. "Itachi? Really?" She nods once more and I ask, "Where was he? And why is Sasuke so worried about it?"

She chuckles bitterly. "I'm sorry, but that part… I can't tell you. It's Sasuke's story to tell if he so chooses."

"Damn it," I mutter. Oh, well… Me and Itachi were on decent terms, so maybe he'll tell me where he went.

"Now, what's going on with Sakura?" she then asks, changing the subject.

"It's just… not like it used to be, I guess," I say. Plus, I keep screwing around with other girls and I don't know why because as soon as it's over I feel like crap about myself and I never learn from it. I keep repeating my mistakes. "We cheat…"

"Well, she's your first girlfriend, right?" Mom says knowingly. "It's rare for your first love to be your only love."

"I doubt it was love," I murmur.

"Nonetheless," she continues. "Sometimes relationships fall apart and that's okay. Sometimes it's inevitable. You can be sad about it, but don't let it bring you down too much. Don't dwell and if she made you happy, even if only for a short time, don't regret it."

"Okay," I force a smile. I'll try to do just that.

"Do you have anyone else in mind?" she asks, eyes glimmering at the potential. She takes an avid interest in my romantic life. I guess it's normal. All moms want their sons to be happy and to settle down with a nice girl.

Nonetheless, I shake my head slowly. "Sakura is like… the only girl I've ever had feeling for," I admit. "I mean… I've screwed around with other girls… but I've never felt for any of them."

"Too much information, sweetie," Mom laughs, "but all right… it's okay, you know. Sometimes it takes time to find the person who is right for you."

"I don't know why I keep doing it," I admit weakly. I know it's weird to talk to your mom about this kind of shit, but I don't have anyone else to talk to. I used to tell Sakura things, but I can't tell her _these_ things. Our relationship changed a lot once we got together – it became purely physical. I miss the friendship part of it. I miss being able to talk to her about things that actually matter. I can't do that now. We got into a habit of just messing around and now it's hard to be real with one another.

Mom inches closer, putting her arm around me. "Sometimes people do things to distract themselves when they're hurting."

"I didn't think I was hurting," I say, "but maybe I've just been trying hard to ignore it…" I guess I'm lonely. Maybe it would be best to end things with Sakura after all.

"Maybe," she says, playing with my hair. "Everyone makes mistakes. It's impossible not to. Just try to learn from them."

"Okay," I murmur softly. We both stand up a moment later. In my room, I down the rest of the water glass from my nightstand before lying back in bed. My mom fetches another cold cloth, putting it on my forehead again. "I'm downstairs if you need me," she says before leaving.

What a crap way to spend Sunday – too hung over to budge an inch.


	3. Break up

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.**

**I'm super hungover, so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes in this chapter haha. **

**Anyway, thanks for the reviews, guys! They're encouraging :)**

* * *

Just as my mom suspected, Sasuke doesn't show up to school on Monday. Naturally, Sakura and Karin immediately notice. No big surprise there. "Why isn't Sasuke here?" Karin asks me during lunch break. "He isn't the type to miss classes."

"How the fuck would I know?" I snap, crossing my arms as we sit at a table in the cafeteria.

"Because your parents are friends with his," Sakura states, as if the answer were completely obvious. She sits down next to me while Karin takes the seat across from us.

"Right," I mutter, "but I still have no idea." I decide to lie. I don't need Sasuke to hate me more than he already does. That'll just make my life painful. I don't want to keep fighting with the bastard. He has a good way of sucking out all my energy and I want it to stop. I would ignore him, but I've tried and he makes it damn near impossible. I don't know why. He has enough on his plate as it is – like Itachi, for example. He shouldn't keep starting shit with me if he has bigger fish to fry.

I really don't get what happened between Sasuke and Itachi. They used to be so close. I remember it. Sasuke was happier back then. He was happiest when Itachi was paying attention to him, praising him… He's always been a sour guy, but he smiled around his brother. It was almost weird to see. Sasuke doesn't smile much now unless he's feeling especially elated. Those moments are few and far between… but come to think of it, it's probably the mania – just as Juugo revealed. I feel like the fact that he's manic depressive probably explains a lot about why Sasuke does some of the things he does.

* * *

Come Tuesday, Sasuke shows up at school looking like nothing is amiss and Karin immediately latches onto his arm when she spots him in the hall. "Where were you yesterday?" she asks, not missing a beat.

"None of your business," Sasuke replies flatly, trying to shake her off but to no avail. Her grip is iron.

I pinch the bridge of my nose. Sakura looks angry at Karin for being that close to Sasuke. I wonder I if I would feel better about myself if I broke up with Sakura. I wonder if this relationship is what's got me down. I said that we'd probably wait to end it until we're tired of it, but maybe I'm already tired. It's hard… relationships are hard, but I didn't think they were supposed to feel like this. I guess I don't know much about this kind of stuff. Sakura always tells me I'm a bad boyfriend, so it must be true. Maybe breaking up would be the best – for both of our sakes.

"Sakura," I say her name in a murmur.

"What is it, Naruto?" she asks offhandedly, still staring at Sasuke and Karin.

"I… I want…" I trail off and pause. "Can you look at me?"

She doesn't respond. She's not even fucking paying attention to me.

"Sakura?" I say her name again.

Still nothing.

"Sakura!" I raise my voice.

"What?" she snaps, turning to face me. "What do you _want_?"

I feel myself choke up. I don't know why. I feel like we're twelve years old again and Sakura is telling me I'm a moron and how she wishes I was more like Sasuke. Fuck that. Fuck that! I deserve more than this, don't I?

"I'm waiting, Naruto," she says after a moment of silence. She crosses her arms and urges me to talk.

"I want to break up," I tell her bluntly.

She looks surprised. "What?" she asks.

"I want to break up," I tell her once more.

She stares around the hallway, glancing at the other students – some are oblivious and some are staring at us. "Why?" she asks.

"Because you make me unhappy," I admit and my voice breaks, "and I know relationships are fucking hard, but I know I'm not supposed to feel like this, either."

Sakura closes her eyes and sighs. "I only dated you… because I knew you wanted me," she says. "I never felt anything for you. I just wanted to be wanted."

I let out a laugh that sounds like a sob. "That's really fucking stupid, you know… That's… That's so awful…"

"I know," she whispers.

I swallow harshly, refusing wholeheartedly to cry in front of a hallway of students. I shove my books back into my locker.

"What are you doing?" Sakura asks.

"Going home," I tell her, slamming the door shut and turning around. Screw school. Sasuke and Karin are staring blankly at me as I leave, but I pay them both little mind.

Fuck 'em all.

* * *

When I get home, my parents ask me what I'm doing back so early but I can't bring myself to answer them. I kick off my shoes and lock myself away in my room. I shrug out of my jeans and get into my bed wearing my boxer shorts and t-shirt. I feel lighter in a way, but heavier in others and I still feel like crying…

A minute later, there's a knock at my door. "What?" I call.

"Naruto?" It's my mom. "Unlock the door!" She rattles the knob loudly and doesn't stop. I let out a groan, getting out of bed and opening the door for her.

"What is it?" I sigh at her as I burrow back under my covers.

"Why are you skipping school?" she asks, sitting at the edge of my bed.

"Because," I say vaguely.

"Because why?" she pries. "Give me a solid answer and I won't drag your ass out of here."

"I told Sakura I wanted to break up," I admit. "She was surprised… but then she said something hurtful."

"What did she say?" Mom frowns.

I let out a breath. "She told me she never even felt anything for me. She said the only reason she was with me was because she wanted to feel wanted. Funny."

"Oh, no," Mom sympathizes.

"I'm… I'm really angry," I say. My voice cracks and I feel the waterworks coming. This time, I let them. "I deserve to be angry, don't I?"

"Yeah, honey," Mom says. "You're hurt… you can be angry. It'll pass, though. It always does."

I don't bother wiping my tears. For now, I just continue to let 'em fall. I remember when Sakura finally agreed to go out with me. I was ecstatic. I was even more ecstatic when one date turned into two, which turned into three and then I asked her to be my girlfriend. I was over the moon when she said yes. But then our entire relationship changed. It was ruined. We no longer spoke. All we did was sleep together. I guess I should have known. There needs to be a healthy balance. We didn't have a healthy balance. There were nights she'd call me over just for sex and then she'd kick me out, claiming she didn't want her parents to know she had a boy in her room. I guess I was kind of like her booty call. How fucking depressing is that? I'm so stupid sometimes. I'm too desperate. Sakura and Sasuke are right about that… Oh, well. Things will only get better from here. At least the worst part is over.

"Are you all right?" Mom asks gently, reaching forward and touching my cheek.

"Yeah," I force a smile, finally wiping my eyes. "I think I just needed to let it out."

"Okay," she says, standing up. She kisses the top of my head and then says, "Take it easy today. You can go to school tomorrow." She leaves the room after that and I lie down in bed. For now, I'll sleep.

* * *

"Naruto!" I hear a voice call, bringing me back to the land of the living.

I sit up and shout, "What?"

"Sasuke's here!" she announces.

What the fuck? I frown, getting up out of bed and walking downstairs. When I spot him, he doesn't look too happy. "What do you want?" I ask, crossing my arms.

"Be polite, Naruto," my mom warns me before wandering into the kitchen.

"Here's your homework," he mutters, shoving a few sheets of paper into my hand. "The teacher wanted me to give you your shit. Your annoying cousin volunteered me for the job."

"Great," I say sarcastically, carelessly putting the papers on a corner table. Karen probably just did that to fuck with me. "If she annoys you so much, just tell her you like dick or something. Jeez."

He looks scandalized. "That's not her business. Private things should remain private. I have a right to keep things a secret."

"Who the hell cares?" I snort. "You're gay, right? Just let everyone know and it'll be a hell of a lot easier on you. Girls will stop hanging off of you."

"No," he snaps.

"Why? What are you scared of?" I ask.

"I'm not _scared_ of anything," he says pointedly.

I chuckle at that. "Everyone is scared of something. Don't be such a little bitch."

My mom reappears after that comment, arms crossed. "Boys," she says darkly. "Both of you, into the kitchen."

"I need to get home –" Sasuke starts, but my mom cuts him off.

"No," she shakes her head. "You and Naruto are going to sit down and have a civil conversation if it's the last thing I do, I swear I'll make it happen." I can't help but wonder if my mom heard me say Sasuke likes the D. If so, she's not reacting. I wonder if Mikoto knows. If she does, she probably told my mom and that'd explain the lack of shock.

Sasuke and I follow my mom into the kitchen. I slump into a chair at the table and Sasuke sits across from me. Mom sits down at the head of the table and takes a deep breath. "Okay," she starts. "We're going to take turns talking. The point of this is to be honest and open, but not mean. Got it?"

"Got it," I mutter.

"Hn," Sasuke grunts some sort of acknowledgement, resting his chin in the palm of his left hand.

"Okay, Naruto," Mom starts with an encouraging smile. "Do you have anything you'd like to say to Sasuke?"

"Uh, well –" I start, only to be cut off.

"And don't be mean!" she reminds me.

"Yeah, yeah," I murmur. "I said everything I wanted to say to him last Thursday… but clearly, that hasn't changed a damn thing because he's still sour as ever."

Sasuke remains tight jawed. "People can't change," he grits out. "It's not possible."

"They can't change the big things," I say, "but they can change the little things. I bet if you tried, you could stop being such a bastard. Jeez, just allow yourself to feel something good for once in your damn life." He's seething, but remains silent. I can't help but laugh. "Okay, Sasuke. What do you hate most about me?"

"Everything," he mutters. "I hate everything about you."

"Gimme the list," I request. "Be mean, I don't care."

"I hate your face," he bites, "namely the stupid smile you always wear. You smile too much. I hate how you take everything as a joke. I hate how big your ego is. I hate how you're always trying to fix things. I hate how you put everyone else's happiness above your own. I hate the way you throw yourself at every fucking girl who acts interested. I hate how whiny you can be…" He continues to come up with quite an impressive list, voice shaking with anger the entire time. My mom looks shocked – shocked that dear, sweet Sasuke could be so nasty. Well, she's finally seeing him the way I see him.

I smile at him, probably getting a rise out of him in the process. "Wanna know what I think?"

"Not particularly," he says.

Naturally he'd say that. "Well, I'm gonna tell you anyway. I think you're jealous of me."

"Jealous?" he scoffs in question.

"You wish you could be all those things," I say. "It makes you angry that you can't be. When you look at me, you see everything that you're not. I'm pretty happy with myself overall, I'm not selfish, I'm not afraid to express myself, I can laugh and I can smile…" I pause, smirking. "I'm straight."

Having heard enough, he suddenly reaches over the table and punches me in the face. "Sasuke!" Mom shrieks in a shrill tone.

He draws back and stands up, turning his back to me and my mom. I rub my nose, glad it's not bleeding. Well, I guess I asked for a hit with that last statement. "Fuckin' ouch," I mutter.

My mom stands up and carefully approaches Sasuke. She touches his shoulders and he crumbles, letting out a gut-wrenching sob. He sinks to his knees and cries into his hands. I must have struck a nerve, but still… I'm surprised. I haven't seen him cry since we were young kids, but even then, he wasn't a crier. That was always me. I ain't ashamed.

It's not as funny as I thought it would be. I thought seeing him cry would give me some sick sort of pleasure, but it doesn't. I stand up and hover a few feet away, unsure of what to do. If I try to help him, he'd only push me away. He's angry and it's even worse because he's probably embarrassed, too. My mom rubs his back and gently says, "It's okay, sweetie…"

"You hate yourself," I suddenly say. I think I just realized it – Sasuke hates himself.

His shoulders shake and he continues to cry, staring down at the floor and pulling at his hair. I mean it – I thought it'd be funny to see, but I'm not laughing. I feel kind of bad, actually. My poor mom looks like she's at a loss. "Mom… can you go upstairs for a bit?" I ask, but she looks wary at the suggestion. "I promise I won't do anything stupid," I tell her and she relents, moving away from Sasuke and standing up. She nods to me before leaving the room. Once she's gone, I sit down behind Sasuke. I put my hand on his back but he immediately moves away from the touch.

"Fuck off," he sobs pleadingly. "Fuck off…!"

"No," I say simply, inching closer. I wrap my arms around his midsection, tightening my grip when he begins to struggle. He screams for me to let him go, but I don't. He'll tire soon enough…

And I'm right. Eventually he relaxes, leaning against me so his back is pressed to my chest as he sits between my legs. He's still crying and I can't help but wonder if he's only crying because I said more things he didn't want to hear. Somehow, I doubt that. I think he's crying for a lot of reasons – reasons that he let build up. It's funny… it all had to come out when he was with me. Oh, well. I think he needs this more than anything. I think, for a change, he just needs someone to hold him and let him fucking cry and not ask questions.

"Why are you doing this?" Sasuke chokes out.

"Because I think you desperately need it and I don't mind giving it to you," I tell him.

He sniffs. "This is why I hate you… you're too fucking altruistic."

"Hm?" I question.

"You aren't supposed to be nice to me…" he murmurs. "You've ruined the pattern."

"Like I care," I snort. What a fucking weird thing to say.

He pulls away a moment later and I spin him around, forcing him to look at me. His eyes are bloodshot, his nose is red and his face is flushed. I've never seen him look this unreserved before, even when we were kids. I reach a tentative hand forward and when he doesn't swat it away, I smudge the tearstains on his cheek with my thumb. He closes his eyes, sniffling again. "We're okay now, huh?" I ask. "I think you're lying when you say you hate me." If he hated me, he'd already be long gone… but he's still here. The only person he hates here is himself.

"Shut up unless you want me to start crying all over again," he mutters, staring down at the floor.

"Heh…" I chuckle softly. "I don't mind."

"Why is that?" he asks.

"I don't know," I admit. "So… Sasuke, what do you really think of me?"

He shrugs his shoulders lightly. "You make me feel like shit…"

"Do I really?" I wonder, but he doesn't respond. I stand up and offer him my hand. He hesitates before accepting it and I pull him to his feet. He sniffs and swipes at his eyes some more. They're still watering a bit.

"I'm going," he murmurs airily, wandering out of the room.

I follow him to the front door, locking it once he exits and then going back upstairs. My mom is full of questions. Once she spots me walking past her open door, she calls me in. "Yeah?" I ask.

"So, what happened?" she urges.

"I don't know," I admit. "I let him cry. I told him that I thought he was lying when he said he hated me. He didn't deny it."

Mom smiles. "I knew you two would start to patch things up one day… though, it took long enough."

"I wouldn't say this is the start of a friendship or anything, Ma," I admit. "We're probably still going to fight a lot." But, for once in my life, I had a conversation with him that I think actually meant something. It wasn't as one sided as the talk I had with him last Thursday, either. I learned things today.

"Time will tell," Mom says.

"I guess so," I agree before returning to my bedroom. I finally put on a pair of pants over my shorts and decide to do the homework Sasuke brought over. Maybe I'll also finish that damn history essay.

Jeez, what a day.


	4. Panic attack

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.**

**Thank you for such nice reviews and so many follows + favorites :)**

* * *

I haven't said a word to Sakura since I broke up with her. She hasn't tried to speak with me either. Similarly, me and Sasuke haven't even made eye contact since his mental breakdown in my kitchen. He can't avoid me forever, though. Knowing our parents, we'll be forced into attending another dinner soon enough. It's Monday again. Another week has gone by. I've passed in that stupid, fucking essay finally. Now I can finally stop worrying about it.

For the past week, I've been spending time with Kiba, Hinata, Ino and Sai. They questioned me about the breakup, because apparently Sakura wouldn't talk about it. I gave them the answers they wanted. I'm not ashamed. I didn't do anything wrong… Well, apart from the cheating but that went both ways. I treated her well until I learned that she was never going to do the same. That's why I cheated. I guess that makes me a dick… but I've learned a lot from this whole mess. I hope Sakura has, too.

Today during lunch break today, however, Sakura sits with us and acts like everything is normal. I guess it's okay for now, but we'll have to talk about it soon.

"Remember," Kiba says, looking at me, "We have practise after school, so don't fuck off."

"Oh, right…" I mutter. "I almost forget."

He rolls his eyes. "Then it's good I reminded you. Does Uchiha know?"

"I don't know," I shrug.

"Well, make sure he does," Kiba says.

"Why don't you?" I ask. "You're on better terms with him than I am."

Kiba laughs, "Yeah, that's not saying much, dude. Sasuke still hates me."

"He doesn't hate you," I say. "I mean, he was at your party."

"He didn't exactly look like he was aware of his surroundings. He probably got dragged there," Kiba says with a snort.

"Maybe…" I relent, "but I still don't think he hates you. If he doesn't hate me, then he doesn't hate you."

"I thought Sasuke despised you?" Kiba raises an eyebrow. "This is news to me."

"He doesn't hate me," I say. "We talked about it a couple nights ago. It was pretty awkward. My mom forced us both to sit down and sort out our differences. It didn't really happen the way she hoped, but we had a conversation that felt okay… for like, the first time ever."

"Wow," Hinata cuts in quietly. "Do you think you'll stop fighting now?" There's hope in her voice.

"I think so," I smile at her. "I mean… eventually. We'll probably have a few more fights before it stops, but I can finally see smoother sailing in the future."

"It's mature of you both to finally put your differences aside," Sakura adds.

"Yeah, yeah," I say with a wary chuckle.

"I think you should become friends with Sasuke," Ino suggests. "He looks like he needs a hug."

I snicker, not bothering to tell her that he already got one from me. Sasuke would probably flay me alive if that story ever got out.

* * *

After school, some students have gathered in the bleachers to watch the practise. Well, they're mostly girls wanting to watch Sasuke, but whatever. Juugo and Suigetsu are also here, as well as Chouji, Shikamaru, Ino, Sai, Karin and Sakura.

The coach divides us into teams – shirts and skins. I'm a shirt along with Sasuke and Kiba. Practise goes smoothly. Sasuke even kicks the ball to me a couple times. I think that visibly surprises the coach, who it used to practises and games being stopped by me and Sasuke tackling one another. There's none of that today.

After practise, we head to the locker rooms and I notice that Sasuke shamelessly undresses facing everyone, probably in an attempt to hide the scars on his back… whatever they're from. I've never really noticed that before now... why he does certain things.

"Why the _hell_ are you staring at me like that?" he snaps upon noticing me staring.

"Oh, uh, nothing…" I trail off.

His eyes narrow, but he doesn't pry. He drapes a towel over his shoulder and strolls into the showers. A minute later, I do the same. Ugh. I really hate the school showers. I've said it before and I'll say it again – it's a sausage fest in here.

Next to me, Kiba moulds his hair into spikes with the shampoo. "Look," he says, "I'm you."

I roll my eyes at him, but can't suppress a laugh. He grins before ducking his head under the nozzle and rinsing it. Well, all I can say is that I'm relieved Sai isn't on the soccer team. Since we only have to take one gym credit, I did it in first year. That's where I met Sai. In the locker room he laughed and laughed when he saw my dick, then he called it small. I was so outraged… but then again, it's how we became friends. I still don't know why he laughed! I'm perfectly average! Jeez. I don't know what kind of dicks that guy's used to seeing… but they must be fucking monstrous.

After washing away the sweat, I towel off and get dressed. Outside the locker room, Ino and Sai are waiting for me. "Hey," I grin. "You'll be needing a drive home, I'm guessing?"

"Please," Ino laughs.

"No problem," I chuckle. "Thanks for watching the practise."

"It was intense," Ino says. "You and Sasuke actually got along out there… that was the most intense part. I found myself on the edge of my seat waiting to see what would start your fight this time, but you guys actually got along on the field! I'm proud."

"Yeah, weird, huh?" I snort. The three of us leave the school and make our way to my jeep. I get into the driver's seat while Sai hops in the passenger and Ino hops in the back. "So," I start as I pull out of the parking lot, "What're you guys doing this weekend?"

"Date night," Ino says.

"Aw," I coo. "That's nice."

"Yeah," Sai adds, "Do you think you'll be taking advantage of the single life? Not that it'll make a difference since you and Sakura were hardly faithful."

"Ah," I say sheepishly, "Well… yeah, not really. I'm going to abstain until I find Miss Right."

"That's good," Ino says, touching my shoulder. "Sex is so much better with someone who actually cares for you."

"I wouldn't know," I laugh bitterly.

"You will," she says.

"You sound like my mom," I tell her, recalling the conversation I had with her about dating.

Ino chuckles, "Well, Kushina knows her shit."

* * *

Once I pull into Ino's driveway, we all chat for a bit before parting ways. During the ride home, it begins to rain. It's a pretty intense downpour. I pull into my driveway and park, getting drenched on my way inside. "Ugh," I groan before announcing, "I'm home!"

"Welcome," my mom calls back. Her and Dad appear a moment later.

"You're soaked," Dad says.

"I know," I grumble, taking my sneakers off on the welcome mat. I'm about to go upstairs and get changed, but my parents stop me.

"Naruto," Mom whispers.

"What?" I raise an eyebrow. "Why are you being so quiet?"

"Sasuke is going to be staying here for the next little while," she continues softly. "He's already upstairs in the guest room."

I raise an eyebrow at that. "O…kaaay…" I continue upstairs, trailing water the entire way. I open the bathroom and take my clothes off, tossing them in the drier. I cup a hand over my crotch and waddle into my bedroom to get dressed. I throw on a pair of sweatpants. "Hm…" I muse aloud, eying my laptop. Homework or porn? I sit at my computer desk and open my laptop, muting the volume before bringing up a porn site. I click on the first female solo I see: a dark haired girl with big hips and big boobs. I wrap a hand around my dick as the video plays, biting my lip to supress any sounds. Ah, the loneliest activity in the world.

When I'm finished releasing my sexual frustration, I close my laptop. I wipe my stomach off with a tissue and then throw a t-shirt on. A minute later, my cellphone beeps. I open it, seeing a text from Kiba. Nice timing.

KIBA: _you free? me and hinata are bored_

ME: _yeah come on over_

I toss my phone onto my bed after replying, leaving my bedroom and wandering downstairs. "Kiba and Hinata are coming over," I tell my parents.

"Okay," Dad says.

"Will they be staying for supper?" Mom asks.

"I dunno," I shrug. "I'll ask them when they get here."

I hang around the kitchen for the next little while, talking with my parents until the doorbell rings. I answer it, letting Kiba and Hinata in. "My mom wants to know if you guys are staying to eat," I say.

"Sure," Kiba grins.

"They're staying!" I call to my mom.

"Okay!" she hollers back from the kitchen.

I gesture for them to follow me and we all go upstairs. "So, what do you wanna do?" I ask them as we settle in my room. Kiba sits at my desk and spins around in the chair while me and Hinata sit on my bed.

"Doesn't matter," he says.

"Oh," I remember, "Sasuke is here for some reason."

"What?" Kiba raises a brow. "Where is he?"

"Guest room," I say. "He was here when I got home. I don't know why. He's all weird lately… everyone is and no one will tell me what the fuck is going on. It's annoying. It's like my parents and his parents know some big secret and they're leaving me out."

"Hm," Kiba muses.

"Be patient," Hinata suggests. "I'm sure they'll tell you once everything is sorted. Maybe they just don't want you to worry."

"That's not it," I say. "It's because me and Sasuke don't get along and his parents and my parents don't want me to use whatever is going on as blackmail material. Not that I would. Jeez. I'm not like that."

"That's frustrating," Hinata sympathizes.

"Yeah," I sigh. "Oh, well."

"Yeah, anyway," Kiba starts, "Big game tomorrow."

I grin. "We're gonna kick ass." We're playing against Suna, my pal Gaara's school. We always win against them.

"Of course," Kiba agrees. "Sasuke is going to bring us to victory yet again, I'm sure."

I roll my eyes. "He's not _that_ good…" I mutter.

"Oh," Kiba coos. "It's okay, Naruto. You'll always be number one in my book." He wiggles his eyebrows at me.

"Aw, dude, don't be gay," I say, shoving him.

Kiba chuckles. "No, but really, I think you're about as good of a player as he is. The rest of us kind of suck, though."

"Nah, we're all good," I insist. "We've got a solid team."

Suddenly, Hinata shakes her head at me, softly asking, "Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?" I raise a brow.

"Act so… homophobic…" she says tartly. "I get that you're a jock and that sports is often a homophobic institution… Insults include calling the men _ladies_ because apparently it's _shameful_ to be female… but is it really necessary?" There is a quiet sort of anger in her tone and it surprises me. She isn't one to call people out like this, but I suppose it's something she's passionate about – equal rights and all that jazz.

"Oh, come on, Hinata…" I say. "I'm only kidding around. I don't mean anything by it."

Kiba smirks. "Maybe Naruto is overcompensating."

"Hah! No way!" I insist. "I'm straight as a pole."

"Most people aren't _that_ straight, Naruto," Hinata tries to reason with me. "Sexuality can be incredibly fluid."

"Whatever," I mutter. "I'm not gay and I'm not homophobic. I'm only kidding around. I _do_ know gay people."

"Who do you know that's gay?" Kiba asks.

"Not supposed to say," I tell him.

"Aw, come on…" he pleads.

I just shake my head. There's no way in hell I'm telling him Sasuke's a big homo. Things are finally starting to become calmer between us and I don't want to stir the pot. I don't want things to go back to the way they were. I'm really bad at telling secrets and I need to stop.

"Hey, y'know Gaara's sister?" Kiba suddenly asks.

"Yeah," I say. "Temari… Shikamaru is dating her."

Kiba smirks. "Guess who dated her before Shikamaru and her got together."

"Who?" I question. The tone of his voice has me pretty curious.

"Tenten," he reveals.

"What? Seriously?" My eyes widen and he nods. "Wow…" I murmur. That's surprising.

Kiba nods his agreement. "Yeah, I was pretty shocked when I found that out."

Hinata rolls her eyes at us both. We continue chatting about things of little importance until my mother calls us downstairs to eat. We all stand and leave the room, walking downstairs and into the kitchen.

"Is Sasuke not coming down to eat?" Mom asks.

I shrug as we all grab plates. My dad leaves the room a moment later, probably try and coax Sasuke to be social. We shovel food onto our plates before sitting down at the table, idly chatting and I nearly choke when my dad walks into the room with Sasuke. Me, Kiba and Hinata all share a look of surprise, feeling even more so as he sits down with us. To top things off, he's got a ring of bruises around his neck, like someone choked him out. "What happened?" I ask.

"Nothing," he insists, moving the food around on his plate.

* * *

After an awkward dinner, Kiba and Hinata announce their departure. "Thanks for supper, Kushina!" Kiba says.

"Yes, thank you!" Hinata adds and the two of them leave. I wave them off, closing the door behind them.

I walk back into the kitchen, helping my parents clean up. Sasuke volunteers to assist us, but my mom insists that it's fine and tells him to take it easy. He retreats to his room without another word. After the kitchen is clean, I go upstairs. I knock on the guest room door before pushing it open. Sasuke is sitting on the spare bed with his laptop open in front of him. "What?" he sighs, keeping his eyes on the computer screen.

"What happened to you?" I ask.

"I got hurt," he states in a deadpan.

"Well, no shit…" I mutter. "By who? Your dad?"

He looks up at me, slamming his computer shut. "No!" he snaps. "Why would my own father hit me?"

"I don't know," I say. "Jeez, calm down… it happens sometimes."

"Not in my household," he says.

"Well, okay." I cross my arms, leaning in the doorway.

"Are you going to leave?" he asks expectantly.

I shake my head. "I want to know where you got the bruises."

"My brother!" he spits. "Happy now?"

"What?" I frown. "Why would Itachi do that? He loves you…"

"Not anymore," Sasuke murmurs. He stands up and places his laptop on a wooden table in the corner of the room.

"Is that why you're here?" I ask.

He nods, letting out a breath. "Look… I really can't talk about this. It makes me fucking upset… I just can't live in the same house as him right now."

"Is this why you take pills for PTSD?" I'm probably not doing any good by asking all these questions.

"Used to," he murmurs, sitting back on down on the bed. "How'd you know about that?"

"Suigetsu mentioned it a while ago," I say. "He said you had PTSD… but the pills fucked with you or something."

"Shut up," he whispers. "That idiot has a big mouth..."

"What happened?" I ask for what feels like the millionth time. I don't know why but I feel like I really need to know.

"Shut up!" he demands, closing his eyes and covering his ears. "Please…!" There's desperation in his voice and I'm taken aback. He leans forward pressing his face into the mattress. He begins hyperventilating. He lowers his hands and fists the bed sheets.

Immediately recognizing the signs, I slowly approach him. "Okay, look at me, Sasuke," I instruct sternly.

"I can't breathe…!" he chokes out between a string of sobs.

"Sasuke, look at me!" I repeat, louder this time. "You're having a panic attack." I grab him by the shoulders and force him to sit up and face me. "Okay," I say gently, "deep breaths… Breathe with me, okay?" I take a deep breath and slowly let it out. He does the same and we alternate back and forth for many minutes until he's calmed down.

"How'd you know it was a panic attack?" he asks, wiping his eyes. He shies away from me, sitting against the headboard.

"I used to get 'em," I admit.

"Why?"

"Panic attacks often run in the family…" I explain. "My dad gets them. I get them… It's not so bad anymore, but it still happens once in a while when I'm really stressed. I saw a doctor about it when I was younger, though. I learned how to calm myself down during an attack. I used to get really angry. I couldn't control myself. I dunno if you remember, but I'd have these fits… My parents thought there was something pretty fuckin' wrong with me, something inside of me that wasn't quite right. I swear there were times I could feel it in my gut, trying to claw its way out. They were the worst human emotions – the kind most people keep buried. I was never able to keep them buried. I'd get angry, and they would just spill out of me. When I was young, I didn't really think about it, but as I got older I wanted to control myself. I got stressed out when I couldn't. Maybe that's why I had attacks."

"Oh," Sasuke says quietly. "I faintly remember that… but you're okay now?"

I nod. "Are you?"

"Yeah," he says.

"Liar," I call him out. "Jeez…" I sigh. "You're kind of a mess, aren't you?"

"Well pardon me," he snaps cynically.

"You go to therapy or whatever, don'tcha?" I ask. "That's what those Thursday appointments are, aren't they? Well, lemme tell yah something – it doesn't matter how much counselling you get, it's only going to benefit you if you let it. I mean, shit, it's obvious that you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped and you don't really look like you're ready to accept the help you need."

"Fuck," he scoffs, "Just shut the hell up, Naruto! You don't know anything!"

"Eh, I know _some_ things," I shrug.

"Well, you don't know about this," he says surely. "You don't have a brother, so you can't possibly know."

"Then why don't you tell me about it so I can get a better understanding?" I suggest.

"Nice try," he sneers.

"Come on," I urge him.

"Okay," he says coldly. "What would _you_ do if your brother tried to _kill_ you?"

I swallow harshly. This wasn't quite what I expected. "I… I don't know." For once, I have nothing to say.

"Exactly," he says. "You can't possibly know what it's like."

"Just talk about–" I start, only to be cut off.

"No!" he shouts. "I'm done fucking talking to you, now get the hell out!"

For a moment, I don't budge. I think I'm still trying to process the idea of Itachi trying to kill his little brother…

"Get out!" Sasuke shouts again, moving forward and shoving me. I fall off the bed and he delivers a pretty heavy kick to my side. I force myself back to my feet, not hesitating to hit him in the face. He stumbles back a step, but doesn't fall. I don't hit him hard, just hard enough to get him to stop for a minute.

"You don't see any value in yourself," I say.

"Fuck…!" he sobs in frustration. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm not doing anything to you, Sasuke," I tell him. "If you'd let me, I'd help you in whatever ways I could… but you're too damn stubborn."

He brushes the hair away from his forehead and tangles his fingers in it. "Get out," he bites. "Now."

This time, I leave without another word. There's nothing in the world I could say to make it okay. In fact, I'd probably just make it worse than I already have. I'm a little tactless. Sometimes I get too determined and I end up ruining everything.

* * *

Late in the night, I'm woken up by shouting. I'm so startled I practically dive out of my bed and onto the floor. I leave my room and my parents look just as confused as I am. It's coming from the guest room.

"Naruto, go back to your room…" Mom gently instructs before entering the guest room. Obviously, I don't do what she's asked. I follow her and see Sasuke thrashing around in bed. Mom carefully approaches him, wrapping her arms around him tightly so he can't swing his fists. "Sh…" she whispers in a comforting way. I just watch, wide-eyed. I don't know how long I'm standing here, but eventually Sasuke calms down. He's shaking, but he's no longer screaming or fighting. I don't know how my mom knew how to calm him down. Mikoto must have told her.

I feel my dad's hand on my shoulder. "Let your mom handle this," he says. "Go back to bed, okay?"

In a daze, I simply nod before wandering back into my room. I've never seen anything like that before. It was really unsettling. I wonder if he gets nightmares like that a lot… Poor bastard. Jeez. I didn't want to start pitying him, but now I can't help it.


	5. A drunken rendezvous

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.**

**Blunt and unromantic sex ahead haha. **

**The biggest thank you to all my lovely reviewers! And to the guest reviewer who said Naruto is getting on your nerves... don't like it, don't read it? **

* * *

We won our game against Suna, naturally. I think everyone was surprised to see Sasuke and I getting along out on the field.

It's been a few days since Sasuke's bad dream. He hasn't had any since and the marks around his neck are _slowly_ fading. I wonder when he's going to go home… because, quite frankly, it's awkward having him around. He makes it uncomfortable and he's being a huge tool lately because he's so embarrassed. But I guess I would be, too.

I've been driving him to school and back since it's pointless for him to take his car when we're both on the same schedule with the same destination. It'll save him some gas money at least.

"Naruto!" Karin calls me on my way out of the school.

"What?" I ask as she sidles up next to me.

"Is it true Sasuke is staying with you?" Her eyes are glazed over. She's probably picturing disturbing things. Not neat.

"Yeah," I grimace, "and before you even ask, no, you can't come over."

"Aw!" she whines. "Come on, it's the weekend!"

"No," I deadpan. "Absolutely not."

Nonetheless, she follows me to my jeep. "Come on," she urges again.

"No," I wearily repeat myself. Once we reach my jeep, Sasuke is leaning against the car door and Karin attempts to collect herself.

"Hi, Sasuke," she greets him.

"Karin," he greets her flatly in return.

I unlock the doors, getting into the driver's seat. Sasuke gets into the passenger's seat and Karin hops in after him, climbing over his body and making sure to rub her boobs on him in the process. "Karin," I bark.

"Naruto!" she barks back.

"Why are you in here?" I ask angrily.

"I want to visit Kushina!" she snaps, settling in the back seat. "I haven't seen my favourite aunt in weeks!"

"Fucking hell," I mutter to myself. "Fine." I'm not going to win against her so I shouldn't even try. I pull out of the parking lot and start driving home.

"So," Karin starts, "Why are you staying at Naruto's house?"

"Because," Sasuke murmurs. Like hell he'd tell her shit about his home situation.

The drive feels long and annoying. Karin keeps asking question and Sasuke keeps brushing her off. Soon, we pull into my driveway, I park my jeep and we all go inside.

My mom greets us all before saying, "It's nice to see you, Karin."

Me and Sasuke stomp upstairs. Weirdly enough, Karin doesn't follow. She stays downstairs, talking to my mom just like she said she would.

* * *

About an hour later, Sasuke dives into my bedroom as if he's escaping an axe murderer. "What is wrong with you?" I ask dryly.

"Karin is coming," he whispers, shutting the door. "I can hear her."

"Wanna hide in my closet?" I offer, joking around with him. "You seem pretty good at hiding in closets."

His eyes narrow at that comment. He doesn't find it as funny as I do. "I'm not going to hide in your fucking closet!" he says, sounding shrill. A moment later, the door flings open and Karin saunters into my bedroom, latching onto Sasuke's arm. He looks beyond irritated. "You're not my type, Karin," he says unapologetically, "So, stop this."

"You don't know that unless you give me a chance," she insists.

"Yeah, I do," Sasuke says, looking mildly humoured.

"_Tell her_," I mouth at him.

"Give me a good reason and I'll stop," she says.

"The fact that I said no should be reason enough," he murmurs, "but fine…" He pauses, pressing his lips together in thought before announcing, "I'm in a relationship." What a load of bullshit.

Karin's eyes bugger out of her head. "What's her name?" she immediately asks. "Is it Sakura?"

"No," Sasuke snorts. "Definitely not."

"Then who is it?" Karin demands.

Sasuke sighs impatiently. "No one you know, Karin, so don't worry about it."

She looks pouty, but she relents nonetheless and leaves the room. "You're such a liar," I say to Sasuke once she's gone.

"Why do you say that?" he asks, sounding disinterested.

"You aren't dating anyone," I say knowingly.

"Maybe I am," he challenges. "You saw the pictures on my phone."

"You don't have a boyfriend, dude," I state. "I dunno what the fuck the story behind those pictures is, but I know that whoever took them probably doesn't give a damn about you as a person… then again, maybe that means you are dating him!"

He lets out a sound of frustration. "You're so fucking awful sometimes!"

"I'm just being honest," I shrug. Yeah, I guess I'm a bit blunt and sometimes I say things I should probably keep to myself… but I think Sasuke probably needs to hear everything I say to him because no one else will say it. "That's probably the reason you sleep with these guys, right? Because they don't care. just want a hole to fuck and you're offering it. To them, you're expendable. They hurt you, but maybe it's a kind of pain you welcome. Then you won't have to think about whatever the fuck it is your brother did to you."

Sasuke closes his eyes and sighs. "You're no different," he murmurs. "You're like them. You just want a hole to fuck."

"The last person I slept with was Sakura," I say, "and even before we broke up we hadn't slept together in a few days. I'm abstaining now."

Sasuke scoffs. "Abstaining…" he repeats. "That's fucking bullshit… wonder how long it'll last."

I grin at him. "Say what you want, Sasuke."

He shakes his head at me before leaving. I keep winning. If this were a game of soccer, he'd be down for the count.

* * *

Around seven, Sasuke goes out and then my parents decide to have a date night, leaving me home alone. I'm not quite sure where Sasuke's gone, but I hear him return fifteen minutes later. "Hey, where were you?" I ask, hovering in my doorway as he walks up the stairs.

"Out," he states.

"Well, no shit," I snort. "Where did you go?" He takes his backpack off his shoulders and unzips it, reaching inside and pulling out a bottle of alcohol. "Oh," I say. "Where'd you get that? We're still only seventeen."

"A friend got it for me," he says vaguely.

"You're going to get drunk?" I ask.

He nods.

"Alone?"

He nods again and there's a pause. "Wanna join?"

"All right," I shrug before suggesting, "We can drink in the basement and watch a movie or something."

"Okay, I'll meet you down in a minute," he says, turning into his room. I do the same, taking off my day clothes and throwing on sweatpants and a t-shirt before going downstairs. I leaf through the DVDs, trying to pick one that Sasuke won't completely hate. I decide on some dumb action film with lots of explosives and little plot. It's the only option. It's either crappy action or one of my dad's romcoms.

Sasuke comes downstairs a few minutes later with the 750 ML bottle in hand. He's wearing plaid pajama pants and a black, long-sleeved shirt. He slumps onto the sofa and cracks open the bottle, not bothering to ask what we're watching. Maybe he doesn't care. I press play and sit down next to him.

"Where are your parents tonight?" he asks before taking a long, cringe-worthy sip. He must want to get drunk fast.

"Date night," I tell him. "They left a little after you did."

"Oh," he says, passing the bottle over to me. We fall into a silence, but for once it isn't tense. We watch the movie and pass the bottle back and forth and soon enough the credits are rolling.

"Wanna watch another?" I offer. I'm feeling buzzed, but I'm not quite drunk. Sasuke, on the other hand, looks like he's on his way to getting trashed.

"Suuure," he says in a long slur.

This time, I decide to put in a romcom since I want to watch something a little more light-hearted. For anyone witnessing what's happening right now, it'd probably be a pretty strange scene: me and Sasuke, two sworn rivals… sitting together and watching a romantic comedy. Things change, I guess. The movie plays on and I feel the alcohol taking effect. I revel in the jelly feeling, aimlessly watching the television screen until Sasuke decides to talk.

"Hey…" he murmurs, glancing at me.

"Hm?"

He squints at me, reaching forward and poking one of my cheeks with his pointer finger. "How'd you get these marks?" he asks. "You've had them forever… I always wondered why."

"Birth marks," I tell him, somewhat weirded out by the nonviolent physical contact. He's flushed, probably from all the alcohol.

"Did you lose your virginity to Sakura?" he asks suddenly in that same tone. He hands me the bottle, probably realizing he's drunk enough as it is.

I shake my head. "Er… no. Neither of us were virgins. I lost mine at a party when I was fourteen. I don't even remember the girls name… What about you?" Sasuke shrugs his shoulders lightly, looking somewhat sombre. "Come on," I urge him. "I told you, so you have to tell me now. Fair is fair." A second later, I take a long, numbing sip, downing the rest of the liquor. Once it's gone, I shudder at the after taste before settle the bottle down.

Sasuke smiles bitterly at the sight before slowly responding. "My parents like me to get straight A's. I don't know if they ever realized it, but after Itachi snapped, they put a lot more pressure on me with school and other aspects of my life. I got a B minus last year in biology. I was really upset, so I went to talk with the teacher. I think I cried… but that didn't sway him… So, in a fit of desperation, I said I'd sleep with him. I knew he wanted it… I think everyone fucking knew he was a creep."

My eyes bugger out of my head. "Oh, my God…!" If he were sober, there's no way in _hell_ he'd tell me this stuff.

Sasuke nods his head lightly. "It's bad, right?"

"Yeah…" I grimace, recalling bio class last year. That snake-like freak always put his hands on Sasuke's shoulders and back. It was obvious what his intentions were. I guess Sasuke took advantage of it, though he probably hates himself for it. The old perv left soon after because there were rumours going around that he fucked around with kids. Sick stuff. They didn't want it to affect the school so there was an investigation… There was never any evidence so I never thought it was true, but I guess it is. Sasuke isn't yet eighteen. "Why would you do something like that?" I ask hoarsely.

"Because I didn't care," he murmurs numbly. "I was angry and upset and I felt trapped… So I used my looks to get the A my parents wanted."

"Was it worth it?" I ask. Mikoto would die if she ever found out about it. She'd blame herself. I know she would.

"Not really," Sasuke admits. "He was so disgusting… he said disgusting things. It hurt a lot."

"Yeah, well… no shit," I mutter. "Virginity sucks enough as it is… it's probably worse when you're getting it up the ass by someone who doesn't give two shits about you."

He gives me a look of disbelief. "You never know when you shut up…!" he hisses at me. "You always say the worst possible thing!"

I shrug. "Sorry," I murmur in a less than sincere tone.

"I hate you," he bites, staring at me with wet, angry eyes.

"No, you don't," I tell him softly.

"I do! I hate you!" he screams, shoving me.

"No, you fuckin' don't," I say once more.

He lets out a sob, giving me a helpless look. "Why…?" he asks.

And just like that something snaps – in the both of us. It's not just me. We both lean forward, closer and closer until our lips are pressed together. "No, wait! I like girls!" I suddenly exclaim, drawing away and shoving him.

He scoffs at that. "You know… it's possible to like both."

"I'm straight," I insist.

"Really…?" he asks. "A straight boy doesn't kiss a guy like that."

"I'm straight," I repeat. Well, there was _one_ time I questioned my sexuality… It happened when I met Haku, but that's understandable!

"Doesn't matter," Sasuke murmurs. "I've been fucked by _straight_ men."

"Do you want _me_ to fuck you?" I ask slowly, not quite sure how I feel about all this. Well, in my current drunken state I kind of want it because I'm horny as hell and haven't been laid in a little while…

"Yeah," he says flatly. "Do it."

"Really…?" I feel my eyes narrow.

"Fuck me!" he demands, sounding like he needs it.

I let out a breath, sticking my hand down my pants. "Really?"

"Really," he says surely.

A pause.

"Yeah, okay," I murmur, pulling my cock out and stroking it. Sasuke watches with a wanton expression before lifting his hips and shrugging out of his pajama pants. He touches himself, but in a different way than I'm touching myself. He lies back, spreading his legs and sticking two of his fingers in his mouth before letting them travel down south and in through the back door. Ouch. I watch for a couple minutes, jerking myself off as he fingers himself. I'm kind of mesmerized. Gay as it sounds; he's pretty hot like this.

"Do it, Naruto," he breathes, removing his fingers. I watch the ring of muscle clench and I wonder why the hell I'm not blushing at such a sight… it's probably the alcohol.

"It's gonna hurt if I don't –" I start, but he cuts me off.

"It's fine," he insists. "It's fine if it hurts…"

"If you say so," I mutter in response, sitting up and positioning myself between his legs. I stare down at him and I can't help but remember all the pictures I've seen of him like this. Is this wrong of me? I don't know. I'm not going to think about that right now. I spit and push in with force.

His breath hitches and he lets out a groan.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Don't talk," he says.

So I don't.

"Harder… harder…" he pants, eyes half-lidded. His lips are parted as soft moans escape. I feel like if I don't do what he asks, he'll spite me for it. He's kind of intimidating when he's like this. I'm the one on top of him, yet he's the one in control… So, I do as he asks. As I feel myself getting closer, I reach forward and start jerking him off. I get him off first, pushing his t-shirt up so he doesn't dirty it. I continue fucking him and he lets me come inside of him. When I pull out, there's no blood… Thankfully.

I don't know about him, but I'm feeling pretty cheap and deflated right about now. Sasuke shifts, holding his shirt up and trying not to get any jizz on the sofa. I grab a tissue from the box on the coffee table and wipe the tip of my dick before pulling my pants back up over my hips.

"Don't watch," he murmurs. "This is the gross part."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

Sasuke grabs two tissues, using one to wipe his stomach and the other to wipe his ass. I make a face. "Did you think it was just gonna stay in there?" he snorts.

"Oh," I cringe. Yeah, that is a _bit_ nasty. Stumbling slightly, he pulls his pajama pants back on. He won't look at me and I can't help but wonder what will happen now. "Here," I say, holding out my hand.

He raises an eyebrow at me. "What?"

"Gimme the garbage," he says. "I'll get rid of it."

He gives me a strange look before slowly putting the crumpled tissues in my hand.

"I'm not _that_ grossed out," I admit. "I mean, half of it came from me anyway." I get rid of the evidence, tossing the tissues in the garbage can in the basement bathroom. When I return to the main room, Sasuke is sitting on the sofa, rubbing his hand over his forehead.

"C'mon…" I say in a murmur, lightly touching his shoulder. "Let's go upstairs."

He gets up, stumbling some more. I offer him my arm, which he latches onto, and we continue up the stairs. He retreats to his room and I retreat to mine, forced to pull over what just happened. It was unceremonious and that made it feel almost surreal… like a weird dream. I wonder what brought it on. I wonder how Sasuke truly feels about me. I'm not saying he's into me or nothin'… But then again, maybe this doesn't mean a damn thing. I remember what Juugo said at that party… he said Sasuke is manic. Maybe he is having an episode. Jeez. I feel like I took advantage of him… I think a lot of people take advantage of him. He's a little loose… Literally and figuratively. I don't want to be like those other people. I don't want to be like the man who took those pictures.

A half an hour later, my door swings open and Sasuke stumbles into my room, falling onto his knees. He lets out a laugh before starting to sob and I'm taken aback, though I shouldn't be. He's been crying a lot lately. "Why'd I drink that much?" he asks, slurring the question so badly it's barely legible.

"I don't fucking know," I tell him.

He wipes his eyes. "Why am I crying?"

"I don't know," I tell him once more, minus the expletive. I get up out of bed and wander towards him, helping him stand. "C'mon," I murmur, "Up we go." I put an arm around him and lead him towards my bed. He lies down on the mattress and I turn the lights off before lying down next to him.

"You fucked me," he states, laughing as if it's the most hilarious thing in the world. It's a strange laugh, the kind he probably wouldn't let slip on any normal occasion. "Naruto Uzumaki fucked Sasuke Uchiha. Imagine what the girls would think…"

"I know," I respond evenly.

Suddenly, he rolls on top of me, leaning down so our faces are mere inches apart. "Why did you do it?" he asks as our noses touch.

"I don't know," I admit. "We're drunk." He begins grinding his hips against mine. It feels good and I don't want to tell him to stop, but I feel like I probably should. "Sasuke…" I murmur, "C'mon, don't do this."

"Why?" he asks again. "You like it."

"So? We're both drunk, that's why." I grab his waist, preventing him from moving around.

"That didn't stop you a little while ago," he points out.

I can't deny that. "Lie back down." If I hadn't already begun to sober up, I'm definitely losing my buzz now. He clicks his tongue at me, but lies down nonetheless. "You need help," I say.

"_You_ need help," he retorts childishly.

"No, I don't," I tell him, "but when I do need help, I'm not afraid to ask for it."

"Sorry, we can't all be fucking perfect," he mutters.

"Go to sleep, Sasuke," I practically plead. I don't want to talk to him anymore. I don't want to talk to him when he's not himself – when he's drunk and horny and shit. He doesn't bother responding to me. The room is quiet now and all I can hear is his quiet breathing. Eventually it evens out and I know he's fallen asleep. Knowing that, I finally feel like I can close my eyes and do the same.


	6. Caught in the act

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.**

* * *

I wake up with a raging headache and I don't have to try hard to recall what happened last night. Sasuke is lying beside me, eyes closed and looking peaceful. Clearly he's still asleep.

I get up and go to the bathroom, dry swallowing a painkiller before turning on the sink tap and lowering my head to take a sip of water. Hopefully that'll at least _help_ ease my hang over. Fortunately, I'm not puking.

I'm still reeling over last night's happenings, but I'm trying to stay calm. It was surreal, in a way. Sasuke is all kinds of fucked – I can hardly keep up. I ought to make a list to remind myself. Then I won't keep making mistakes. If Sasuke's fucking fan club knew about the night I had with him, they'd be livid. It's weird to even think about it. It doesn't feel like it even happened. It was like a weird dream.

When I go back to my room, Sasuke is sitting up in my bed, looking mildly confused. When he spots me, I can tell the fragments piece together in his mind because he looks surprised. "Hey," I say to him, not swayed by his expression.

Gingerly, he gets out of my bed. "Why…" he stops himself, pausing and biting on his bottom lip. "What the fuck happened?"

"I think you know," I say, "but we don't have to talk about it." Yet, at least.

"Okay," he shrugs, relenting without another word.

"How's your head?" I ask.

"Hurts," he says simply.

"Let's go eat," I suggest. He's still elated and there's something airy about him. He seems lighter somehow. He doesn't seem angry at me or anything, either. My mom has a funny little smile on her face as we enter the kitchen. My dad looks like he's suppressing a snicker as well. "What is it?" I ask with a sigh.

"Oh, nothing," she says, shrugging. "You two just… seemed awfully close last night. We got home from our date night to see you two looking like you had a date night of your own."

Sasuke flushes, rubbing his temples and I tartly mutter, "Oh, right… that…" We were probably spooning or something. Ugh.

"We won't ask," Dad says, holding up his hands innocently. They're probably both assuming the worst and they're right.

"There's nothing to tell," I lie. There's no way in hell I want to tell my parents I slept with Sasuke, the one person I've never been able to get along with.

"If you say so!" Clearly, he's not convinced. He shares a look with Mom and they both laugh.

Me and Sasuke both get bowls of cereal, eating quietly. It's suddenly tense, thanks to my parents. They leave the room a little while alter, leaving me and Sasuke alone with the silence.

"We should talk about it soon…" I suddenly say. I don't want things to be awkward.

"Yeah, I know," he murmurs. "Let's just get it over with."

"I don't really know what to say," I admit. "I don't know how it happened… or why…"

He shrugs. "Who cares? It happened. It just happened. The end. There isn't much else to it."

"Do you regret it much?" I ask.

He shrugs again, taking a spoonful of cereal and chewing slowly. "I do shit like that a lot," he says after swallowing. "You're not special. You were just convenient."

I frown at that. "Why do you do it?"

"Because I want to," he says. "I like it. Simple as that."

"Have you ever done it with someone who cared about you?" I ask.

"Have you?" he retorts.

"No…" I mumble.

He smirks. "So, who cares? It doesn't matter. Sex doesn't have to mean something. It's different for everyone."

"Apparently sex is nicer with someone you care about," I tell him. "That's what I hear, anyway."

"I wouldn't know," he says carelessly.

"Me neither," I sigh. I wish I did, though.

"I guess this ruined your abstinence," he looks humoured.

I force a chuckle. "Yeah, we both knew that wasn't going to last…"

"But I bet you didn't think it'd be me," he says.

"True enough," I admit. "I never thought I'd fuck a guy, 'specially not you… but it wasn't so bad. Hinata always tells me sexuality can be fluid. Maybe I was too busy denying it to actually consider it. Not that I'm gay or nothin'..."

"Hm," Sasuke muses. "If you say so, straight boy."

We both finish eating, discarding empty bowls in the sink. "Does your head still hurt?" I ask. He nods slowly and I fish a bottle of Tylenol out of the cupboard, giving it to him. He takes two and hands it back, getting himself a glass of water.

"I'm going home on Monday," he says suddenly, "but I might have to come back here… It depends how things go."

"That's fine," I tell him. I'm not really sure what's going on, I just know it has something to do with Itachi.

* * *

The rest of the day is quiet since we're both hung over. I'm lying alone in my dark room while he's lying alone in his. I've got nature sounds playing on my stereo – wind, rain, storm, thunder… blah. I feel a little hippie-dippy but it's relaxing.

I don't know how long I'm just lying here, but Sasuke walks in with a poker face.

"Hey, S'ke," I murmur groggily.

Without saying a word, he gets in bed with my and lies down.

"What are –" I start, but he cuts me off.

"Shut up," he whispers. I don't ask any more questions, weird as all this is. Maybe he just doesn't want to be alone. Then again, neither do I. So we just lie here, side by side in complete silent and it's not so bad.

* * *

On Sunday morning, I wake up with Sasuke in my bed for the second night in a row. I decide not to mention it because I know he'd just get pissy at me and I'd rather avoid conflict since things are finally becoming normal between us… Well, civil at least. I guess _normal_ isn't quite the right word.

"Sasuke?" I say his name.

"What?" he asks.

"Nothing," I admit. "I just wanted to see if you were awake."

"Loser," he murmurs.

"Yeah, yeah," I say.

"I'm going home tomorrow," he says, almost as if he's reminding himself.

"Are you scared?" I ask.

"No…" he pauses. "Maybe… but I should be."

"Why are you here?" I pry. "I mean… what's happening at home? Why did Itachi try to kill you?"

"Itachi… he's a paranoid schizophrenic," Sasuke murmurs. "He's a really bad case… Some people can manage easily, but he couldn't. He tried to kill me when I was fourteen, too."

"What?" I whisper. "He did it more than once?"

Sasuke closes his eyes briefly. "Yeah, he tried to kill me a couple times."

"Shit," I say.

Sasuke nods his head lightly. "I've done a lot of research on it since finding out. I mean... there were so many signs but we didn't notice any of them. He wasn't motivated. That bothered my dad to an unexplainable extent. He was usually completely emotionless, he kept to himself, he stopped caring about the way he looked, he was apathetic... He often spoke about life and death as if they were trivial matters and he often said strange things that didn't make sense. Everything he once was began to deteriorate. He grew hostile and there were times he'd start laughing or crying out of nowhere. I found that strange because they were two things he never did... but still, I never imagined something might've been wrong. One time he wouldn't stop laughing and my father told him to calm down… Itachi started screaming at him. He kept getting worse and worse, but my parents finally made an appointment for him to get a psych evaluation. Unfortunately, the soonest time was a month away. They didn't think it was serious enough because he never tried to hurt himself or anyone else at that point."

"Damn," I mutter, taking it all in.

"Two weeks after the incident where he screamed at my dad, he tried to kill me," Sasuke continues numbly. His voice sounds distant, but I don't blame him. It's probably a memory he'd like to escape from. "I just got home from school. As soon as I opened the door, Itachi knocked me out. When I came to, I was tied up in the basement. My mom was also tied up, but my dad was at work… Fortunately, he returned home before Itachi succeeded."

I frown. "What did Itachi do to you, Sasuke?" I ask gently, immediately noticing how he skirted past the details of what happened before his father returned.

He closes his eyes briefly. "It's hard to talk about," he admits, voice breaking.

"It's okay," I say softly. "I'll be patient."

He clears his throat and in that same numb tone he starts, "I wasn't wearing any clothes… Itachi had drawn these symbols all over my skin… he said there was something bad _inside_ of me and he had to get it out. It was like he was performing some sort of ritual… He said he was going to try and get it out of me, whatever _it_ was. He had a knife and he started cutting my back, like he thought the badness was going to escape from my bloodstream… I don't know, but he ended up getting angry because it wasn't working. I was crying pretty hard by then. So was my mom. I didn't even have it in me to feel humiliated. I didn't care, I just wanted it to be over – whether it meant dying or getting saved… So, he told me he was sorry and then he tried to strangle me but that's when my father came home. He flew down the basement stairs so fast. I never saw him move like that before. He punched Itachi in the face and knocked him out… He untied me and my mom and then he hugged me for the first time in my life. My mom called 911 and my dad took me upstairs. He cleaned my cuts and I got dressed… a loose attempt to try and retain what little dignity I felt I had left. I didn't want to look pathetic in front of even more people… It was bad enough my family saw me like that."

"I'm really sorry that happened to you," I say sincerely. I guess that explains the scars on his back.

"It's funny..." he continues flatly. "It's like he knew something was wrong with me, too. Maybe, in his own strange way, he thought he was helping me... because if he couldn't change me, then to die, in his eyes, would be better than living like this. I mean, he knows what's wrong with me now... but back then nobody told him."

"Shit," I deadpan, unsure of what else I can offer. It's a pretty eerie thought. "Either way... you're both _sick_, not evil."

"Itachi doesn't do much now," Sasuke murmurs, changing the subject away from himself. "He gets headaches sometimes and sleeps a lot. He's on a high dose of an antipsychotic called ziprasidone. Apparently there are a lot of side effects. He still has psychotic breaks, they just happen a lot less."

"Yeah," I mumble.

"He's my brother," Sasuke says with finality, "and I love him… but he scares me sometimes, too."

"That's understandable," I tell him.

"It's partially genetic…" he adds, "and I'm so fucking worried it'll happen to me, too."

"Shit," I mutter. Sasuke has more than enough on his plate. He really doesn't need another thing to worry about.

"I need to stop thinking," he murmurs, sitting up.

"What do you wanna do, then?" I ask.

He hops over me and gets out of my bed. "I'm going to wash up," he says. "Then we'll see."

I'm not even going to bother with a shower today. I don't feel too gross, so I can do without. While Sasuke is bathing, I go downstairs and get something to eat.

* * *

An hour later or so, Sasuke is in my room again. He's fresh-faced while I'm soaking in my own filth. Just kidding, but I am a little ripe. We're sitting side by side against my pillow. He's playing with his cellphone and I'm playing with mine, but a moment later I set mine aside and take his.

"Hey…" he protests weakly.

I open his photos and scroll through them. "Are they all the same guy?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Some."

"It's really weird," I murmur. "Why would you want them to take pictures like this on your own phone?"

"It's a memory," he says. A second later, his hand makes its way into my pants.

"What about your so-called boyfriend?" I ask with a smirk.

He smirks back. "It's not exclusive and neither is this."

"So, what? We're friends with benefits?"

"We're not friends," he insists.

"Aren't my parents here?" I ask, choosing to dismiss his harsh rejection.

"No," he informs me. "I saw them both leave when I went to eat a half an hour ago. I think they said grocery shopping."

"Oh," I murmur. Once I'm hard, he gets up and leaves the room. "What the fuck, man?" I shout. "You forgot about your cellphone and my dick!"

He returns a minute later, looking thoroughly humoured. "Don't worry," he assures me. "I'm going to finish what I started, but we'll do it right this time."

"Huh?" I question and in response he throws me a condom. "Oh," I say, catching it.

In his other hand is a bottle of something I assume is lubricant. He sets it on the nightstand and begins to undress, pulling his shirt off and then dropping his pants. I take my dick out and roll the condom on before grabbing the bottle.

"Hey…" I murmur, positioning myself as he sits on my lap.

"What is it?" he asks, narrow-eyed. He probably has a feeling I'm about to say something annoying.

"Who else are you sleeping with?"

He rolls his eyes at me. "None of your business, Naruto. Fuck."

"Come on…" I urge.

"Do you _really_ want to know?" he asks.

"Yeah," I say.

"A few older men. One of them is our old bio teacher," he reveals and I nearly choke on my own spit.

"What?" I shout. "_Why_?"

"Because I want to fucking _feel_ something!" he shouts back, as if it's a simple concept I should understand.

"But if it's something bad, then it's not really worth it…" I reason.

"Then help me feel something good," he bites, finally beginning to move his hips. He bounces up and down on my lap like an energized porn star and I can't help but wonder how many other dicks he's hopped on.

I stare up at him for a few minutes. His eyes are closed, so he doesn't notice me watching him. He looks good, kind of pretty and soft. Soon, I close my eyes as well and just get lost in the sensation of it all.

I don't really know why or where the feeling came from, but I kind of like seeing this side of him. I don't know why. I can't really picture me wanting to rail any other guy. Kiba? Ew, hell no. But I guess, to an extent, Hinata was right after all. Maybe I'm not Mister Hetero.

"Mm…" Sasuke pants, quickening his pace.

"I'm close," I murmur, feeling the familiar heat pool in my groin. I come with a hiss and Sasuke continues riding me until I'm dry. He lifts himself off of my lap with slow and shuddery movements. A second later he sits on my chest with his knees locking my arms to my side.

"Are you going to come in my face?" I ask in disbelief as he starts touching himself.

"Mhm," he murmurs. His lips part and he lets out a quiet moan. I close my eyes, feeling his stuff shoot onto my cheek and lips. I open my eyes a second later and he's staring down at me.

"Hah…" he lets out a tired laugh before leaning down and licking the corner of my mouth.

"Kinky fucker," I say.

"Taste it," he smiles slightly, panting as he stares at me.

So I do. It's not awful, but it's not great either. "Does everyone taste the same?" I ask.

"Trust me, no," he insists firmly. Before I can respond, the door swings open and my parents are standing in the doorway. There is shock written on every inch of them. After a split second, we all start screaming. "AAHHH!" Sasuke joins in, looking as stunned as the rest of us. The door slams shut a moment later.

"No…!" Sasuke pants, covering his mouth with his hands. "No, no, no…"

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…!" I hiss, quickly wiping the rest of his jizz of my face with my hand. "Please tell me that did not just happen…"

"Shit…" he groans, getting off of me and standing up.

"N-Naruto," my mom stutters on the other side of the door.

"Yeah?" I weakly answer her, staring down at my jizz-covered fingers. I grab a tissue from my desk and wipe away the evidence. Not that it fucking matters because my fucking parents just witnessed it… Fuck!

"Um…" she pauses. She probably doesn't know what the fuck to say. "I just… um…"

"I'm sorry!" Sasuke suddenly shouts. "It's my fault…!"

"We're, um, not blaming anyone," Mom says meekly. "It takes two to tango… We're just surprised… We didn't _actually_ think…"

I'm internally screaming. This is way too awkward. Sasuke gets redressed and I hike my pants back up. After we've given each other a once-over, we open the door. Sasuke looks uncomfortable and I feel sheepish and embarrassed. My Dad's cheeks are red and I'm not sure if he's angry or just as embarrassed as I am.

Mom takes a breath. "Were you being safe?" she asks first and foremost.

"Yes…" I say while Sasuke simply nods.

"Then that's all I ask." She lets out a breath, closing her eyes. "You're not together…" she adds knowingly.

"Right…" I confirm.

She nods and walks back down the hallway with my dad, leaving me and Sasuke to stew in the awkwardness. "She'll have about a hundred questions as soon as you're not around," I say. I know she won't be able to fake carelessness for too long. My business is always her business.

"Lovely," he says cynically, letting out a breath. "You should tell her to stop being so damn meddlesome."

"She's my mom," I reason.

"Still," Sasuke shrugs. "Anyway, I'm going to take a nap."

"It's noon…"

He shrugs. "Sex makes me tired."

He's probably lying. He probably just wants to fuck off. Nonetheless, I say, "All right."

I may as well go downstairs and prepare for the inevitable questionnaire that is sure to come. I let out a loud groan, walking down the hall after Sasuke. He retreats to the guest room and I go downstairs.

"Ma?" I call.

"In the kitchen!" she calls back.

I saunter in, giving her a meek smile. My dad is sitting at the kitchen table with her. It looks like they're still in shock. I'm going to have to try incredibly hard to recover from the fact that they saw me with another dude's jizz on my face.

"Naruto…" she says my name in a soft and weary tone. "We thought you were fighting… that's why we opened the door. I thought I was going to see you trying to choke each other to death!"

"Yeah, well, what you saw was basically the opposite," I mutter.

She sighs. "What are you doing with Sasuke?"

"What do you mean?" I ask. "You saw…"

"Not that," she whispers. "I mean…" She trails off and groans. "I don't know how to talk about this with you!"

"Well, it's pretty awkward," I agree. "But I'm not playing with him… That's what you think I'm doing, right? I'm not… We've both agreed on no-strings-attached."

"Okay…" she murmurs. "Just… be sensitive."

"I will," I say.

"Is Sasuke…?" she trails off yet again.

"Gay?" I snort. "Hella."

"Um… no…" she mumbles, squeezing her eyes shut. "Does he have a _history_?"

"A history?" I question before slowly understanding what she means by that. "Jeez, Ma! He's not a prostitute if that's what you're wondering… but he's been around."

She shakes her head. "I'm sorry, Naruto. I'm just surprised."

"Me, too," I mutter. "Anyway, can you guys keep it a secret for now?" I glance at my dad, who hasn't said a word.

"Don't worry," he assures me. "We'll keep silent. It's your business who you do the do with, not ours."

I give a firm nod, glad it wasn't anger I saw. "So, uh… anything else?"

They both shake their heads and I give one more nod before turning around and retreating.

* * *

I'm not sure if Sasuke actually did fall asleep, but a couple hours later he's back with questions. "You spoke with your parents?" he assumes.

I nod. "Yeah… Well, my mom. My dad just kind of listened."

"Do they think I'm a total hooker now?" he asks, arms crossed as he covers in my doorway.

"No," I tell him, "but my mom did question it."

"Naturally," he murmurs cynically. "That's me… Sasuke the prostitute."

I snicker. "I told her not to tell your mom because I didn't think you'd want your parents learning that you're gay from anyone other than you."

"You told your mom?" he asks.

"Yeah," I say. "Sorry."

He shrugs. "It's fine, I suppose… I'm sure my parents know… Anyway, we really should have locked your bedroom door."

I wrinkle my nose. "I'll fucking say. I'm going to try and block that entire ordeal from my memory."

"Same," he says dryly.

A second later, his cellphone beeps. I pick it up off my nightstand and read the text.

2: _Come over?_

"What the fuck?" I raise an eyebrow. "Why do you have a contact named as the number _two _in your phone? Who is it?"

He approaches my bedside, snatching his phone out of my hand and reading the message. "I'm going out… your parents probably won't ask where I am, but if they do you can make something up."

"Where _are_ you going?" I pry.

"Out," he reiterates flatly.

"Where?" I urge. "Come on, I know most of your secrets now, don't I? I'm not going to tell."

He smiles bitterly, taking a few steps away. "Maybe another time," he says as he leaves.

I roll my eyes. Fucking weirdo. I wonder if he'll have more perverse photos in his phone once he returns.

* * *

Sasuke returns in time for dinner, which proves to be an incredibly tense event. No one speaks apart from my mom, who probably feels the need to do it in a weak attempt to keep things from getting too awkward. I wonder how long things will be like this.

After dinner, me and Sasuke do the dishes and then disappear upstairs. I follow him to his room, once again prying for answers. "What was the number all about?" I ask again. "Who is it?"

He rolls his eyes, tossing his phone on the mattress. "It doesn't matter who it is, Naruto. I have a bunch of numbers in my phone."

"How many?" I question.

He shoves me. "Just fucking forget about it!" he snaps.

"I can't!" I snap back.

He goes to shove me again, but I grab both of his wrists. He stares at me for a moment before leaning forward and pressing his lips to mine. We share a few open-mouthed kisses and then he draws back.

"It's weird," I murmur a second later. "That's the third time we kissed."

"So?" he asks.

"First time was when we were kids," I start. "The second time was before we slept together. We didn't kiss at all the next time we slept together."

Again, he asks, "So?"

"Do you kiss other people?" I wonder.

He looks thoughtful for a moment. "I kissed the bio teacher and someone I met at a bar," he says. "But other than that, just you…"

"Why?" I ask.

"I don't know," he admits.

"You must attract the worst guys…" I murmur. "They screw you and they won't even kiss you?"

He gives me a strange look. "What is this all about? Why are you analysing it?"

"Kissing is comforting," I shrug. "If they're not kissing you, they definitely don't care."

He lets out a bitter laugh. "We've been through this already. I _know_ they don't care, Naruto… but you do?"

"Yeah," I say. "I do."

"Hm," he muses aloud.

"So, how many guys are there?" I ask.

"Holy shit," he hisses, grabbing his phone from his pocket and slapping it into my hand. "Check for your fucking self. My password is my birthdate."

"Obvious much?" I snort, typing it in and opening his contact list. "Dude…" I trail off before counting, "One, two, three, four… Four!" I glance up at him. "Four!"

"Four," he repeats, lying down on the bed. "Not too bad. There used to be more, but I don't see them anymore."

"Seriously?" I look at him in disbelief. "It makes me wonder what your kill count is."

"What's yours?" he asks.

I think for a moment, mentally counting the amount of girls I've slept with. "Eight girls… plus you," I tell him.

"I win," he says, "and that's all that matters."

I roll my eyes. "Come on…"

"Okay," he sits up. "Seventeen."

My Jaw drops. "What?"

"Seventeen," he repeats evenly.

"How?" I gape.

"I like sex!" he shouts. "Is that so hard to believe? It's fun! It's distracting! It feels good! I'm allowed to keep my options open, you know."

I wrinkle my nose. I don't know why, but it bothers me. Nonetheless, I don't let it show. "Fine," I say carelessly.

"Fine," he echoes me. I hand him back his phone and he pockets it. "I have a headache," he declares. "Let's not argue anymore."

"Okay," I murmur, leaving the room.

* * *

Tomorrow is a Monday. After school, Sasuke packs his things and goes home. My parents assure him he's welcome back. He politely thanks them and then apologizes. My parents don't ask why he's saying sorry, because we all know it's obvious that there's been a lot of drama these past few days.

I wonder if he'll be back.


	7. Number five

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.**

**I might start updating a little quicker~ **

* * *

I haven't spoken to Sasuke all week, not that I expected any different. I've been spending a lot of time on the internet. Research isn't my forte, but I've been reading a lot about manic depression... bipolar disorder. It can get really fucking scary. All of the sites kept talking about suicide. Suicide! Sasuke might try to kill himself someday. I don't really want to think about that, but now it's something that won't leave my head. Apparently as many as half of patients with BPD attempt suicide. For fuck's sake, that's too high.

My parents have been just as awkward, but I'm sure that'll melt away eventually. I know they probably want us to stop screwing around, but they'd never say it. After all, it's my business, right? And if I'm going to do it, they'd prefer I did it in the house.

It's Friday now. After school, I go home and my mother informs me that we are indeed going to the Uchihas for dinner. I called it. Around five, we make our way down the street. This time, my parents bring the dessert. As we near closer, I run the rest of the way, ringing the doorbell. A moment later, Sasuke opens the door. I hold up a hand, "Hey."

"Sasuke, who is it?" I hear a distantly familiar voice call and a moment later, Itachi shows up.

"Itachi!" I exclaim, wide eyed. I'm surprised to see him, but that doesn't stop me from noticing the way Sasuke tenses as his brother draws closer. Well… he _did_ try to kill him. It's pretty understandable.

"Oh, hi, Naruto," Itachi greets. Everything about him looks wary and his tear troughs are looking extra prominent. His hair is little longer, but till kept in a familiar ponytail. He also looks like he got thinner.

"Wow, it's been years," I say.

"They said I was sick," Itachi says vaguely, "but I'm doing better, so they let me come home."

"Oh," I nod. "Well, congratulations."

"Thank you," he says flatly. "You look different."

"So do you," I tell him.

"Not really," he insists.

"Oh… all right…" I say slowly. My parents arrive behind me a minute later and greet Itachi with smiles

After everyone says hi, Mikoto and Fugaku show up and usher me and my parents in through the door. "Honest to God, Sasuke…" Mikoto murmurs. "Where are your manners today?"

Sasuke frowns, but doesn't respond. He steps away from the doorway, allowing me and my parents inside. His mom probably wants to get back into a cycle of normalcy, but everyone else understands that you don't just recover from attempted murder.

"We made a cake this time!" my mom exclaims.

"Oh, wonderful!" Mikoto says, thanking my mom and taking the tray. We all move into the kitchen. I flop into a chair next to my father and across from Fugaku. Itachi stands in the corner of the room, looking like he's ready to withdraw from the world.

"You good?" I ask him.

"I'm good," he says flatly.

A few moments later, we're all seated. Our parents chat as dinner is served, but Sasuke, Itachi and I all remain silent – uncomfortably so.

* * *

After dinner, our parents decide to play cards and make me and Sasuke do the dishes. Itachi sits at the kitchen table with them, watching but not joining in the game. "So…" I start quietly as I wash plates, "What's wrong with your brother?"

"I don't know," Sasuke murmurs. "The drugs make him a bit airy."

"Oh," is all I say.

He only nods, looking solemn. I decide not to press the issue since it's clearly a pretty touchy topic. Itachi doesn't seem all that bad… but then again, if they let him out of the hospital, he's probably hopped up on drugs and doing better. Must suck, though.

The doorbell rings shortly after we're finished cleaning. Mikoto asks Sasuke to answer the door. He disappears, returning a moment later with a really large, muscular man with sallow skin and sunken eyes. He looks older – probably in his mid-thirties. He also looks like he's well over six feet tall. He's pretty scary looking, with really prominent cheek bones and dark hair with an almost blue-ish tint.

"Kisame," Fugaku greets him flatly from the table.

The guy called Kisame simply nods at him before turning to Itachi. "Hey," he says, balling a fist and lightly knocking on Itachi's forehead. "Anyone home?"

Itachi forces an insincere smile. "You're so funny, Kisame," he says evenly. "I never knew that about you."

Sasuke steps away from them both, backing into me. "Sorry," he mutters.

"It's cool," I respond, patting his shoulder.

Itachi stands up and, alongside Kisame, leaves the kitchen and enters the living room.

"Why don't you boys join them?" Mikoto asks us. Sasuke nods and the two of us follow Itachi and Kisame into the living room.

Itachi moves groggily, sitting down on the sofa. He takes a cigarette out of his pocket and sticks it between his lips, glancing at Kisame expectantly. Kisame sits down next to him, pulling a lighter out and lighting the cigarette for him. Sasuke sits on the other side of Kisame and I sit down on the arm of the sofa since there's no more room in the small, but quaint living room. For many minutes, everything is quiet. Itachi smokes his cigarette, eyes wandering around the room. "What're you seeing?" Kisame asks the question that's on all our minds.

"They say the stile traps it," Itachi suddenly murmurs, tapping the ash off his cigarette and letting it fall onto the floor. "But it doesn't… children… bikes and cars," he adds. "They're always dying, you know?" He glances over at me.

"Oh… yeah, I know," is all I say, though I have no idea what he means. I wonder if he understands it.

He stares at me for another short moment before turning to Sasuke. He lets out a soft sigh. "I'm sorry, Sasuke," he says, sounding genuinely remorseful.

"I know, Itachi," Sasuke whispers hoarsely.

"I'm sorry," he repeats.

Sasuke's lower lip trembles, but nonetheless he repeats, "I know." Itachi takes one last puff of his cigarette before putting it into a crack between the sofa. "There's an ashtray on the table," Sasuke points out.

"I don't care," Itachi says and Sasuke closes his mouth.

Suddenly Itachi halts. He stops moving. He stares at the wall, looking like he's in a daze. "Itachi?" I say his name questioningly.

"No," Itachi says in a quiet tone, covering his ears. "I can't concentrate on this right now."

"I thought you said he was on a medication?" I whisper to Sasuke

"He is…" Sasuke murmurs. "It's different for everyone… For Itachi, it only spreads his psychotic breaks farther apart. I told you this already. They don't happen as often, but they still happen."

"You're talking about me!" Itachi hisses. "I can hear you…! Why is it so loud in here? Why is everyone being so loud? Stop talking. Stop talking! Stop! STOP! STOP! STOP!"

Kisame doesn't look phased and neither does Sasuke. Mikoto and Fugaku don't come rushing into the room once Itachi starts screaming and I'm wondering if it's become something normal to hear Itachi talk about things that aren't happening. I feel like I'm the only one who's having a hard time taking this in. I wonder what my parents are thinking.

"Stop it," Itachi demands once more in a firm voice. "Why are you staring at me like that? I did what you asked!"

"What's he see?" I whisper to Sasuke.

"Demons and shit," Sasuke tells me, shivering. How creepy… "They tell him to do things… sick things. Sometimes he can't help but listen. If he does what they want, they'll go away… for a while, at least."

And maybe that's why he keeps trying to kill his little brother. Because _they_ tell him to.

"Tell them to stop!" Itachi shouts at Kisame pleadingly.

"There's nothing there, Itachi," Kisame says wearily.

The older Uchiha isn't swayed. "Tell them to stop!"

"Fine… Stop!" Kisame exclaims, looking like he has to try hard to suppress a chuckle. He tosses an arm around Itachi, choosing to humour his hallucinations. I wonder if that's the right thing to do… or if it matters. Poor Itachi… he looks frustrated and upset.

"Does he know we can't see it?" I ask Sasuke.

"I don't know… He forgets most short term things. Mom once told us she was going shopping and an hour later, he asked me where she went. I mean… every case of schizophrenia is different. Everyone sees different things and has different symptoms. Some people have an easier time coping with the illness, but Itachi doesn't. Still, he's better…" If this is better I'd hate to see what he was like before being hospitalized.

"I'm going upstairs," Itachi suddenly announces, standing up. "I can't be around Sasuke. They want me to hurt him."

"Itachi… do you really want to be alone right now?" Kisame asks with a sigh.

"I'm never alone," he says.

Nonetheless, Kisame gets up and follows Itachi upstairs, leaving me with Sasuke.

"Who is that guy anyway?" I wonder aloud.

"Kisame?" he questions. "I don't know, he's one of Itachi's friends. He works in a forensic lab, but I used to think he was a criminal."

"Oh…"

Sasuke wrinkles his nose. "They met in university. Kisame was a TA when he met my brother. He's thirty-three, you know… and Itachi is only twenty-one."

"Ah," I say. Itachi is a genius. So is Sasuke, for that matter… but Itachi is even more so. He graduated high school earlier than everyone else. He's really smart.

Sasuke shrugs. "Even after Itachi was forced to drop out, Kisame stayed in touch. I don't know. I think he's a sociopath. Nonetheless, he's here a lot. My parents weren't really fond of him at first, but they adore him now. He's helped us out a lot… not just with Itachi, but with other things. He helps my mom with maintenance issues and sometimes he even goes shopping with her. He's pretty good at that handy shit. He visited Itachi at the institution a lot. Since he's really big and strong, I think my parents find it relieving. I mean, if Itachi was to really, really snap, Kisame could easily subdue him."

"Wow," I say. He doesn't look like a nice guy, but I guess you can't judge a book by its cover.

Sasuke shrugs. "He wants to get into my brother's pants… so it's not all that altruistic. Then again, it's happened time and time again so maybe he's sticking around because he actually likes Itachi. I don't know."

"Oh," I mutter.

"Itachi doesn't really care about that kind of thing…" he continues. "He's never really showed an interest in anyone in particular. When Kisame came along and wanted to sleep with him, Itachi just kind of let it happen. That's probably why he followed Itachi upstairs."

"Oh," I say again. "That's kind of sad…" But I guess none of us are really strangers to blasé sexual expression.

"I don't fucking know why I'm telling you all this shit," Sasuke admits after a brief pause.

"Because you don't have anyone else to talk with," I tell him. "Plus, I'm a good listener."

Sasuke snorts at that. "I have a therapist."

"Well, I'm not being paid," I point out. "So, uh…" I pause. "Do you have any video games or anything? The night is still young and I'll probably be here for a while yet."

Sasuke shakes his head. "I don't like video games… or _any_ games."

I gape. "Seriously?"

He nods. "Well, I have Scrabble… but that's the only game I have."

"Shit…" I shrug. "I guess we can play… but you'll probably win because I'm, as you constantly remind me, an idiot."

He smirks, standing up. He gestures for me to follow him and we both go upstairs. Come to think of it, I've never been in Sasuke's room. He was never in mine either until last weekend.

We approach a closed door and there's a voice coming from inside. I can't help but assume it's Itachi. Sasuke's jaw tightens at the sound and he stops, opening the door. Itachi is standing in the center of the room, pointing to something. Kisame is on the bed watching with something akin to pity in his eyes. No more laughing.

Sasuke closes the door a moment later and we continue to his room. Dark blue curtains and matching bed sheets along with a set of plain, wooden furniture. Everything is perfectly plain. There are no photographs or posters or anything else. He must keep his personal things hidden. His bed is made, too. If I didn't know any better, I'd assume this was a guest room. I take a seat on the edge of his bed. "Your room is boring," I tell him.

"I don't really care," he responds evenly. He opens his closet and grabs the game from the top shelf before sitting across from me on his bed. Wordlessly, he sets up the board. He sticks his hand in the letter bag and then lets out a groan. "I got a Q," he says, passing the letter bag to me.

I snicker, picking a letter out of the bag. "I got the D," I smile lewdly at my joke. I grab my letters and they're pretty shitty. "Hm," I muse before placing down, "P-H-O-T-O… there, photo."

"Photo is ten but since you went first it's double… so twenty," Sasuke murmurs, writing down my score on note paper before taking his turn. "Okay… L-Y-Z-E-D," he says, adding the letters to the end of my word. "Photolyzed."

"What the fuckin' hell does that mean?" I ask as I pick new letters.

"It's a term in chemistry," he explains vaguely. "I would tell you more, but I doubt you'd understand."

I roll my eyes, not bothering to deny it. "How many points is that?" I ask.

"Twenty-eight," he says, "but I've got a double letter score on the Z so that's thirty-eight."

"Well, fuck," I deadpan before looking down at my letters, looking for a possible word. "Heh…" I snicker to myself. "P-E-N-I-S… there, I spelled penis."

"Lovely," Sasuke says tartly. "Seven points… not much."

"Lame," I sigh.

The game continues and Sasuke beats me brutally, ending the game with almost two hundred points while I only have seventy-eight. Sasuke puts the game away, closing his closet before sitting back down on the mattress.

"By the way, what's your number?" he asks, getting his phone out.

"Why?" I raise an eyebrow.

"You're five," he says with a little smirk.

Right… that damn list of his current fuck buddies. I frown, wondering why he couldn't just put my name instead. Nonetheless, I give him my phone number. He looks satisfied as he types it in. He probably feels like he has one up on me. It's like he needs that bit of control. "How do you remember who is who?"

He shrugs. "I just do. I have a decent memory when I'm not hopped up on too many drugs. I just remember who I started seeing first."

"Right…" I murmur.

He smiles at me, but it's less than genuine.

"Just because you're pretty it doesn't mean you can use it to get what you want," I tell him. "Not from me."

He feigns hurt. "Naruto, I would never do that."

"Liar," I call him out. "What do these guys do for you? Buy you things?"

"Sometimes," he admits. "They take me out… I think some of them are just lonely. What I do isn't harmful, you know. You just don't understand it."

"Yeah, you're right about that," I tell him. "I don't understand it at all."

"Picture this," he starts. "Your wife just passed away alongside your newborn baby. You're thirty-five years old. You have no family. You're introverted. You work a lot, so it's hard to meet people. What do you do? How do you feel?"

"I don't know…" I murmur. "I'd probably be pretty miserable and lonely."

"Exactly," Sasuke says. "I've been doing this kind of things since I turned seventeen. I'll go to a shitty bar, the kind of place that won't ask for ID, and I'll sit down next to the loneliest looking guy. He'll talk. I'll talk. Sometimes I'll go home with him. Sometimes we'll swap numbers and just go on dates. Sometimes people want a fuck and sometimes people want a friend. I lied. I don't sleep with all of them. Sometimes people just want someone to talk to and someone to celebrate their birthday with."

"And you're willing to provide them with what they need, whatever it may be?" I ask.

He nods, staring down at his cuticles as if they're more important than me. "That's what the numbers are, Naruto. If the relationship lasts more than one night, they make the list."

"So…" I start, "You're doing me a favor by being with me? It's a pity fuck?"

He laughs at me. "I'm a _friend_ and I'm a fuck. Right?"

"I guess…" I murmur. At least he admits that we're friends.

"It's not a bad thing," he insists. "You're not needy. Maybe I'm the needy one because I want so much."

"Hm," I muse aloud. It's honestly hard to picture Sasuke doing this kind of thing. It's kind, but in an incredibly sad way. It's kind of heartbreaking.

"So…" I start. "Are the people you have numbered important to you?"

"I suppose some are but not all of them," he says. "Does that make you feel better?"

I scoff lightly, pretending I don't care either way but we both know I'm lying.

"Like I said, I don't sleep with all of them," he says. "Some of them treat me like the child they never had but desperately wanted… or lost."

"Do you put on masks when you're with them?" I wonder.

"Sometimes," he says. "I try to be myself as much as I can."

"Do you put on masks when you're with me?"

"Not at all," he assures. "It's too hard to maintain a façade around you. You piss me off too much."

I chuckle at that. "All right, fair enough."

So… Sasuke technically is like a kind of prostitute… but maybe it's not a bad thing. If he likes it, then it's okay. I guess it's not really my business what he does with his body anyway. He's his own person. I need to stop being such a clingy, possessive loser. I have no right to be acting so pathetic.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks.

"I dunno," I say. "It's just weird…"

"What is?"

"Everything."

"I suppose so," he agrees, lying back on his mattress.

I lie down next to him and wonder where he will be in five or ten years from now. Will he still be doing shit like this or will he be settled down? "Hey, Sasuke?"

"Hm?" he asks, rolling onto his side. I do the same so we're face to face.

"Do you think about marriage?" I ask.

"Sometimes," he admits. "Though, I'm not sure whether or not I want it. To be tied to someone… I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"Imagine being in love," I start, wanting him to picture it and see it the way I see it. "Have you ever been in love?"

"No," he tells me. "You haven't either, right?"

"Right," I confirm. "But think about it… You meet someone and you fall hard for them and they feel the same way and you're both incredibly happy with one another… You'd want to put a ring on it, huh? People get possessive when they're attached."

He looks contemplative. "I don't know. Maybe. I can't really imagine feeling like that, though. It sounds a little to cliché."

"Yeah," I sigh.

"In the end," he continues, "it would just mean you have more to lose, wouldn't it?"

"Perhaps," I say. "I mean… life sucks and then you die. Everyone dies… but according to my parents, the few good parts in life make it worth living."

"How sage," Sasuke snorts. "I wonder if your mom is feeling tempted to tell my mom what she saw."

I grimace, not wanting to think about Sunday's event. "I haven't yet recovered from that."

"No shit," he says, starting to laugh. This time, there's something different about it. It's the first time I've heard him laugh like this in all my years of knowing him. He looks and sounds lighter. He doesn't seem so emotionally constipated. He presses his face into the mattress until he quiets. "It was so embarrassing!" he exclaims once he sobers.

"I know," I grin stupidly. "At least you got to leave the next day… I had to fuckin' stay and know that when I entered the room they were probably being reminded of the fact that I had your cum on my face."

"At least they walked in when we were finished and not when we were just getting started." He laughs again and I love the sound of it.

"Yeah," I snicker, shaking my head. My erection would have died a swift and painful death.

After a brief pause, he stares at me with a thoughtful gaze. "Why do you do that?" he asks.

"Do what?"

"You got this weird look on your face," he points out.

"Do I?" I wonder. I never noticed it before… "I guess I just like seeing you look happy for a change. Seeing you laugh… it's few and far between seeing you cry or throw a fit."

"Aw," he coos at me in a mocking manner before rolling over. He shifts towards me until our noses are nearly touching and then he pecks me on the lips. "You think I'm cute," he says knowingly.

"Well, yeah," I admit. "I'd be blind not to appreciate the way you look… You're a damn good looking guy."

"But you're not shallow," he notes. "If you were, then maybe we wouldn't have had all those fights. You never cared about the way I looked."

"Yeah," I say. It's true. Perhaps there were even times I felt spite towards him for being so damn pretty. I know I felt that way when I was young. I'll admit it now. He made me feel weird, even then. I suppose it was just a different kind of _weird_.

"So, thank you," he adds.

I raise a brow. "Why are you thanking me?"

"You saw _me_ for _me_," he explains, "and you called me on my shit. No one ever did that before."

"Yeah, well, it was high-time someone told you to calm down," I mutter before recalling something. "Hey…"

"What?" he asks.

"You know how you said you don't mind giving lonely people attention?" I start.

"Yes, that is _vaguely_ what I said," he mutters, bemused. "What of it?"

"What about the bio teacher?" I question.

Sasuke rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. "He's different. He's number one… even if I don't want him to be, he always will be."

"Yeah, I assumed as much," I admit. "Let me guess – you don't feel like talking about it right now, so I have to ask you later?"

"I don't know," he says. "It's complicated."

"How?" I ask, perching myself up on my elbows and staring down at him.

"I don't know how to put it in a way that you would understand," he says.

"Well, try to," I urge.

"I go from extremely high to extremely low," he starts. "When I'm having a manic episode, I feel really elated. I feel like I need to be proactive. I'll be recklessly determined. I won't really think about the consequences of what I'm doing, so I'll just fuck around. Dangerous things sound like a great idea, so I'll call him. We'll both get what we want. So, he's number one. He's the first to come to mind when I get like that. He's my first of many things and the person I go to when I want to feel something different. If I'm in a mixed state, I think everything is worse because while I feel all that shit, I also feel depressed, tired, panicked, guilty, suicidal... I'll just feel generally worthless and I won't fucking care anymore."

I shake my head, trying not to act too piteous. "That's so fucking wrong…" None of this is. He's seventeen, for fuck's sake.

He scoffs. "Shut up, Naruto. You don't get to say things like that."

"Why don't you go to your parents instead? Ask them for help?" I wonder.

"Doesn't work like that," he murmurs flatly.

"Then come to me?" I reason. "I mean, hell… I wouldn't fucking mind. I'd rather you come to me than some old pervert. Fucking hell, you're seventeen and he's like… older than fifty! He's like older than our parents, dude."

He laughs at that, but it's unlike the happy sounds he was just emitting – this time it's yet again bitter. "It could be worse, Naruto. Really, I've done so much worse. You probably feel like you know me by now, but you don't even know half of the shit I've got buried."

"Tell me," I say. I want to know all there is to know about him.

He makes a humming sound, musing aloud before speaking. "When I was on pills for PTSD, they gave me really bad episodes. They clashed with the medication I was taking for my BPD. I went out and really screwed myself over."

"What happened?" I ask.

"I felt really good and overconfident," he says. "I went out and thought it'd be fun to approach the freakiest looking guys I saw. I ended up getting gang-fucked. I think they thought I was on illegal drugs or something because I was kind of shaking and acting fucking crazy. Anyway, they offered to _give me more_. I was sober, but not for long. Naturally, I accepted. I think they were dealing. I don't know… Anyway, the drugs made everything worse, if you can imagine. I hung around with them for the next three days until the cops arrested them for some stupid drug-related shit, and in turn, arrested me. Since I was only fifteen, my parents had to pick me up at the police station. They weren't angry, though. They kind of pieced together that I was going off the rails because of how fucking sudden and random the behaviour was. They told me to stop taking the pills and they made another appointment for me. Now instead of more drugs, I do therapy weekly."

"Shit," I whisper. "That's really fucking sad, y'know…"

"I know," he admits. "But there are times I still go out and pull shit like that... It's like I can't fucking help it and I always regret it." He smiles wearily. "But it could be worse, right?"

He's really talkative lately. He's sexually driven, too. Maybe that means he's having an episode. I read that they could last quite a while. I wonder what he's been doing all week. Then again, maybe it just means he trusts me. "Right…" is all I say.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"Look, I'm not trying to put a leash on you or nothin', but it really pisses me off knowing you're out screwing around with a sick freak like him," I admit.

"Why?" he ask. "Why does it bother you?"

"Because you're my friend," I tell him.

"Aaah," he says slowly. "I never thought I'd be on the receiving end of Naruto Uzumaki's infamously noble and charitable nurturing."

"It's not pity," I insist. "You're my friend and I care about you, yeah?"

"Yeah," he echoes with a sigh.

"Break it off with him," I suggest. "It'll be good for you to push away the bad things in your life. You don't need that shit. It's not worth the trouble it causes, okay?"

"Hn…"

"Come on, Sasuke," I urge.

"Hn…" he repeats himself.

I roll my eyes. "Are we back to that, then?" I ask. "And here I was thinking we made some progress in the communication department."

He cracks a cynical smile before sitting up. I do the same and he turns to me. "How should I do it?"

"Just give him a text and be like 'bye loser', or something," I snort.

"That's not going to work," he admits softly.

"Why?" I ask, trying not to show how irritated and impatient I feel. "Will he beat you up or something?"

"No," Sasuke says. "I've been slapped in the face upon request, but he's never done anything quite that extreme… Well, I've never given him a reason to. That's probably why. I'm sure he's more than capable, though."

"Does he scare you?"

"A bit," he admits.

"How about I come with you, then?" I offer. "I'll, like… stay in the car and if you're not back in a certain amount of time I'll go in after you."

"You'd do that?"

I nod. "Yeah, of course."

"Maybe," he considers it. "I'll think about it."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

I grin at him and he gives a small smile in return.


	8. The cold truth

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto. **

**Sasuke's tears are the main character.**

* * *

On Saturday, I get a text from Gaara saying he'll be in Konoha later in the day. Apparently Temari is coming to visit Shikamaru, so Gaara is tagging along for the trip. I met Gaara when I was twelve. His father does business for the company my dad works for. I thought he was really sour at first, but he grew on me. He's kind of like Sasuke in that way, I suppose.

He shows up on my doorstep around late noon. "Hey," I greet the familiar little redhead, opening my door and allowing him to step inside.

"Hello, Naruto," he greets in return, entering and slipping his shoes off.

"What'cha wanna do?"

"Whatever you'd like," he says carelessly. "Unfortunately, I'm only able to spend a few hours with you tonight."

"Aw, why?"

"I have a date," he reveals.

"Really?" I ask, my interest peaked. He nods in response and I pry, "Who is she?"

"Neji," he says and my eyes just about bulge out of my skull.

"Neji Hyuga?" I gape. "Hinata's scary older cousin?"

He nods once more.

"He's a dude," I state.

"Astute observation, Naruto," Gaara says. "I didn't know you were so bright."

"Ah, sarcasm," I sigh. "You're greatest weapon." He smiles faintly. He doesn't smile often. Usually he just smiles when I do something harmlessly stupid. I guess this is one of those cherished moments. "I didn't think you liked people at all," I add.

"Me neither," he admits.

"Wow," I murmur. "Well, congratulations."

"Yes," he says. "Neji gets off work around seven, but until then, I am all yours."

"Okay, great," I chuckle. Now everyone really is dating somebody. I guess it's a good thing. It's nice to have someone to care about like that.

Me and Gaara settle in the living room and decide to watch a movie. Well, neither of us are really paying attention. I'm talking about what's been happening in Konoha lately. I tell him I broke up with Sakura. He simply nods sagely. He's not surprised. Then again, nothing really surprises Gaara.

"Is there anyone new?" he asks after a thoughtful pause.

"I don't think so," I tell him.

"Are you sure?" he pries, not quite believing me.

"I think," I say.

He squints at me. "Vague answers, Naruto."

"Says you," I snort. "You're the king of vague answers."

"I have little to tell," he admits, "but I have a feeling the same does not apply to you."

"Well," I start, "I'm hooking up with someone… and I'll admit that I care a lot about this person, but it's not quite like _that_."

"Oh, really?" he murmurs. "If you say so."

"Don't sound so unconvinced," I mutter.

"Only if you stop sounding like you're telling lies," he retorts.

"I'm not," I insist.

"You said _this person_ rather than _her_," he points out. "Why did you use a gender-ambiguous term?"

I groan, rubbing my palms over my face. "Fine, it's a guy."

"Is it Sasuke?" Gaara asks nonchalantly, causing me to nearly choke on my own spit.

"What?" I exclaim. "Why would you assume I'm fucking the bastard?"

"Because," he sighs, "it would be the most obvious choice, would it not?"

"No!" I shout. "Not at all…!"

He sighs again. "Stop raising your voice, Naruto. This is not a contest."

I let out a long whine, mildly annoyed at the fact that he can read me so easily. It makes me wonder if anyone else can read me this easily. I don't want people to know about me and Sasuke. How fucking humiliating would that be? "It's not Sasuke," I tell Gaara.

"You are an awful liar," he states. "Now I _know_ it is Sasuke."

"Fuck," I groan. "How do you always figure these things out?"

"It's a gift," he says sagely.

I roll my eyes at him and say, "Don't tell anyone, yeah?"

"Have you forgotten who you're talking to?" he asks, bemused.

Gaara never tells secrets. He knows all of mine and he keeps them to himself. "Right," I chuckle. "Thanks."

He nods. "So, do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head. "Not really," I say. "The whole thing is just weird. I don't really know how to handle it half the time… Well, by _it_ I mean Sasuke. I don't know how to handle him."

"He's a boy," Gaara says. "He's a person and people don't need to be handled. They need to be treated with respect, especially by whoever is under or over them. Do that and you'll be fine."

"Yeah," I murmur. "I try to… but he's got a lot of things going on right now."

"What's wrong with him?" Gaara asks bluntly. "Is he depressive?"

"Manic depressive," I correct with a frown. "He's got BPD."

"Oh," he says. "That is quite serious."

"Yeah, tell me about it," I snort. "I feel kind of bad for him. I never know what to do. I mean, is there even anything I can do? I don't know."

"Educate yourself," Gaara suggests.

"Trust me," I sigh, "I have been."

He nods. "Sometimes, it's true that there is nothing you can do. Instead, simply be there. When he's at his lowest, let him know you are there. Do not treat him too gingerly. Sasuke has a lot of pride, that much is obvious. Whether or not it's a coping mechanism, he will spite you if he sees pity in your gaze."

"Okay," I murmur, taking what he says to heart.

* * *

A few hours later, after an intense caring-and-sharing session, Gaara's phone beeps and he says, "Ah, Neji is here. You should come and say hi."

"Yeah, I will," I say as we both stand up and head towards the door. Gaara slips his shoes back on and we leave the house.

Neji is parked in the driveway, looking classy as ever. He's in university, but he works at a fancy restaurant as a waiter. He wears a sleek outfit and he keeps his long hair in a bun atop his head. He's got that tall and slender build, so he can wear just about anything and make it look good. Once he spots us, he steps out of his car and politely says, "It's good to see you, Naruto."

I smile slyly. "Hey, Neji. It's been a while!"

"What is that shit-eating look for?" he asks dryly.

I grin. "I heard you and Gaara are together."

"You heard right," he says.

"Ain't that cute," I coo at them and Gaara grimaces at me. We make polite conversation for a few more minutes and when the conversation melts away, they depart. Neji returns to the driver's seat while Gaara gets in the passenger's seat. I see them exchange a few words and they both soften. It's somethin' to see – two incredibly emotionally stifled guys looking lovey-dovey. I wave as they pull out of the driveway and once they're gone I return inside, debating on what I should do for the rest of the night. I could call Sasuke and see if he wants to hang out. By hang out, I don't necessarily mean fucking. I mean, we're friends now and by being friends we're basically obligated to do dumb stuff like watch movies and play video games. It doesn't always have to end in fucking.

I retreat to my room and grab my cellphone off my nightstand, dialling his number. He doesn't pick up, so I call again a few minutes later and finally –

"_H-hello_?" he answers, sounding strained.

"Uh…" I pause. "Are you okay?"

"_Naruto_?" he asks, giving a breathless laugh. "_Y-yeah, I'm fine… Fine!" _He repeats the word and it comes out shrill.

"You sound like you're getting a work out," I mention. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"_I'm… ah…"_ he lets out a poorly stifled moan.

"Oh," I mutter. "_That's_ what you're doing." I'm so fucking slow sometimes I deserve to be put down. I should have known. Seriously.

"_Hhh…ahh…"_

"Hell damn!" I belt out, irritated.

"_What do you need, N-Naruto_?" he asks, practically moaning my name.

"I was gonna see if you wanted to hang out, but clearly you're busy gettin' dick," I joke bitterly. "You go, Sasuke. Congratulations."

He hangs up a second later, not bothering to respond to my final comment. I guess it was catty of me. I'm just jealous. He's got all these partners and all I have is him. It doesn't really seem fair.

I flop onto my bed, setting my phone on my nightstand. I should get a fucking job. Then maybe I won't be so damn bored all the time. All my friends are dating and I hate feeling like the third wheel. Ever since me and Sakura broke up, I've had a lot of free time. I don't like it. I don't want me life to end up revolving around the bastard Sasuke. That would just be pathetic, especially because no parts of his life revolves around me. I'm trying to figure out why it bothers me so much. It shouldn't. We're friends, the end. I should be happy for him and happy he has something he enjoys, but instead I'm just bitter. I wish I wasn't.

* * *

After an hour of doing nothing productive, my phone rings. "Hello?" I answer it with a sigh.

"_Naruto_," comes Sasuke's familiar monotone.

"Oh, hey," I greet carelessly.

"_I just got home._ _Want to come over?"_ he offers.

I guess he has time for me now. "Sure," I mutter, hating myself for it.

I grab a sweater and leave, walking down the street as slow as I can. I don't want to look like I'm eager or anything. Jeez. When he opens the door, he takes one look at me and laughs. His eyes squint and he looks incredibly happy, though I know it's probably at my expense. Still, my stomach tightens at the sound.

"What's so funny?" I ask with a knowing sigh.

"When you called me," he starts once he sobers, "You sounded so fucking angry."

"Well," I mutter. "I wasn't exactly excited to be talking to you while you were getting railed. It's weird when I'm not the one railing you, to be frank."

His lips part and he lets out another short laugh. "Oh, wow…" he says, opening the door wider. "Well, come in. I can ease your jealously, if you'd like."

"No," I frown. "I'm not jealous and I'm not going to use you like that. I seriously just wanted to hang out. Gaara left and so I decided to fuckin' call you but you were busy. I didn't call you because I got horny and wanted to fuck."

I'm not jealous? Hah. What a crock of shit.

Sasuke rolls his eyes, slamming the front door behind me. "Naruto, you're such a _nice guy_."

"Don't say it so distastefully," I murmur.

He wrinkles his nose at me. "I've never met a nice guy. Don't pretend you're going to be here to treat me right and be my knight in shiny armour, or my fucking solace, or anything stupid like that because I know in the end you're probably just going to be another disappointment. So, stop pretending. Start acting like the jerk you are beneath the happy façade."

"What?" I frown. "Where's all this coming from?"

"I've been doing a lot of thinking," he starts. "It doesn't make sense to me why you want to spend time with me when all I do is cause you grief. You have lots of friends and they aren't like me. They're normal. They make you laugh. I don't."

"I don't fucking care about that," I groan, exasperated. "I care about _you_. I'm not trying to use you."

"It's okay if you are," he says. "I just want you to admit it."

"But why?" I snap, irritated that nothing I say is getting through to him.

"I like you, Naruto," he says. "That's why we need to be so fucking careful, okay?"

"I don't get what you mean," I murmur.

He sighs, raising a hand and flicking me on the nose. "You're dumb as a rock," he tells me in an almost endearing tone. "Lucky for you I enjoy stupid guys."

He's confusing as hell. "So, uh… you're parents are gone out, right?"

"Right," he confirms.

"Thought so," I murmur. "Otherwise, you probably wouldn't be acting like this."

He scoffs at me. "Like what?"

"Like a brat," I specify.

He shakes his head at me. "Itachi is home, but he's locked himself in his room."

"Oh," I say. "Has he like… done anything recently?"

I don't know how Sasuke can be in the same house as his brother and not feel like he's walking on glass. I don't understand how Mikoto and Fugaku can leave them alone and keep trying to play happy family.

"No," Sasuke says. "He's been perfectly fine this week. He even apologized to me… but I think he did it mostly because he knew he was supposed to, not necessarily because he felt remorse… Then again, maybe remorse comes and goes. I'm not sure anymore."

"Ah…" I give a long nod.

"It's like he thinks I'm evil or something," Sasuke murmurs, "but he also knows that if he tries to hurt me he'll be sent back to the hospital and he doesn't want to go back there."

"Sorry," I sympathize, "but you know… I think he genuinely did feel bad when he said sorry to you the other week. Like you said, it probably comes and goes and the voices in his head mess him up."

Sasuke rolls his eyes, giving me a look of impatience. "Just because you're fucking me it doesn't mean you have to be nice to me!" he snaps.

"Fine," I say moodily. "I'll just act like a dick, then. Would you prefer that?"

"Yes," he mutters. "Then there won't be any surprises when you finally realize I'm expendable."

"Fucking hell," I sigh.

He turns around and wanders into the kitchen. I follow him, watching as he fetches himself a glass of water. "Do you want anything?" he offers, sounding short-tempered.

"No, thanks," I decline.

He sips it slowly like he's drinking fine wine. Everything he does is so damn dainty. It's the Uchiha way, I guess. "There's no such thing as a nice guy," he insists once he's finished. He slams the cup onto the counter like he's just finished a shot glass of hard liquor. "The guys who say they're nice guys are the ones you really need to watch out for. They're the ones who are full of surprises. They'll lead you on and when they've got you, they'll tear you down and they won't leave a piece untouched. All that is left is an ugly mess."

I frown at how much certainty is in his tone. "Is that how you see me?"

"No, that's how I see me," he says with a bitter laugh. "This is a warning, Naruto. Get out while you still can."

There's humour in his tone and I can't be sure whether or not he's kidding around with me. "You're my friend," I say. "That won't change. Too much has happened."

"I get it," he says. "You want me. Lots of people do."

"You're so cocky," I scoff in disbelief. "I don't want you like that." Fuck, I'm lying. I'll admit it. I'm fucking lying. There's no use in pretending if he can see right through me, but I've got a stupid amount of pride and if he's going to be like this there's no way I'll say it out loud.

"Yeah, you do," he says surely. "Maybe you're trying to deny that part of yourself, but once you open your fucking eyes you'll realize it. You want me all to yourself and you're angry that I don't feel the same towards you."

"You're tripping," I insist, crossing my arms. "I don't want you. Who would? You're high maintenance."

"Yeah?" he asks, urging me to continue.

"Yeah," I continue bad-mouthing him. "You're so self-destructive it makes me want to scream. It literally makes me so fucking frustrated when you act like this and I need to force myself not to punch you! You're either super cocky, or you hate yourself. You're either really fun to be around, or a total fucking drag."

"Wow, I wonder why," he spits cynically. "It's not like I'm fucking bipolar or anything."

"I know you can't help it, but it's still annoying!" And I know I'm saying all the worst shit, but I can't stop now that I've started. "You do so many things that make no sense. I don't think you even put any thought to the things you do. You just roll with it. You fuck yourself over and you pretend not to care. You push away people who have gotten too close and that's why you're pushing me away."

For a moment, he's perfectly silent and blank-faced. He picks up his empty glass cup, staring at it for a moment before whirling it at the wall. With a loud crash, it smashes into countless pieces and they scatter on the floor.

"What the fuck?" I shout at him.

"That's what I think about what you just said," he tells me, blank faced.

"Boo fucking hoo," I snap. "You're being so childish. Something doesn't go your way, so what? You throw a fit? You break something?"

"You're not supposed to talk to me this way," he says angrily.

"Like I even care!" I shout some more.

"Oh, how sad," he sneers. "Naruto's feelings are hurt."

I grit my teeth. "You're the one who just fucking challenged me. Here I am, Sasuke! I'm acting like a complete asshole. Nothing gets through to you, so what's the point of being nice, right? All you are is a dumb slut, so I guess it doesn't matter how I treat you!" I'm too angry to think rationally. I feel like I haven't been this frustrated in a long time. I feel like I might start crying I'm so mad. I can already feel the lump forming in my throat. No matter how many times I swallow, it keeps coming back.

"Yeah," is all he says and his lack of response pisses me off even more. Before I can stop myself, I raise my hand and bring it across his face. I know it's a hard hit because my palm stings, but he barely reacts as his head swings to the side. He closes his eyes and sighs.

"Shit!" I shout. "I'm sorry!" He turns around and leans over the counter, refusing to look at me. I lightly touch one of his shoulders. "Sorry…" I say again and his shoulders tremble as he lets out the first sob.

"Fuck," he whispers, bringing his hands up and covering his face as he cries into his palms.

I screwed up. "Sorry…" I say weakly.

He turns around and shoves me. "This is why I hate people!" he screams, each word coming out ragged and distraught. "Everyone pretends to be patient and understanding, but they all get tired of it! No one fucking understands and no one tries to!" He sinks into the floor and continues bawling his eyes out.

I kneel down next to him and pull him into my chest. "You're right," I say. He continues sobbing, angrily clawing at my chest and murmuring hate-words. I let him and eventually he goes limp in my arms, his crying turns to sniffling and he goes silent. Even after he's finished, we stay sitting like this for a few more minutes until he finally draws away from me.

"Don't look at me," he murmurs, wiping his cheeks and eyes dry. "I look like shit."

"Nah," I insist. "You look perfectly fine."

"Fuck," he sighs, standing up.

I follow him to his feet and ask, "What now? How do you feel?"

"I don't know," he admits.

Suddenly, the front door opens and a moment later, Mikoto and Fugaku stroll into the kitchen. Mikoto frowns when she spots the state of her son. Fugaku is always frowning, so you never really know what's on his mind.

"Baby, what's wrong?" she asks softly, approaching him and cupping his face in her hands. She notices the palm print on his cheek and rubs her thumb over it lightly before giving me a look of immense disapproval.

"I was being a dick," I admit. "Sorry."

"Tsk," Mikoto clicks her tongue at the both of us, wrapping her arms around her son and pulling him close. "And I thought you were finally learning to get along."

"Old habits die hard," I say stupidly.

"It's fine, Mom," Sasuke finally speaks. His voice is hoarse, probably from all the crying. "I broke a glass."

Mikoto allows her hands to fall and Sasuke strolls out of the room a moment later. She sighs, sharing a look of uncertainty with her husband. Without another word, I follow Sasuke out. I half expect Fugaku to pull me aside and threaten me, but he doesn't. He lets me leave.

"Sorry for making you cry again," I whisper to Sasuke once we're far enough away.

"Shut up," is all he says, crossing his arms and looking unimpressed.

"M'kay," I mumble as we slowly walk down the hallway. "Want me to leave now?"

"I don't care," he says as we reach the front door.

I let out a sigh. "Just say what you want." He eyes me for a moment, not saying anything. Slowly, I reach a hand up and touch the palm-print on his cheek. "Does it hurt?" I ask.

"It's fine," he murmurs. "You've given me way worse than a slap."

"I guess," I admit. "But it's different now. Friends aren't supposed to hit friends… and if we're going to have the kind of friendship we have, I most definitely shouldn't be hurting you."

"I'll get over it," he insists. "Stop making a big deal out of everything."

"Fine," I say with a sigh. I grab his face and kiss the top of his head. "I'm sorry. I'll try to be better."

"You kiss me a lot," he mentions. "More than other people do… More than my own mother does these days."

"Yeah, so?" I shrug.

"You _care_?" he asks bitterly.

"I told you already," I start, "I _do_ care. You're my friend."

"So fucking weird," he murmurs and I can't really disagree with him. It _is_ pretty weird. "Anyway, go home. You've ruined everything and I don't want to see you anymore tonight."

I roll my eyes. "Right… fair enough. See yah around."

I let myself out, shutting the door behind me. When I leave, I spot Kisame leaning against a parked car, which I assume is his. I hold up a hand and give an awkward wave.

"Oh, hey," he greets, taking a long puff of the cigarette in between his fingers. "You're Sasuke's friend, right?"

"Loose term, but yeah…" I say.

"He's a fuckin' handful, that kid," he laughs hoarsely.

"I know," I murmur.

"I'll let you in on a little secret," he says. "You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, okay? It's pretty obvious Sasuke isn't ready for it. You're not going to be able to swoop in and save him. Sasuke is the only person who can save Sasuke. This heroic shit gets so hyped up, but to be honest… it's not real. This is why they make movies and write books. It's not real. Sure, it's a sweet idea… save your friend from himself… but it's not true. Maybe Sasuke won't ever give himself a break. Maybe one day he'll wake up and he'll realize he doesn't want to be a part of the world anymore. He'll kill himself. He'll be gone. That's the fucking reality of this. It's dark. It's not happy. It's not fun. It sucks and so many kids are affected by this shit. Why? Who the hell knows. Welcome to this shitty world. We're in the Prozac Nation."

"Well, fuck," I mutter once he's finished speaking.

"So," he flicks the ash off his cigarette, "You gotta ask yourself something, kid. You gotta ask yourself what you're gonna do if you lose him. Prepare yourself."

"You're too negative," I tell him.

"I'm realistic," he insists. "Itachi tried to kill his brother. He tried to kill himself before, too. Someday he might succeed. I'm prepared for that. Yeah, I'll admit it… I love that crazy fuck, but I'm still prepared to let him go. If you truly love someone, you need to be able to do at least that much... for your sake and for their sake as well."

"It won't happen," I say.

Kisame chuckles. "Answer the question. What'll you do if he dies?"

"I don't know," I admit. "I feel like, in a way, I just met him… Even though I've known him my whole life, I'm only now getting to know who he really is."

"He'll draw you in," Kisame says. "That's the Uchiha way. Sometimes I think that whole family is cursed."

"Yeah," I murmur. I've met a few other Uchihas. They're all a bit strange. It's like none of them are really all that happy. Maybe it's bad genetics. I don't know. Maybe they just work too hard. That can be a killer. Either way, they're creepy. It's like they have a secret – a dangerous secret. I just hope I never have to find out for sure what it might be.

"Sasuke and Itachi are both two extreme cases," he says. "Schizophrenia… it can be manageable for lots of people, but for Itachi it is harder. And Sasuke… that poor bastard has PTSD on top of BPD."

"I know," I sigh. Plus, there's the illegal drugs.

Kisame pats my shoulder roughly. "There's nothing you can do, all right? Keep reminding yourself that. You're not going to be a hero. I've heard stories of your infamous hero-complex, but it won't come in handy this time. It might just be your downfall. You'll try too hard and you'll get angry that nothing is working. There's nothing you can do."

"There are some things I can do," I say. "I can be there when he's upset, or when he wants to talk… I can be there when he's angry. I don't mind being a target for his emotions."

"How altruistic," Kisame says and it sounds like he's mocking me. Nonetheless, I'm not swayed.

"Yeah, yeah…" I murmur. I don't want to keep screwing up and hurting Sasuke. I feel really fucking awful for making him so upset. It's weird. I never pegged him for the emotional type, but he spends so much time trying to suppress himself. That's why he comes off as such a jerk. Deep down, he feels too much. It kills him.

"You better be careful," he warns. "Kids like you always end up getting hurt because you're stupid and you don't know when to sit down."

I laugh at that. "Yeah, I know. I've been hurt lots of times, but I always bounce back."

"The same can't be said for everyone," he adds. "Some people just dig themselves into deeper holes. You know… the same could happen to you one day. Something might happen and it'll be too much for you to handle. You'll snap. You'll hurt yourself or someone else."

I frown at him. "Why are you analysing me?"

He shrugs, chuckling darkly. "I'm good at reading people. Itachi was once like that, too. I was a TA when I met him, y'know. I taught the first year labs at the forensics department at the university. He was still a student back then. I was still working to become a DNA profiler. I was good with research… good with the human body, but bad with the human mind. Maybe he somehow influenced me to open my eyes a bit. Because of him, I understand people a little more than I used to."

"You're idea of humanity is warped," I tell him.

"No, I think _yours_ is," he says. "You see the good, but I see the truth. Humans are inherently evil and inflicting pain on another living creature gives most people a sick thrill." He tosses the cigarette onto the ground, stepping on it. "Anyway, I'm going to head in for a visit."

"See you around," I murmur.

"Remember what I told you," he calls as he strolls past me and up the driveway.

I turn away and begin heading home. There's no fucking way I'd forget what he said. How grim. I wish I could.


	9. Through the grapevine

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.**

**I just started posting another Naruto fic, so ya'all should check it out! **

**Also I dropped my summer powerstudy course so I am free as a bird which means more fanfiction ayyy. **

* * *

At school on Monday, it's clear that Sasuke is avoiding me. He won't look at me in the hallway or in class, but we're having a practise after school because we have a game on Friday. He won't be able to avoid me when we're out on the field.

Sakura smiles at me in the hallway. I smile back at her. I'm not going to be bitter. We've been civil to each other since the breakup and I plan on keeping it that way. "So," she starts, sidling up beside me as I near my locker, "What's this I hear about you and Sasuke becoming friends?"

"Yeah," I snort. "I guess we kind of are. Who told you? Karin?"

"Yeah," she chuckles.

"Thought so," I laugh, grabbing a textbook.

"What changed things?" she wonders. "I mean, just a little while ago, you hated him."

"I never hated him," I correct her. "Hate is too strong a word… I guess I did dislike him, though. We never got along. I mean, shit… We still don't get along that great. The friendship is tense."

"He's got a bruise," she points out. "Is that from you?"

"Yeah," I cringe. "I actually didn't even mean to hit him, but it happened like a reflex. I'm so used to hitting him, I couldn't even stop myself."

"He didn't hit you back?" she asks in disbelief.

I shake my head. "Nah, but he was pissed. His parents came home after that, so we kind of simmered down."

"You were at his house…" she murmurs.

"Uh, yeah…" I say slowly. "Why…?"

She shrugs. "No reason. It's just odd. I'm so used to you detesting him and not wanting to spend any time with him at all and now suddenly you are spending time with him without your parents even having to force it."

"Are you jealous?" I ask jokingly.

"I might be," she chuckles before sobering. "I'm sorry, Naruto."

"What for?"

She lets out a sigh and I shut my locker door. We head down the hallway towards class before she finally starts speaking again. "I was selfish. I knew the person I wanted would never want me and that is why I settled for you."

I let out a groan. "Look, we don't have to do this now, Sakura. I don't want to end up feeling even shittier than I do right now."

"What's wrong?" she asks.

"Just stressed out," I tell her vaguely. I don't bother telling her that the cause of most of my stress is indeed Sasuke. She doesn't need to know that because that means she would begin prying and I can't really afford her asking questions I don't want to answer. Besides, I'm really bad with this kind of thing. I always end up spilling people's secrets. I'm bad at keeping my mouth shut.

We enter class and Sakura is still trying to apologize to me. "Dude, look, it's fine," I insist. "I'm over it." It's true. I am pretty over it. I've got new things to worry about, even if they're things I don't really deserve to worry about since I'm part of the problem.

"Are you?" she asks, sounding like she doesn't believe me.

"Yeah," I laugh. "So, I forgive you and whatever, okay?"

"Okay," she says softly. "If you're sure."

I offer her a smile before turning my head to the teacher. I'll pretend to pay attention.

* * *

After school, I shove my books into my locker and grab my sports gear before making my way to the gym. In the locker rooms, Kiba is already dressed.

"Where's Sasuke?" I ask, but Kiba only shrugs in response, not looking like he really gives a damn. I don't blame him. Sasuke isn't exactly nice to him and vice versa. I put my bag down and change into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, walking back into the gymnasium with Kiba.

"There's Sasuke," Kiba says, pointing. I follow his finger and spot Sasuke on the sidelines, already dressed in shorts and a t-shirt. He's talking to Juugo, Suigetsu and Karin. I force myself to look away. Instead, I stare up at the bleachers. As always, they're pretty packed. I spot Sai and Ino up there. When we make eye contact, they wave. I wave back, grinning at them. There are a lot of girls here. Naturally, it's because of Sasuke. They like to watch him run and jump around in his shorts and get all sweaty.

A few minutes later, the coach calls us into the center of the room. "Shirts versus skins," he says. "We've got a big game this Friday and I want us all to be ready."

After an encouraging speech, he puts us into teams. Much to the chagrin of most of the female audience, Sasuke is yet again a shirt. He's always a shirt. I think he might've spoken to the coach at the start of the year about not wanting to take off his shirt in front of the school. He probably made up some random reason, but I know the truth now. He's got the scars – the ones Itachi gave him. Scary stuff.

Me and Kiba are skins, so we shed out shirts before tossing them to the sidelines and the game commences. Sai and Ino whistle at us and I can't help but chuckle. They probably don't realize it, but they always have a way of keeping me in good spirits.

* * *

Our team ends up winning, but it's a close game.

Back in the locker room, I peel off my sweaty clothes before heading to the showers. A minute later, Sasuke is standing under the nozzle next to mine. "Hey," I greet him offhandedly as I rinse off.

"Hey," he returns, shampooing his hair.

"Are we fighting?" I ask.

"You _did_ hit me," he mentions.

"I know," I murmur, internally cursing at myself. "I'm really sorry about that. I didn't mean to."

He sighs. "Yeah, you did. It fuckin' hurt. I don't know why, but it hurt more than the punches you used to throw my way."

"It's because we're friends now," I say.

He scoffs lightly, closing his eyes and ducking his head under the running water to rinse out the suds. "Hardly," he insists.

"So, we're back to that?"

"Yes."

"Then what are we?" I ask.

"I don't know," he admits.

"I think we're friends," I say.

"You think you're _everyone's_ friend," he bites.

"I pretty much am," I snort. "Most people love me."

"Aren't you special?" he mutters cynically, turning the tap off. I do the same and follow him out of the shower and back to the locker. We towel off and, as always, Sasuke makes sure his back is to the wall and every dude in the room has a clear view of his dangling junk.

"Why do you care if people see the marks?" I ask, putting on a pair of boxer shorts.

"It's my business," he says, understanding what I'm referring to. "If people see, they'll ask questions they have no right to be asking."

"Hm… I guess so," I murmur. "Did you tell the coach about it? You're always a shirt, never a skin."

"I fed him a boring lie about being shy and he ate it up," Sasuke says.

Thought so.

We finish getting dressed, grabbing our bags and preparing to leave the locker rooms. When we approach the door, Kiba is standing there with arms crossed. He's smirking at us, causing me to roll my eyes.

"Move, dog," Sasuke commands haughtily.

Kiba's smirk widens. "As you wish, princess," he bows, sliding out of the way.

Sasuke sneers at him, opening the door and leaving. I let out a snicker, glancing at Kiba. "Okay, what's that look for, dude?"

"He must like you a lot," Kiba notes. "I saw you guys chatting. He seemed to speak pretty freely to you. I think that's funny as fuck."

"Oh, really?" I ask flatly.

"I mean," he continues, "Sasuke is kind of fucked in the head. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Are you offering him moral support or something?"

"Or something," I mumble vaguely. "And I know what you're going to ask… No, I'm not going to give you any dirt."

Kiba looks intrigued. "So, you really do know some bad shit about him, eh?"

I shrug. "I always have, dude. I've seen him have a few temper tantrums when we were kids, but that stopped when we entered our mid-teen years and he turned apathetic. They were nothing compared to the fits I'd have, but still."

"I can't imagine him having a temper tantrum," Kiba snickers at the thought. "He's depressed or something, right? Chouji said something like that."

"He's bipolar," I correct in a murmur. Chouji was there the night I was questioning Suigetsu and Juugo. I guess we should have told him to keep quiet. Sasuke probably doesn't want the entire school knowing he's dealing with stuff. "Who else knows?"

Kiba shrugs. "Chouji told a few of the girls," he says. "Ino knows… so she probably told a bunch of people."

I groan in response. "Well, keep it to yourself, okay? I doubt he wants people knowing."

"You know I will, dude," he promises. I trust him. Sure, he has a mean streak when it comes to Sasuke, but Kiba isn't the kind of guy who would try to shame him either. At least, I hope he's not.

We finally exit the locker rooms and instead of Sai and Ino waiting for me like usual, Sakura is there. "Hey, great game," she says with a smile.

Politely, I thank her. I wave Kiba off before exiting the gymnasium with Sakura. "So, what's up?"

"Can I get a ride home?" she asks. "Sorry..."

"Yeah, sure," I say. "It's fine." I swing my bag over my shoulders as we leave the school, making our way to my jeep. I get in the driver's seat while she settles in the passenger. I put the music on so we won't be forced to make awkward conversation.

"So, Karin told me Sasuke is taken," she murmurs after a few minutes.

"Yeah, he's seeing someone," I vaguely confirm. She's probably been wanting to ask me about it since this morning.

"Oh," she says sadly.

"Sorry, Sakura," I tell her. "You never had a chance with him… Trust me. His type isn't you. I'm not saying it to be mean, I just… you deserve to know."

"I know," she admits quietly. "I wish I didn't feel this way, but I can't help it."

"Why _do_ you love him?" I ask bluntly. "What do you like about him? I mean, he's kind of a dick to you, isn't he? What do you find that is so enthralling about him?"

She pauses for a moment. "He's unattainable."

"That's fuckin' stupid," I mutter.

"Look, Naruto," she says tersely. "Sometimes feelings can't be explained. They're just there." She's probably right, but for some reason, I'm in the mood to argue.

"You don't even know him… you never did," I say.

She scoffs lightly. "And what about you? Don't make me laugh, Naruto. You don't know him, either. You just beat on him."

"I'm on good terms with him now," I say, "and I know him better than you do. I know a lot about him. He actually fucking _talks_ to me these days."

"It's not a contest," she murmurs.

Damn it. I sound so petty and jealous right now, even to my own ears. "I know," I sigh. "I'm sorry. I'm just in a bad mood lately."

She nods her head lightly. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," I say.

She pauses. "Hey… is Sasuke okay?"

"Is this why you wanted to talk?" I ask dryly. "Just to ask about Sasuke? Come on and say what you want to say, Sakura. If you have a question on the tip of your tongue, just ask it."

"Will you promise to answer?"

"No," I say. "I can't promise that."

She lets out a sigh. "Ino told me that Chouji told her that he heard Suigetsu and Juugo telling you that Sasuke is mentally ill."

"What a mouthful," I chuckle. "Sounds like that rumor went through the grapevine a few times."

"Yeah," she laughs lightly. "I didn't think it was true. I thought that Ino was just pulling stuff out of her ass again… you know how she is. She likes to talk."

"Yeah," I snort. "It's what she's best at… but she's a solid girl."

"True," Sakura smiles faintly.

I pull into her driveway, but for a moment, she stays seated. "You good…?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at her.

She lets out a sigh. "I really love him, Naruto…"

"I know you do," I murmur, not wanting to keep fighting. "I won't pretend to understand it." Truth is, I don't understand it. Truth is, Sakura doesn't know Sasuke. She sees the pieces of him that he allows to be seen. She doesn't see the things I see. I wonder, if she did, would she run away? Or would she stay? He doesn't like her at all and I think the saddest thing of all is when a person pines after someone who will never love them. I wish Sakura could find happiness elsewhere and stop mistaking lust for love. "Would you still feel the same way if he was ugly?" I ask her.

"I'm not shallow, Naruto," she insists in response. She bends over, putting her head in her hands. She doesn't cry. Instead, she just takes a few deep breaths. "I shouldn't love him, though… He hates me."

"He hates a lot of people, I think," I admit. Himself most of all, but I don't say that.

She raises her head and looks at me. "But he doesn't hate you."

"True," I say. "I'm not sure why."

"Is his girlfriend nice?" Sakura asks offhandedly, changing the subject slightly.

I shrug, playing dumb. "Not sure," I lie.

"Haven't you met her?" she pries.

I shake my head. "There are some things he refuses to let me in on."

"I know," she says. "I just thought… maybe he'd tell you. I know you two are closer these days."

"Yeah," I nod, "but that is one thing he probably doesn't talk about with anyone."

Sakura smiles wearily. "Well, whoever she is… she's lucky. I hope she treats him well. I feel like he's a lot more fragile than he lets on."

I just chuckle, not bothering to tell her how fucking right she is.

"Anyway, I'm glad he has a friend like you, Naruto," she adds, finally opening the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," I murmur.


	10. Out in the open

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.**

**Over 100 reviews! Wow! Thank you all! **

* * *

After school on Wednesday, Sasuke comes over. He initiates it. I'm not sure why, but I won't complain. I kind of like having him around. Well, I guess that much is pretty fucking obvious. Fortunately, my parents haven't brought up the fact that I'm sleeping with Sasuke. I want to bury that unfortunate memory, but the most embarrassing memories always have a habit of resurfacing at the worst of times.

When me and Sasuke stroll through the door, my mom greets us with a smile. "Hi, boys."

"Hi, Mom," I greet.

"Hi, Kushina," Sasuke murmurs and the two of us retreat to my room. My mom probably knows what's up, but she's going to pretend to be oblivious. That's probably for the best.

Once we're in my room, I lock the door and we begin tearing our clothes off. Once Sasuke is naked, he lies flat on his back on my mattress. Once I finish undressing, I roll on a condom and lube up before plowing in. I don't hesitate.

We try to be quiet since my mom is downstairs, but the bed springs are creaking. "Fucking hell," I mutter as we relocate onto the carpet.

Sasuke smile slightly, lying on his back once more. I grab his legs and pull his body towards mine, positioning myself before pushing forward. I stare down at him, watching the look on his face as I jerk my hips back and forth.

"What?" he murmurs.

"Nothin'," I say.

A minute later, my god damn cellphone starts ringing. I let out a growl, growing impatient.

"It's okay," Sasuke says. "You can answer it."

"Okay," I mutter, pausing. I reach onto my nightstand and grab my phone, greeting, "Hello?"

"_Hey, dude_," comes Kiba's familiar voice.

"Oh, uh, what's up?" I ask.

"_I'm bored_," he says. "_Can I come over?"_

"Er, one sec," I tell him, pressing the phone to my chest. "Kiba wants to come over," I whisper to Sasuke.

He shrugs. "Tell him to come over in fifteen minutes or something."

I nod, bringing the phone back to my ear. "Yeah, sure. Come over in fifteen, yeah?"

"_Okay, sounds good_," Kiba says.

"Sasuke will also be here," I add.

"_That's fine_," Kiba says. "_I'm going to stop and get coffee. Do you want anything?"_

"Yeah, grab me one, too," I say. I look down at Sasuke, who looks like he's trying to suppress laughter. He has his lips pressed firmly together, as if the whole ordeal is humorous. He wiggles his hips and I try not to moan into the receiver.

"_What does Sasuke like?"_ Kiba asks.

"Uh, you can get him green tea," I say, voice strained. "No sugar."

"_Okay, see you in a bit_," he hangs up.

I let out a breath, closing my phone and setting it back on the nightstand. "Holy shit," I say. "It's like the world doesn't want us to be fucking right now."

Sasuke lets out a short laugh before lightly touching my stomach and urging me to continue. "Come on."

I pull out half way before pushing in again, moving in a steady rhythm. I reach forward and wrap my fingers around his cock. He closes his eyes, covering his mouth with his hand in an attempt to keep himself quiet.

Soon, his breath hitches and he lets out a quiet string of breathy moans as he comes. He looks dazed. I can't help but wonder how many other people have seen him looking like this and what they were thinking when they were staring down at him. I'd like to imagine them only thinking good things, but I know that's probably far from reality.

I lean down over him, continuing to swing my hips back and forth. I feel his hands running across my back, touching the nape of my neck and travelling up and down my spine. I finish with a grunt and the two of us just stay still. I'm staring down at him and he's staring up at me. His face is flushed and mine probably is, too.

"Why do you always watch me?" he asks in a murmur. "The entire time, you're looking right at me."

"Because," I say, pulling out, "you're not expendable. I'm not gay or nothin', but I'm also not going to pretend you're someone else." I'm not ready to outright admit that I'm into him. He already assumes it. I don't want to give him something to be smug about.

"How touching," he mutters dryly. "You have a way with words, Naruto, you walking no-homo."

We disconnect a moment later and stand up. I take the condom off, throwing it in the trash while Sasuke takes a tissue and cleans himself. "Kiba should be here in a few minutes," I add. "We should get dressed."

"Hn," Sasuke mumbles, picking his clothing up off the floor.

As predicted, the doorbell rings a split second later. I throw my clothes on quickly and run downstairs to answer the door. Kiba is standing there with a tray full of drinks. He's wearing grey sweats and a red tee. A lazy day, I guess. "Hey," he greets.

"Hey," I return, opening the door and letting him in. "Me and Sasuke are just chilling upstairs."

"Okay, cool," he says as we return to my room. "I still think it's pretty fuckin' weird that you guys are friends," he admits, handing me my coffee.

"Same," I snort. "Thanks, dude."

Sasuke is sitting on my bed, dressed with his poker face in place. You'd never think he just got his brains fucked out. Now he just looks bored.

"Ay, princess," Kiba says, taking the one of the cups out of the take out trey. "I got you a drink."

"How nice of you," Sasuke says flatly, taking the cup from Kiba. "And stop calling met that."

"No," Kiba shakes his head. "I think it suits you."

"How?" Sasuke asks, eyebrow twitching in annoyance.

"Well," Kiba starts, taking a seat next to him on the mattress. "You're the entire package. You might be fun to look at, but you're high maintenance and prissy a fuck."

Sasuke cringes at him. "No, I'm not."

I take a seat at my desk chair and say, "Let's not fight, guys. Try to get along."

Sasuke wrinkles his nose at me, but remains quiet nonetheless. He closes his eyes and takes a sip of the tea Kiba bought him.

"Good?" Kiba asks.

"Hm," Sasuke murmurs.

"I'll take that as a yes," Kiba smirks. "So, when did Sasuke get here?"

"He's been here for a while," I say.

"Oh," Kiba says, raising an eyebrow. "What were you guys doing when I called? Your voice sounded strained. I hope you guys weren't being _naughty_ and fighting again."

"I don't even remember," I say, trying to play it cool. I give Sasuke a questioning look and he shrugs in response.

"I don't either," he adds. "Probably nothing important."

"Oh," Kiba shrugs it off. "Well, what've you two been up to?"

"Nothing," Sasuke and I say in unison.

Kiba's eyes narrow. "Is it just me… or are things pretty tense in here?"

Sasuke scoffs. "It's just you."

"All right, I won't pry," Kiba relents. "Anyway, are you guys pumped up for the game this weekend?"

"Yeah," I say. "We're going to kick some ass."

"We always do," Kiba grins.

Sasuke rolls his eyes, silently listening to my back and forth sports talk with Kiba. We keep the conversation light and after twenty minutes, Sasuke announces his departure. "I should leave," he says airily. He stands up and discards the empty cup of tea in the garbage.

"All right," I say, waving him off. Without another word, he leaves my room and a minute later I hear the front door open and close.

"Ah," I sigh, pointing to the space Sasuke was just sitting. "He left his fucking phone again."

"Again?" Kiba asks, picking the iPhone up.

"Yeah, I found it again a while ago," I admit. "He was a bit frantic over it, I could tell. I made him say please before I gave it back to him."

Kiba snickers. "Nice… Though, I probably would have made him kiss my feet or suck my dick."

I shake my head at him. "Of course you would've."

"Do you know what his password is?" Kiba asks.

"Yeah," I say without thinking. Fuck, I'm brainless sometimes.

He raises an eyebrow, making an 'o' shape with his mouth. "Fuckin' seriously?"

Eugh. "Er, yeah. He told me."

"Shit," Kiba states, shaking his head in disbelief. "This is actually quite a serious friendship you've got going on with him." He smiles lecherously. "Is it love, Naru-chan?"

"Ha-ha," I mutter dryly. "You're hilarious."

"I really wanna look through it," he murmurs, scrolling up and down Sasuke's notifications. "Too bad it's locked. Shit, his recent texts don't even say anything of interest. They're all boring and standard. One says 'Are you free?' and another says, 'Tomorrow.' I don't know what any of that means. There aren't even any names. Is he part of like a fuckin' drug ring or something? Heh."

"Not even, dude," I say, holding out my hand. "Come on, give it here."

Kiba ignores me. He starts typing something into the phone and suddenly he shouts, "Hah!"

"What?" I ask wearily, letting my hand fall.

"I guessed the password," he smirks at me.

"Dude… don't," I sigh, standing up. "Seriously… hand it over."

"Sasuke is lame," he says with a little laugh. "His password is his birthday? What a loser. Everyone knows that's the most obvious guess."

"I think he has crappy short-term memory," I say, moving to stand in front of him. "Maybe he thought his birthdate would be easiest for him to remember…" I flop onto him and try to pry the phone out of his hands, but he's not having any of it.

"Get off, bro," he says.

"Gimme the phone and I will," I assure him. He shakes his head, locking his legs around my mid-section and keeping my in place. "This is kinda gay," I point out, not exactly revelling in the sensation of his flaccid dick against my stomach.

He ignores me, but seemingly out of nowhere, he shouts and tosses the phone across the room. "AHHH! FUCK!" His eyes are wide. "Dude… what the shit?"

I grind my teeth together, giving up and resting my cheek on his abdomen. "Were you looking through his pictures?" I ask knowingly.

Kiba lets out a long whine. "Oh, God… What the fuck did I just see?"

"Yeah," I mutter. "I don't know how to explain that to you, to be honest."

"Ugh!" Kiba groans, releasing me and pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes. "Why would he take photos like that?"

"He says they're so he _remembers_," I murmur, sitting up.

"Remembers what?" Kiba demands. "That he's thirsty and skanky? Hell, I knew he wasn't straight. He's too good looking! Even I have to admit it!"

"Yeah," I snort. "I bet he turns the heads of a lotta so-called straight dudes."

Kiba lets his hands fall over his face. "Fuck. I will never be able to get those images out of my head now. How am I going to look at him again with a straight face? All I'll be able to see is him getting rammed."

"You're being overdramatic," I say impatiently. "I didn't even react like that when I saw them."

"Hell," Kiba murmurs, shaking his head.

"Don't fucking tell anyone," I warn him. "Not even Hinata."

"I won't," he promises. "Like hell I'll be bringing that up. _Oh, honey… guess what I saw today! Sasuke's dick and butthole!"_

I shake my head at him.

A minute later, I hear the front door open again. "My Dad must be home," I say, but instead, there are footsteps coming upstairs and approaching my door. It swings open and Sasuke is standing there.

"I forgot my phone," he announces.

"Again," I add. "Um, Kiba threw it on the floor." I point to it's location and he picks it up.

"Why would he do that?" Sasuke asks, eying Kiba.

Kiba lets out a groan, sounding ill. "I guessed your password and I looked through your phone and I saw your pictures."

Sasuke frowns, pressing a few buttons before putting the phone in his pocket. "You're lucky it isn't broken," he murmurs.

"Is that all you're gonna say?" Kiba asks in disbelief. "I saw pictures of your DICK!"

"A lot more than my dick, I bet," Sasuke says, crossing his arms. "I'm going to assume that Naruto told you the password?"

"No, I didn't!" I protest. "Kiba guessed it!"

"Yeah, dude, it wasn't that fuckin' hard to guess," Kiba snorts.

"Well, then," Sasuke sighs. "Thank you for sitting idly by while my privacy was invaded, Naruto."

"I didn't…" I mumble, because it's all I really can say.

"To be fair, he tried to make me hand it over," Kiba says. "I was just a little too determined."

Sasuke wrinkles his nose at the both of us and I add, "But look… it's out in the open now."

"Oh, lovely," Sasuke says flatly. "This is just what I wanted, Naruto. Thank you ever so much." Suddenly, he smiles at Kiba. It's a sweet smile, which is all the more unsettling. "Did Naruto also tell you that he fucked me this afternoon?"

Kiba's eyes nearly bugger out of his skull. "What the _fuck_?" he practically shouts. "Is that what you guys were doing before I got here?"

"Oh, yeah," Sasuke says with a nod. "He railed me hard and guess what? It wasn't the first time."

"Shut up!" I say in a shrill tone.

"Why?" Sasuke asks, giving me a dull stare. "You let him know things about me. I'm just returning the favor. He's your best friend after all, isn't that right? No more fucking secrets. Everything is out in the open, right, Naruto?"

I pinch the bridge of my nose. He's right. I know he's right. I glance over at Kiba, who looks stunned. He closes his eyes for a moment and lets out a breath before opening them. "Okay," he says calmly. "So, you guys are together?"

"No," I say.

"Definitely not," Sasuke adds. "I would never date an incompetent fuck like Naruto."

Ouch. "We're just…" I pause, "hooking up."

"Okay," Kiba nods, exhaling. "It's okay. That's totally fine. I've recovered from the initial shock."

I roll my eyes and Sasuke stomps over to where Kiba is seated. "Don't fucking tell anyone about what you found out today," he warns pointedly, jabbing him in the chest.

"Don't worry, princess," he says, slapping Sasuke on the shoulder and offering him a big grin.

"And stop fucking calling me that!" Sasuke demands.

"Nah," Kiba's grin turns into a sly smirk. "You're like… Snow White! Naruto can be the prince."

Sasuke gives Kiba a look of distaste. "Dumbass." He turns and looks at me. "I swear, Naruto. If I find out you've let anyone else in on my personal life, I'll hurt you."

I force a sheepish smile. "Don't worry, Sasuke. I won't."

He gives me and Kiba one more look of disgust before leaving again. "So, you're fuckin' Sasuke," Kiba murmurs after he's disappeared.

"Yeah," I say.

"Well," he shrugs, "I guess if you wanted to hook up with a dude, Sasuke is the best option. He's hella pretty."

I nod slowly. "He's got a really nice body."

"Yeah," Kiba chuckles.

"He's soft… kind of like a girl…" I continue to swoon.

"And he's got pretty sweet rear for a dude," Kiba winks, humoring me. "If I got drunk enough, I could probably eat his ass… I do love me some ass."

I let out a surprised laugh, feeling glad that Kiba isn't weirded out or anything. It's relieving. "Aw, what would Hinata say?"

Kiba snickers at me. "You're so into him it's not even funny, so don't deny it."

"I know," I groan, rubbing my forehead. "I keep trying to say it's just carnal lust… but I'm lying. Sasuke called me out on it the other day. He was being cocky about it and he kind of laughed me off."

"Dick move," Kiba says.

"Mhm…" I murmur. "I ended up hitting him really fucking hard and making him cry that night, though."

"I wouldn't mind seeing him cry," Kiba says with a grim laugh.

"Sadist," I say and he shrugs, not bothering to deny it. "Well, I'm not one to enjoy people's tears… I hate when he cries and knowing I made him cry made me feel even worse. I seem to have a talent for it lately…"

"Hm," Kiba muses thoughtfully. "Just try to control yourself. There isn't really anything else you _can_ do. You can't magically undo things. You can just move on and promise to be better. I doubt you want to turn into one of those shitty, abusive guys."

"Wise words, Kiba," I say with a little smile.

"Hey, I can be smart sometimes," he laughs. "Anyway, on a more serious note – if you're actually into him, I'll try being friendly with him."

"Thanks, man. I 'preciate it."

"Naruto and Sasuke," he says. "Who woulda thunk it?"

"Not me," I admit. "Not in a million years."

"Me neither."

"Hey…" I start. "If you hear people talking about how Sasuke is bipolar, can you do damage control?"

Kiba nods. "Yeah, I'll tell them it's a rumor."

"Okay, good," I say. "Sakura asked me about it a little while ago and that's basically what I told her. I mean… it's nothing to be ashamed of, but I know Sasuke wouldn't want people knowing about it either way."

"True," Kiba says. "Heh… I feel like I'm part of some secret club now. A club for people who know Sasuke's secrets."

I roll my eyes at him, frowning. "Yeah, you're one of the special few."

* * *

Me and Kiba end up farting around for another couple hours until my mom calls us for dinner. He leaves shortly after eating and the day is coming to an end. Today was pretty eventful, I have to admit. I'll also admit that I'm really relieved Kiba knows about Sasuke, even if it was a pretty awful move on my behalf. Kiba is easy to talk to when he's not being dramatic. He's got my back. Having him know I'm going at it with Sasuke is probably a good thing. It beats keeping it a secret. Clearly, Sasuke is a pretty big part of my life now and Kiba has always been a big part of my life. If both of them will allow it, I want them to become friends… but I'm probably just being hopeful. Kiba and Sasuke… friends? Pah.


	11. Game on

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.**

**Kiba the sadist. We all have a little bit of Kiba in us. **

* * *

I grab Sasuke's hips, preventing him from lurching forward. I brush my thumbs across the dimples on his back. He moans, pressing his face into the mattress as I rail him from behind. It's become a sort of pattern. We're pretty still terse to each other during the school day, but once classes end, we go back to my place and we screw around. I guess he's not mad about what happened with Kiba. Actually, he won't even spare him a look.

Kids at school – namely girls – have been wondering about the constant state of Sasuke's neck. It's covered in hickeys from yours truly. "Sasuke has a hickey!" Kiba will knowingly sing song, while people like Sakura find it far less amusing. I bet I'm the last person the girls suspect is attacking Sasuke's neck.

Sasuke always brushes the teasing questions off when guys on the soccer team ask if he's got a special lady friend. It makes me want to chuckle. When did things get so… weird? I can't even remember. I never thought I'd be looking at a guy like this and I never thought I'd want to be looking at a guy like this. Sasuke is different, though. It's not just the way he looks. It's other things. It's the small thing – the seemingly unimportant things. If it was shallow attraction, I think I would have tried to get with him a long time ago. I've always looked past his appearance.

I pull out and flip him onto his back before pushing in again. Sasuke shudders, eyes half lidded as he stares up at the ceiling. "You good?" I ask.

"Mm…" he mumbles, closing his eyes all the way. His lips are parted and soft breaths escape.

It's Friday now. We've got a soccer game in two hours. Kiba gave me a pretty knowing look when he saw Sasuke and me leaving the school together. He didn't question it. He knows what's up. Just like my parents. They don't question it either. It's better that way. Sometimes things take a while to get funny. Maybe, someday, they'll look back on it and find it amusing. Then again… probably not. I did have another guy's jizz on my face. You don't just recover from seeing your son in that kind of position… but anyway. I'm not going to think about it. That shit is a total boner killer.

I quicken my pace and come with a grunt. I pull out slowly before going down on Sasuke. I feel his fingers in my hair. A moment later, his grip tightens and his breath hitches. "I'm… I'm gonna…" he trails off, voice strained as he releases a whiny moan. I close my eyes, swallowing. I hollow out my cheeks and pull away with a _pop_ sound, sitting up straight. "You know…" he says breathlessly, "you're good at that."

"Why the tone of surprise?" I ask in a mutter. To be honest, I did a little research... not that I would ever admit to it aloud.

"Because you're new at this," he says with a tired smile. "Your parents are still gone out, right?"

"Yeah," I confirm. "Why?" But instead of answering me, he grabs his clothing off the floor and leaves the room. I hear his footsteps down the hall and a door creak, which I assume is the bathroom. "Whatever," I murmur to myself, standing up and cleaning off.

When Sasuke returns, he's fully dressed and fresh-faced. "I'm going out to see someone," he says.

"Another fuck?" I ask, hoping I'm wrong.

"No," he shakes his head. "Just a friend."

"Oh," I say. "_We're_ friends, right?"

"I suppose," he relents. "You want more than that, though… don't you?"

"Why do you think that?" I ask.

He looks thoughtful for a moment before speaking. "When someone is inside of you," he starts, "it's like you're connected. It's like mind reading, but a bit different. You can read what this person is thinking and feeling. It's in the way they look at you, the way they touch you… that's how I know. I know what you feel, Naruto, so stop denying it. I know what you're thinking. I know what you want… I just don't understand it."

"Oh," is all I say. I guess I can't keep pretending. That would just be stupid.

"So…?" he urges.

"Yeah, I'm into you," I admit. There's no point in keeping it a secret anymore.

"Why?" he asks, tilting his head to the side and staring at me.

"Because I finally got to know you and I realized that I've been missing out," I say. "I wish I got to know you sooner. Yeah, you act stoic and cold, but you're more than that."

"Hm," he murmurs.

"And do you know what I think?" I ask him and before he can answer, I continue. "I think you feel something for me, too."

"Oh, really now?" he asks, clearly bemused.

"Yeah," I say with confidence. "You cried when I hit you and I know it wasn't just because it stung. I feel like I know you a bit better now. Similar to how you say you can read me… I think there are times when I can read you, too. You admit that it hurt more than any other hit I delivered. That has to mean something, right?"

He lets out a breath, but he doesn't say anything.

"It's fine," I tell him after a moment of silence. "You don't have to give me any reassurance. I'm not looking for that."

"Then what are you looking for?" he asks.

"I just want you to know you have a friend who cares about you," I say. "So, when you feel like shit, come to me. When you want comfort, come to me. When you're angry, come to me. When you're happy, tell me about it."

"Tsk… Naruto," he murmurs, clicking his tongue at me. "You complicate everything… Just get dressed and walk me out."

I shrug, doing as he asks. I put on a pair of sweatpants and we leave my room again. "Remember," I say as we stop by the front door, "we have a game at six. Don't be late or the coach will have a fit."

"It's not even five yet," he tells me. "I won't be long anyway."

I give a solid nod and he slips on his shoes. He gives me a cocky smile before reaching for the door, but I grab his wrist, stopping him.

"Hm?" he asks, staring at me.

I let go of him and he lets his hand fall. "Fucking hell," I mutter aloud, though the sentiment is for my own ears. I'm acting like such a slapdick.

"You wanna kiss me?" he asks knowingly. "Go ahead. Don't be shy. It doesn't suit you."

I cup his face in my hands and lean forward, placing a brief, open-mouthed kiss on his lips before drawing back.

He smiles again, but there's nothing cynical about his look this time. "Bye, then," he says, reaching for the door once more.

* * *

I decide to go to school a little early, since I have nothing better to do. I throw on my jersey and shorts and grab my equipment bag before making my way down. When I arrive in the gym, Kiba and a few of the guys are already there. "Hey," I greet, holding up a hand.

"Yo, what's up?" he asks.

I shake my head. "Nothing."

A pervy grin breaks across his face. He parts from the crowd and tosses an arm around me as we walk into the locker room. "Dude," he starts, "I still can't fucking believe you're fucking Sasuke in the ass."

I let out a weary laugh. "You better not tell anyone. Seriously. That wouldn't be cool of you and I wouldn't forgive you."

"You know I won't," he promises. "But fuck, sometimes I want to. I feel like it'd wipe that smug look off Sasuke's face if everyone knew what he got up to."

Once we're in the locker room, I discard my bag and sit on a bench. "He's not really that smug," I say. "I mean, sure, he can be cocky, but I think most of it is just a façade because he's kind of a mess."

Kiba sits down beside me. "Hell, I kind of pity him."

"Yeah," I mutter, but clearly it's not enough pity to stop him from being such a dick.

We continue talking and when 5:30 rolls around, Sasuke walks into the locker room. "Hey," I greet him and he simply nods. "How was your _meeting_?"

"Fine," he says vaguely. He sets his bag down, digging out his uniform and unceremoniously stripping. "Your father and my father are coming to watch the game, by the way," Sasuke adds once he's dressed.

"Seriously?" I ask. Usually just our moms come.

He nods. "It's an early day at the office, apparently."

"Oh," I say. "Well, that's cool."

Sasuke nods again, but I can tell he probably doesn't give a shit. He sits down next to me and Kiba on the bench and the three of us sit in awkward silence for a few long minutes.

"So," Kiba says. "How's your ass, Sasuke?"

"Perfect," Sasuke bites. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason," Kiba sings.

"No," Sasuke gets up and stands in front of Kiba. "I'm sick of you mocking me! You've been at it all week! Just cut it out!"

Kiba lets out a scoff. "Fuckin' chill, dude. Take a joke."

"No!" Sasuke shouts. "You've been like this since you saw what was on my phone! But even before that, you've always made things difficult for me. What did I ever do to you? Nothing! I don't fucking do anything to you, but you're constantly making fun of me! Why?"

Kiba looks taken aback. "Because… it's… fun…?"

Sasuke lets out a laugh that sounds like a sob. "Well, I don't need any more bullshit, so fuck you!"

Kiba retorts, "That's what you have Naruto for."

Sasuke grits his teeth, shoving him. Kiba lets out a yelp and falls backwards off the bench. Sasuke lets out a sound of frustration, turning to stare at me. "Why are you being so quiet? Whose side are you on?"

"Sasuke…" I murmur his name, not really wanting to choose sides because it wouldn't end well.

"Why couldn't you have at least fucking tried harder to take my phone from him? I didn't want him looking through it! Especially not if he's going to be acting like this!" His voice is shaking now. He's getting himself worked up again.

"Sorry," I mutter awkwardly. Yeah, I guess it's my fault. Kiba has a hard time controlling himself sometimes. He takes Ritalin, but it doesn't really do the trick. He'll keep secrets, but he has a hard time doing it - especially with stuff he finds particularly interesting. It's like he _needs_ to talk about it, so he pulls shit like this.

"C'mon, Sasuke," Kiba says. "Take a fucking joke. It's not the end of the world. Don't be such a bitch about it."

Sasuke shakes his head in disbelief. He lets out a heavy breath, closing his glassy eyes. His face is flushed with poorly supressed anger and I know he's trying to force it back.

"Kiba," I sigh, irritated with my best friend. "Stop being a fucking dick."

"It's not my fault Sasuke is so damn sensitive," he mutters.

"That's the worst argument ever!" Sasuke hisses. "You're just trying to justify your idiocy by saying I'm an overly sensitive person. I'm not, you're just an asshole!" He turns and walks away a minute later. I follow him around the locker room until he stops.

"You okay?" I ask.

No answer.

"Sasuke…?"

Still, no answer.

I let out a sigh, touching his back lightly. He lets out a keening sound and I walk in front of him, pulling him to my chest. "Just ignore Kiba… he has a hard time censoring himself."

Sasuke lets out this quiet gasp-like sobs and I hold him tighter. I rub his back until he quiets down. "Is he right?" he chokes out the question.

"Nah," I say. "You just don't know how to express yourself and you come off a bit cold. But if you let people get close, they'd see the warmer side of you. You've been hurt too many times and that's why you're hesitant. People can be fucking cruel."

"I hate people," Sasuke murmurs lifelessly. "But I hate myself more."

"Come on… don't say stuff like that," I tell him. "Learn to love yourself."

Kiba is standing a few meters away. He looks sheepish and awkward as he listens to me and Sasuke talk. "Sorry, okay?" he murmurs. "I was out of line. I have a hard time using filters, you guys know that."

He's always trying to justify his actions, even when he's so clearly in the wrong. Now is no different.

Upon hearing his voice, Sasuke wriggles out of my hold and turns to face Kiba. "It doesn't matter," he briskly wipes his cheeks try. "You were only saying how you felt."

"I don't hate you," Kiba promises. "I've never hated you. I just… I don't know. People like you piss me off."

"And why's that?" Sasuke asks tersely.

"Because you revel in misery," he says.

Sasuke scoffs. "Do you actually think I enjoy any of this? I don't! I can't help it, okay? I'm fucking manic depressive!"

"Then go to therapy," Kiba says, as if it's the easiest thing in the world to fix.

"I do! I see a fuckin' psychiatrist! And even if I didn't, my life is none of your business," Sasuke grits. "To get so angry over it is immature and stupid of you." He walks away after that. I shrug at Kiba before following Sasuke yet again. He enters the bathroom area and stares at himself in the mirror above one of the sinks. "Fuck, I look gross."

"Nah," I say. "You look fine." He groans and pats his flushed cheeks. He takes a deep breath and then lets it out before leaving the locker rooms. I share a look with Kiba and give him a particularly dull look. "You're a little shit, y'know that," I say. "You really pissed him off. Are you satisfied with yourself?"

He grins and shrugs. "I dunno, dude. It was kinda a turn on."

"You're sick," I tell him, shaking my head in disbelief. Clearly he's not feeling guilty at all.

"I know, I know," he admits. He throws an arm around me and we follow Sasuke onto the field. It's almost time for the game. If we aren't out there soon, the coach will be screaming at us.

* * *

Out on the field, I immediately spot my parents on the bleachers with Sasuke's parents. I grin and wave to them all before approaching my fellow players.

"Okay," the coach starts before going into a spiel about game-play and the like.

Game on, Mizu.


	12. A decision

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.**

* * *

Sasuke mean-mugs me on the field, but it doesn't stop him from (begrudgingly) passing me the ball… However, he does pause mid-game to attack Kiba. He punches him hard, causing him to fall backwards. He then sits on his chest and starts wailing on him like there's no tomorrow. "Ahh!" Kiba shouts, grabbing Sasuke's wrists to prevent him from landing any other hits. "Fuck, someone take him away!"

I, along with everyone else on our team and the opposite team, all stand still in disbelief. I shake it off a moment later and grab Sasuke under the armpits, dragging him off of Kiba. He grits his teeth, refusing to look at me and the coach gives them both a time out.

And all in front of his daddy.

Sasuke and Kiba slump onto the benches, cross armed and pissed off.

* * *

Sasuke and Kiba are allowed back on the field soon enough and naturally, we win. We're the best. Blah, blah. In the locker room, all the guys are talking about the game - lewdly, of course. "We fuckin' raped Mizu," I hear one guy exclaim. I shake my head at that. How crude.

After showering, I throw my sweatpants and t-shirt back on and meet my parents back outside. "You were wonderful," Mom says, pinching my cheek.

"Thanks," I laugh.

"Where's our son?" Fugaku asks sternly.

"He should be out in any minute," I say.

"It's so wonderful you and Sasuke are getting along now," Mikoto smiles. "It's about time you both set aside your differences. I knew it would happen someday… Too bad that's clearly not the case for the Inuzuka boy."

"I know, right?" I say. My mom is currently wearing an extremely forced grin and my father just looks sheepish. I know the three of us are all thinking about… the _thing_ they had the misfortune of seeing.

Just as I said, Sasuke saunters out of the locker room after a minute. He greets everyone with an overly polite smile and our parents continue chatting for a few minutes until finally bidding one another a goodnight.

"I've got my jeep, so I'll be driving home," I tell my parents.

"Okay," Mom says.

"We'll see you in a bit," Dad adds.

I wave them off and then look at Sasuke. "I'll drive you home," I say, nodding for him to follow me.

He looks to Mikoto, who smiles. She looks so fucking happy that we're _getting along_. I wonder if she'd be just as happy if she knew _exactly_ how well we're getting along… probably not. She wants grandchildren more than anything. Itachi won't be giving her any in the foreseeable future and it's only a matter of time before Sasuke comes out of the closet. I hope she won't be disappointed and if she is, I hope to fucking hell she doesn't show it. I doubt she would. She's too kind for that. Fugaku… I wonder how he'll react. I don't really know about their political stance when it comes to being gay. I know my parents don't give a shit about that kind of thing. They just want me to be happy. I wonder if Sasuke's parents feel the same way. I hope they do.

Sasuke silently follows me out of the school, into the parking lot, and to my parked jeep. "So," I start once we're settled inside, "did your client drop you off here?"

"Client?" he repeats in a questioning tone. "I don't have clients. You make me sound like a little hooker or something."

"To be honest," I admit, "I probably wouldn't feel any different if you _were_ a sex worker."

"How flattering," he rolls his eyes.

I just smile, turning the ignition on and leaving the parking lot. "I like you a lot," I tell him. "More than anyone I've ever been into before."

"I don't get it," Sasuke murmurs. "I'm an asshole. I'm a whore. I cry too much. I need constant reassurance."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, you're an asshole, but you're not so bad. And don't say you're a whore like it's a bad thing, dude. You like to fuck. So what, right? And yeah, you cry a lot… but again, so what? Hell, I cry a lot, too. It feels good. Bottling things up is the worst thing a person can do, so it's better to just let it all out when you feel it. And as for the reassurance thing… I'm like that too at times. It's okay."

He lets out a short laugh. "You're something else, _Uzumaki_."

"Right back at you, _Uchiha_," I reply without missing a beat. "So, gonna get scolded when you get home?"

"Probably," he murmurs, "but they're used to the fighting. It just... used to be me and you."

"I suppose so," I say.

I drop Sasuke home and we kiss briefly before he leaves. I watch him until he's inside, then I pull out of his driveway and continue down the street to my own house.

"I'm home!" I shout upon arrival.

"Welcome back!" my parents shout back in unison.

I kick off my sneakers and follow their voices into the kitchen. "I think I'm going to do a bit of homework and head to sleep early," I tell them.

"Okay," Mom says, reaching forward and lightly pinching my cheek. "Sleep well."

I retreat to my room after bidding them a goodnight and get ready for bed. I don't know why, but I'm really fucking tired lately. I sit at my desk and do a bit of homework - albeit lazily - before going to sleep.

* * *

Come morning, I wake up with the sun shining through my window. I must've forgotten to close the curtains before falling asleep. I get out of bed, squinting as I shut them. "There," I murmur to myself, lying back down. I still feel too lazy to do anything just yet.

I close my eyes, just thinking about random things. I'm not sure how long I'm just lying here like this, but my mom eventually walks in.

"Wakey, wakey," she sings, opening the curtains I just closed.

I let out a groan, but don't budge an inch. She approaches my bedside and rips the blankets away, forcing me to greet the cool air. "Mom… no," I whine.

"Naruto, yes," she retort. "Up, up, up."

She leaves after that and I force myself to get out of bed. "Hmph," I sulk on my way to the bathroom. I take a shower to wake myself up, then I get dressed – sweatpants and a t-shirt. Nothing fancy on the weekends… or _ever_. My style is pretty lacking, but I don't care. I'm definitely no Uchiha, but speaking of… I shoot Sasuke a text, asking him if he wants to do anything. Moments later, he responds and invites me over.

I run downstairs and eat a quick breakfast before telling my mom I'm going to Sasuke's. She nods and in a high-pitched, timid voice she asks, "Are you… are you and him… still… _special_ friends?"

"Yeah," I admit.

"Oh," she forces a smile. "Okay. Play safe."

Play… safe…?

After an awkward silence, I say, "Yeah…" and promptly leave the kitchen. I slip my sneakers on and make my way down the street.

When I reach his doorstep, I ring the doorbell once and he answers a moment later, allowing me inside. "What's going on?" I ask him.

"Nothing," he says carelessly, shutting the door behind me.

"What do you wanna do?"

He shrugs.

"Are your parents home?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "Just Itachi. He's upstairs, though. Dad is at work and I think my mom is shopping…"

"Oh," I say. "Has he been okay?"

"Yeah."

I follow Sasuke into the living room, where he proceeds to unbutton my jeans. "Dude," I start. "What are you doing?"

"Shut up, Naruto," he says with an irritated sigh. "What do you _think_ I'm doing?"

"Do you like to make me look stupid?" I ask in a murmur. Nonetheless, my boner comes to life.

He smirks. "You do that all on your own." He reaches a hand into my pants and wraps nimble fingers around my dick. "Ah…" he adds. "See? Hard already. I knew this was why wanted to see me."

"That isn't why," I say, but even if I argue with him I know I won't win.

He doesn't respond. Instead, he gets on his knees and pulls my pants down mid-thigh. I feel his mouth and it feels nice. He's good at this. He's probably done it enough times.

* * *

We end up fucking on his living room sofa. I'm hovering over him and his nails are digging into the skin on my shoulders, but I don't say anything. I watch his face like I always do. He's really fucking pretty. For some reason, I feel like I can appreciate it more now because I appreciate _him_ more now – all the things about him. It's not just the way he looks. It's all the things.

I come first and then I get him off. He stares at me the entire time with a half-lidded, wanton expression. I want to be the only person he looks at like this, but I know it's a stupid thing to wish. Sasuke will never belong to just one person.

Afterwards, we both get dressed and Sasuke turns to me. "What now?"

"Whatever you want," I tell him.

"Of course," he says, sitting on the arm of the sofa. "It's always about what I want. Me, me, me."

"You're being cynical," I assume, though sometimes I can't tell.

He simply shrugs in response and suddenly Itachi enters the room looking like he's on a mission. Sasuke looks stricken. "Naruto, get out," he whispers numbly, standing up and taking a step back.

"What? Why?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Just do it," he demands, sounding shrill. But it's too late and Sasuke is on the floor with Itachi hovering over him. His hands are wrapped around his little brother's throat, digging dangerously. "Nng…" Sasuke whimpers.

"Wait, stop!" I shout.

"I am…" Itachi murmurs. "I am stopping… I'm stopping it."

I can feel my heartbeat throughout every inch of my body. I move towards him, wishing I could gather up the strength to be less hesitant. Sasuke's life is on the line! I should be jumping into action, but I understand that, with once false move on my behalf, Sasuke could be dead.

"Don't come any closer," Itachi warns me.

"Look," I try to reason, but the attempt is weak, "you're killing him…"

"I know," is all he says.

"Please, don't…" my voice cracks. Sasuke's fingers are wrapped around Itachi's, trying to weaken his grip, but to no avail. A moment later, his hands fall and his eyes close.

Deep in the pit of my stomach, I feel something bubbling. I feel that distantly familiar anger, the kind that can't be controlled once it's out. I try to swallow it, but it's too hard. I see red.

I grab the first item I see – a vase – and break it over Itachi's head. He lets go of Sasuke and falls onto his side. Now I'm standing above two unconscious Uchihas. At least they're both pacified now. I lean over Sasuke and press my ear to his chest. He's breathing. He'll be fine. He'll be fine.

I let out a sigh and I call 911.

Sasuke's eyes flutter open before the ambulance arrives. I help him sit up and he immediately touches his throat, letting out a sigh. "The marks were gone," he says. "Now I'll have new ones…"

"I'm sorry… I should've done something," I murmur.

He shrugs. "You should have just left."

"Then you'd be dead," I say.

"Good," Sasuke mutters angrily. "Then I won't have to keep waiting for it to happen."

"Don't say shit like that…" I frown.

Before he can answer, the ambulance arrives. They ask questions and put Itachi on a stretcher. They give Sasuke a quick check up too, but deem him fine. We ride in the ambulance and Sasuke looks less than thrilled about it. "I better call everyone," he says with a sigh. "Mom, dad, Kisame… they'll all want to know."

"I can make the calls," I offer. "Once we get there, you can wait in the waiting room and I'll go outside and make the calls."

Sasuke nods lightly. "Okay."

* * *

Turns out, I hit Itachi pretty bad and he got a shard of glass stuck in his forehead. Deep enough to need stitches, but no worse than that. He's out cold, but he'll be waking up soon. Fuck, I could've killed him…

Just as I promised Sasuke, I called everyone. Fugaku is at work. He said he'd try to leave as soon as he can, but I doubt he'll be able to. Just like my dad, he's a busy guy. Mikoto and Kisame arrive at the same time. She looks panicked. Kisame looks cold and uncaring as ever.

"What happened?" Mikoto demands once she enters the waiting room.

"Itachi tried to kill me again," Sasuke murmurs tersely. "_Why_ did you bring him home? This is going to keep happening! Do you _want_ me to fucking die? You're a nurse! You should know this isn't going to work, Mom!"

She lets out a sob, but doesn't cry. She just looks miserable and distressed. Poor Mikoto. It's her day off and she's back at the hospital. "I'm sorry, you're right," she whispers. "I thought... I thought things would be different."

"Naruto knocked him out and saved me," he adds offhandedly.

Mikoto looks surprised. "Really?" she asks softly, glancing at me.

"Yeah, sorry…" I murmur.

"Don't be sorry, idiot," Sasuke says. "It's just like you said, if you weren't there, I'd be dead. Right?"

"Yeah," I relent.

Mikoto wraps her arms around me and whispers, "Thank you."

I hesitantly wrap my arms around her. I don't say anything. I don't really know what to say. Once we part, she hugs Sasuke for a long time. "My poor baby," she murmurs, squeezing him tight.

"I'm fine, Mom," he promises her, though it's hardly the truth. "Sorry for yelling."

She lets out a sigh, going to find a doctor. Me and Sasuke stand in silence until she returns. She looks relieved, so it must be good news. "Itachi is awake," she says.

"I don't want to see him," Sasuke admits. "I'm going home."

Mikoto frowns, and then glances at me. For some reason, I can read her mind. "Yeah," I say, "I'll walk him back."

Sasuke rolls his eyes at the both of us and the two of us leave together.

"You need to remove some of the shit from your life," I tell him. "You have too much of it."

"Yeah?" he asks.

"Yeah," I say.

He shrugs. "Will you help me?"

"Of course," I promise. "I said I would, didn't I? Just say the word."

He shrugs again.

"When do you wanna do it, then?" I urge. I want him to do it as soon as possible, but I also think it has to be something he does on his own terms. I can't force it. So, I add, "When will _you_ be ready?"

"I don't know," he admits. "Tomorrow…?"

"It's up to you," I tell him.

He lets out an irritated sigh. "Fine, we can try tomorrow."


	13. The consequence

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.**

**I just bought the Megahouse GEM Naruto figure. It was a bit pricey but it'll be worth it. I'm really excited omg.**

**On another note, I'm pleasantly overwhelmed with all your incredibly sweet reviews! They definitely keep me motivated :) thank you! And an extra shout out to all my guest reviewers and those who continuously review!**

* * *

By the time tomorrow rolls around, Sasuke informs me that he no longer feels like doing what we planned to do. I'm disappointed, but I don't show it. I want him to realize that he deserves better than a nasty, old perv.

We're sitting in my room. He's not really paying attention to me. "Are you mad?" he asks offhandedly, staring out the window and far away from me.

"No," I tell him.

He sighs. "Yes, you are."

"I want you to do what's best for you," I say.

"Sure," he mutters. "I do hate him on most days… but sometimes I feel like I need him."

"Go break it off with that asshole," I growl. "You deserve better. He looks like fuckin' Voldemort but with hair!"

Suddenly, he stands up, letting out an impatient sigh. "Fine," he gives me a pointed look. "Let's go."

"Just like that?" I ask. I've been trying to coax out a legitimate reason for most of the day. He's probably sick of it by now.

"Just like that," he nods. "I don't want you being all whiny about this, so let's just get it over with."

"Only if you want to, Sasuke…" I say. "If we don't do this on your terms, you won't stick to it."

"I want to," he insists. "Come on."

"Fine," I relent. I stand up and we put our shoes on, leaving the house and getting in my car. "You're gonna have to give me directions."

He nods. The ride is silent other than Sasuke telling me where and when to turn. Soon enough, we're parked in front of a perfectly average looking house on the opposite side of town. It's just like every other house on the cul-de-sac.

"Is this it?" I ask.

He nods yet again.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah," he says weakly.

"That didn't sound too convincing," I comment. "Want me to come in with you?"

He gives me a dry stare before turning away and reaching for the door handle. "Be right back," he says.

"And if you're not?" I ask.

"Give me twenty minutes," he tells me.

"Ten," I negotiate.

"Fifteen," he retorts, leaving the car. Before I can answer, he's gone and I'm forced to accept the wait.

I turn the radio on, listening to some stupid pop playlist. I try to get into it, but I can't. Obviously. My head is full of what ifs. I wish Sasuke would have let me go in with him. Then I could have made sure he came out all right. I don't know how this will go and I know he's not going to talk about it afterward. He'll just give me more vague answers.

I keep looking at the clock and when fifteen minutes passes, I hesitate. Just when I'm about to get out of my car and go in there, the door opens and Sasuke appears. He looks stony-eyed as he exits the building. Once he's back in the passenger seat, I immediately ask him if he's okay.

"Mhm," he says in a somewhat high-pitched voice, causing me to think he's probably lying.

"You took a while," I mention. "I was about to go in after you."

"It's fine," he tells me, terse and tight jawed.

"Sasuke…?"

He relaxes visible and forces a small smile at me before looking away and staring out the window. "Let's _go_, Naruto."

"Did he… try anything?" I ask slowly.

"No! Just drive, for fuck's sake," Sasuke says, suddenly sounding very weary and tired. "It's done."

Just like the ride here, the ride back is also silent. Without another word, I drop Sasuke off at home and without another glance, he leaves.

* * *

The next week rolls around and goes by just as slow as every other week. I don't see much of Sasuke. I don't think he's not avoiding me or anything, he's just a little more absent. At least, I hope that's all it is. When I bring it up, he says he's doing family therapy with Itachi and his parents. I tell him that's great. Kisame has also been keeping an eye on Itachi – babysitting him if you will, but with his job it can only go so far. Nonetheless, I think Sasuke finds it relieving to have a stronger presence in the house, someone who can stop Itachi if he snaps. I told Sasuke he could stay at my place, but he refused. I didn't ask again. He knows he's welcome.

Itachi got his prescription upped and Mikoto refused to even consider locking him away again - though the doctors suggested it. He's been like a zombie now. I think the entire situation is really fucking sad and I feel bad for that entire family. I don't think Mikoto understands that there's nothing she can do to help him. I hope something good happens because fuck knows they all deserve a reason to smile.

When class ends on Friday, I go home. My parents are gone away for the weekend since my dad is using some of his vacation days, so I have the house to myself. Cup ramen for days because hell knows I ain't no cook.

After suppertime, there's a knock on my door. When I open it, I spot Sasuke standing there. He smiles when he sees me. I can see that it's forced, but nonetheless, I smile back and allow him in.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Nothing," he says. "I just wanted to come over."

That's cute. "What do you feel like doing, then?"

He shrugs. "Something quiet."

So, we go up to my room and sit on my bed. I get my laptop and look through my torrents until I find a movie Sasuke won't completely despise. As I choose one, Sasuke leaves my room and goes into the bathroom.

"I'm going to take a shower first," he says once he gets back. "I need one… Can I borrow something of yours? My clothes are dirty."

There's something in his tone that I can't quite place, but I don't pry – not yet… but he sounds a little hollow if that makes any sense. "Sure," I murmur, moving to my closet. I grab a plain, black t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, handing them over.

"Thanks," he says before leaving the room.

When he gets out, he's fully dressed in the clothes I just gave him. I like seeing him wearing my things. "Feel better?" I ask and he nods once, joining me in bed. He doesn't even ask what we're watching. He leans against me, resting his head against my shoulder. There's something off about him today. I can't quite place it, but it's unsettling. I want to ask. I want to pry, but I know he'd just brush me off. Sasuke won't talk if he's not in the mood to. He doesn't look like he's paying attention to the movie, and towards the end he begins sniffling. I could tell he's been suppressing himself, I just don't know why.

"Are you okay?" I ask him, closing my laptop and setting it aside.

"It hurts…" he murmurs, sitting up. There are tears in his eyes and I don't understand why.

"What hurts?" I gently pry.

He brings a hand up and covers his mouth, stifling a sob. He closes his eyes and forces himself to calm down. He takes a deep breath and when he opens his eyes he flatly states, "No, nothing… I'm fine now."

I feel my eyebrows draw together in confusion. "Are you?"

He says, "Yes."

"You should take a nap," I add. He looks so tired. "You can use the guest room if you want."

He nods once more, turning around and leaving the room. I stand up and follow him in, watching as he slowly lies down. His movements are so groggy and cautious – like he has no energy.

"What's up with you?" I ask.

"Nothing," he says in that same, dull tone. He pulls the duvet over his face so all I can see is a head of dark hair on the pillow. "I'm just tired."

"Really?"

"Really, Naruto," he insists. "But you can do me a favor if you're so keen."

"Sure," I say. "What is it?"

"Take my phone and delete all the photos on it," he requests. "It's in your room. Since it's over, there's no point in keeping them."

I feel relieved. "Sure."

Without another word, I turn around and walk back down the hallway into my own room. I find his cellphone on my nightstand and I pick it up, typing in his familiar password and opening the photo folder. I look at each photo as I delete them, wanting nothing more than to erase all his shitty memories along with it. But they won't go away just because the evidence is gone.

* * *

When it begins to darken outside, I go check on Sasuke. The room is pitch black. "Sasuke?" I call softly.

"Naruto…?" I hear his voice respond. I turn the light on and he squints. He's sitting up, shielding his eyes. "Turn it off."

"Sorry," I mutter, flicking the light switch.

"Come here…" he requests.

"Hm?" I muse, following his voice and sitting on them mattress next to him. A moment later, I feel his hand slip beneath my shirt. I feel his lips on my neck, my jaw, my mouth.

But there's something different about the way he's touching me.

"Can I…?" he asks vaguely.

"Yeah," I say. I don't know what he wants, but whatever it is, I'll give it to him. I don't mind.

I feel the bed indent as he shifts and pushes me down flat. A moment later, he reaches for the rim of my pants and shorts. I lift my hips and he removes them both. I feel his hands in places they haven't been before and then a slick substance on my backside. There's something desperate about the way he's touching me. It's like he needs this.

"Sasuke…" I say his name. "What happened?"

I hear him sniffle and let out a shaky breath. "Shh…"

I feel him ease his way inside of me. It hurts a bit and it feels like my insides are being stretched too far, but I force myself to relax. He moves slowly at first, gradually moving faster. I think he's angry. I think he's using me to let out his anger.

I hear him let out a quiet breath and I feel something drip onto my stomach. I think he's crying. I'll keep pretending he's not. He'd only spite me if I mentioned it. I close my eyes, rubbing my dick before curling my fingers around it.

Sasuke's movements get more aggressive, but it's okay. I don't mind. I'll keep giving him what he wants, what he needs. I get myself off first and he continues fucking me. Soon, he comes inside and I feel it. It feels kind of wet and gross. He starts sobbing afterward and I still don't understand why. He collapses on top of me, crying into the crook of my neck.

"I'm sorry," he sobs. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

I wrap my arms around him. "It's okay…"

"Hate me," he cries.

"No," I say.

"Hit me!" he screams, digging his nails into my skin.

"No," I say again.

He lets out another string of sobs, demanding, "Why…?"

"Because I like you," I tell him, but maybe it's more than that. I'm beginning to think it is.

* * *

A little while later, I get up and throw my pajama pants back on before leaving the room. I go to take a piss and clean the semen out of my butt when I find the clothing Sasuke was wearing in the garbage. I raise an eyebrow, picking them up and looking at them. This is when I notice the blood. It's not a lot and it's nowhere noticeable, but suddenly everything pieces together in my mind. I feel sick to my stomach when I realize where the blood must have come from.

I leave the room with his clothing in hand, moving back into the guest room he's still lying in. I turn the lights on and stare at him. "Sasuke…" I say his name shakily. "What the fuck is this?"

When he notices what's in my hand, his expression grows panicked, as if he's trying hard to come up with an excuse.

"Please, tell me this isn't what I think it is," I whisper.

Still bare, he draws his knees to his chest, burying his face. "Throw them away!" he pleads desperately.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask weakly.

He sniffs loudly, not raising his head. His hands wrap around his legs, fingers digging into his shins. He feels trapped.

I leave the doorway, throwing the clothes back in the garbage. In the guestroom, Sasuke hasn't budged an inch. He still looks small. I sit down next to him, wrapping an arm around him and he immediately sinks into me. He sounds like he's choking on his breath. For a moment, I think he might be having a panic attack, but he's not. He's just trying damn hard not to cry.

I hold him tightly, trying to soak up his agony… but it doesn't work like that. At times like this, I really wish it did. He doesn't deserve to be feeling all this pain. He doesn't deserve to keep getting hurt by other people and by himself. He doesn't deserve any of it and I'm beginning to realize something. It's something I can't keep denying. It's scary and it's new, but I think I might love him.


	14. A series of unfortunate events

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.**

**If you personally don't like what's happening in the story, you really don't need to bother letting me know~ I'm writing this for me, after all. **

* * *

Two days. It's been two days since anyone has seen Sasuke. He just kind of… disappeared. The cops have been notified. I'm scared he might've ran off with another bad crowd. I'm really worried he'll go off the deep end, especially after what just happened. I don't want bad things to keep coming his way. He doesn't deserve any of it. He's had it so fucking hard.

Since we hit the two day mark, the cops are finally jumping into action. It pisses me off that 48 hours have to go by. Who the hell knows what Sasuke has been going through while we just sat around and did nothing? Besides, everyone knows the first hours are the most crucial, for fuck's sake.

I'm at the police station now. Suigetsu and Juugo went to talk to the cops before me, but it's my turn now. I tell them someone abused Sasuke, but I don't say the other word. Maybe that's stupid of me. I just pretend I don't know the extent of the abuse. I do, however, give them the name of our old bio teacher – Orochimaru. One sick, sick bastard. It must've been him, right?

The day seems to go by slow. Mikoto and Fugaku talk with the cops again once I'm finished and then they drive me home. In the car, I begin to panic because they're both so distraught and I know so much more than I'm letting on. Mikoto senses this. She turns around and stares at me where I sit in the back seat. "Naruto, what is it?" she asks. "If you know something… Please."

I get scared. I feel something in the pit of my stomach. At first, I think I might puke, but no. It's not that kind of vomit – it's _word_ vomit. This time, I say the r-word. "Someone raped him!" I shout at her, choking out the sentence.

"What?" she asks, her voice quiet as a mouse. She looks wholeheartedly taken aback, like she doesn't want to believe what I just said.

I'm practically in tears. "Don't make me say it again," I croak. "I don't want to say it again…"

Fugaku pulls to the side of the road, undoing his seatbelt and turning around. "How do you know?" he asks calmly.

"He came over," I start quietly. "I knew something was wrong. He seemed different. I know his moods change a lot, but it wasn't that. It was something else. I couldn't really put my finger on it. He started to cry, but he calmed down fast. He asked to use my shower. I let him and I gave him clean clothes. He said his were dirty, though they didn't look it. After, I let him use the guest room. He looked tired…" I pause, letting out a shaky breath. "Later on, I was in the bathroom and I saw Sasuke's clothes in the trash. I picked them up because I didn't know why they were thrown out, but then I saw blood… just a little bit in the back." I end up telling Mikoto everything except for the fact that I've been fucking her son.

She is crying silently. She looks so fucking upset I want to apologize, but I know it wouldn't do a damn thing. "Who…" she pauses, sniffling. "Who did it? Who hurt him?"

"I don't know for sure," I admit, closing my eyes. "He was having… _relations_… with someone a lot older, but he just broke it off. A teacher."

"No…" she moans miserably, crying even harder. She buries her face in her hands, facing away from me. "No… no, no, no…"

Fugaku lets out an angry sigh, looking disgusted – not at his son, but at the possibility of something so vile happening to him.

I keep wondering if Sasuke is being forced to relive it right now. I don't want to let the thought cross my mind, but it keeps happening.

* * *

The days continue to pass. It has now been nearly a week since Sasuke disappeared. At school, everybody is still talking about him. The girls are worried and talking about forming search parties. The whole thing is making me bitter. I've tried hard in those two days. I've looked everywhere I could think of. I even tried going to that sick pervert's house. I tried three times, but there was never an answer. I should've known. The cops probably checked there first. If Sasuke is with him, I hope the cops find him quick.

Kiba isn't acting like himself. He's calmer, quieter. I think he's doing it for my sake because he knows I'm not in the mood for jokes. I won't be in the mood for much of anything until Sasuke is found alive and okay.

Sakura keeps asking questions and I'm growing impatient with her. I keep snapping. I don't want to talk about Sasuke, but he seems to be the only thing she wants to talk about. She wants to find him as much as everyone else, but there isn't a damn thing she can do so I wish she'd just stop nagging me for information. I'm not going to tell her a damn fucking thing.

* * *

Ah home, my parents are being cautious. It's like they're afraid I'll explode into a volatile mess and melt into the floor. I can almost feel it – that familiar anger in the pit of my stomach. It's been boiling there since Sasuke disappeared. I swear, one more stupid comment and hell will break loose. I think my parents understand this, because my mom softly says, "Naruto, honey… Why don't you stay home for the next couple days?"

"Okay," I murmur.

I don't want to hurt people. Really, I don't… but I don't know if I'll be able to control myself if my anger gets the best of me. It hasn't happened in a long time, but it still happens. It starts like a panic attack, but it doesn't finish like one. I'll feel like I can't breathe. I'll choke. I'll gasp. Then I'll black out. I've hurt people because of it. I don't want it to happen again.

* * *

On Friday, I sleep in late and wake up to the phone ringing. I don't bother answering it and a moment later, it stops. My mom must've got it. I hear her coming up the stairs and then my door creaks open.

"Naruto, they found Sasuke," she tells me, relief evident in her face.

I jump out of bed, suddenly feeling wide awake. "Is he okay?" I ask. "Where was he?"

"They found him last night," she says. "He's home now. You should go see him."

I rub my hands across my face, nodding. "Yeah… yeah, I should."

I don't bother getting changed out of my pajamas or showering. I go downstairs, slip my shoes on, and walk down the street. When I arrive at the Uchiha house, I walk right in. "Hello?" I call.

Mikoto appears from behind the corner a moment later. "Oh, Naruto," she says softly. "How are you?"

"Fine, "I say quickly and carelessly. "Where's Sasuke?"

"In his room," she informs with a look of concern. "We… we got him tested. He needed medical attention. He wasn't himself… but still…" She pauses, shaking her head. She lets out a quiet sigh, wiping her wet eyes. "He needed stitches. He was hurt so badly… but he wanted to come home."

Tested…?

"I'm sorry," I say softly, because there's nothing in the world I _can_ say. Fuck, I hate seeing people cry.

She just shakes her head, letting out a breath. "He's upstairs… Go see him. Perhaps you'll be able to get him to say more than one word."

I nod my head lightly before turning and going up the stairs. By the time I reach the top, Sasuke is standing in his doorway expectantly.

He is black and blue all over. He's wearing a tank and a pair of cotton capri pants, looking wholeheartedly careless about the fact that his wounds are visible. They are all over his arms and his face. He has a black eye and bruised cheekbone. There are hickies on his neck – none from me. His bangs are pinned atop his head and out of the way, revealing a stitched up cut on his forehead. "Naruto," he greets me with crossed arms. "What's that look for?"

"Where…" I croak, clearing my throat. "Where were you?"

"Out," he says.

"Out," I repeat him in a murmur. "Out where? You were gone for more than a week…"

He lets out a long sigh. "I spoke to the police about this already. I don't want to talk about it again."

"Fine," I say. I move forward only to have him back away.

"Don't fucking _touch_ me," he whispers harshly, holding a hand up in an attempt to keep me at bay.

"Why?" I ask weakly, somewhat taken aback at the demand.

He lets out a bitter laugh and I can tell the sound is mixed with humiliation. "I have chlamydia."

My eyes widen at that. "What?" I croak.

"Might wanna get tested," he murmurs. "I don't know when I got it or who from."

My throat tightens with revulsion, but I force myself to calm down. "That's okay… I'll get tested later on. It can be cured, right?"

"Yeah," he whispers. "In a week or two it'll clear."

"I was worried about you…" I tell him sincerely. "This… this doesn't change anything. Even if I have it, too, I won't be mad."

"Oh, how nice," he replies sarcastically. "Do you realize how fucking thirsty you sound right now? You missed my ass. Thanks ever so much."

"I missed _you_," I retort tersely. "You! So don't give me that bullshit. You know I'm not using you. I'm not! I fucking care about you! If I didn't care, do you honestly think I would be here?"

He remains tight jawed. His eyes are glassy and his nose is red. He looks like he'll start crying any second. "_Idiot_, Naruto. You're an _idiot_."

"And you're a fucking mess," I reply, letting out a breath. "Fuck… I really thought you might've been dead in a ditch somewhere."

"No," he says, flicking the light off so the room is dim. "I'm fine."

"What the fuck happened?" I ask. "Please…"

He steps back into his room, nodding for me to follow him. Silently, I do and the two of us settle on his bed. "I don't want to talk about it," he says. "It feels like a dream. There are parts I don't even remember."

"Shit," I murmur.

He lies down and I do the same. "I'm sorry," he suddenly says, staring up at the ceiling while I stare at him.

"What for?" I ask.

"What I did last time we were together," he explains. "It wasn't right of me."

"You didn't do anything wrong," I assure him. "You asked, remember? If you were doing something I didn't want, I would've stopped you."

"Would you have?" he wonders and I can tell he doesn't quite believe me. Maybe he's right. Maybe I will keep letting him take and take and take. Nonetheless, I don't respond. "I've never been on top before," he adds after a brief silence. "You were the first."

"Really?" I ask, pleased to find out.

"Mhm…" he pauses. "Did it hurt? I remember my first time hurt a lot."

"It hurt for a minute," I admit, "but it wasn't that bad." I probably wouldn't've been into it if it were any other person, but it's okay that it was Sasuke.

"Good," he murmurs.

"So… what happened?" I ask slowly. I feel like I need to know. I need to know that he's okay… but I guess that's fucking stupid because he's not.

"Don't worry about it, Naruto," he says. "It happens sometimes. I run off with strangers."

"Were you having an episode?" I pry.

He shrugs the question off. "I was… really, really high," he admits after a moment of silence. "I mean… my mood, but I was also pretty drugged up."

"On what?" I ask.

"Cocaine, maybe…" he considers slowly.

"What about your prescription?" I frown. "Won't taking those drugs fuck with the drugs you're _actually_ supposed to be taking?"

He nods. "Apparently… it can bring about _psychotic symptoms_… hence why I went a little crazy. Happens sometimes."

"Oh… uh," I clear my throat. "Who hurt you?"

"A bunch of people." His tone is careless. "I didn't catch any of their names." I let out a sharp sigh, wishing he'd stop giving me half-assed answers. I think he senses this because he rolls onto his side and stares at me with a look of amusement. "Am I pissing you off?" he asks.

"I want to understand," I tell him, "but you won't let me."

"There are things best left unsaid," he murmurs.

"I don't believe that," I say. "Your mom is so fucking upset, you know. I've never seen her like that in my life."

"Yes, I know," he replies. "You told her things you shouldn't have told her and now I am finding it hard to even look at her. They made me get the STI test… but I guess it's a good thing. I found out before things got too disgusting."

"How do you know what I told her?" I ask.

"She brought it up," he says. "I laughed it off and left the room. I think that upset her even more."

"Can you tell me what you do remember?" I practically plead and then it's silent again. Sasuke doesn't speak and neither do I. I don't want to change the subject and give him an out. I want him to talk because I know and he knows that bottling things up doesn't work. It always makes things worse.

Eventually, Sasuke lets out a breath. "I went for a walk. I knew what I was doing. I knew that by going to certain places, I was bound to find that sick pervert eventually. I knew I should have stopped myself and went home, or went to you… but I didn't care. I wanted something more than what you could have offered. I wanted to hurt. I felt like I deserved to hurt. When he found me he laughed and I could smell alcohol on his breath. He put an arm around me and I felt his fingers digging into me… into my skin. It hurt. I welcomed it at first. He never did that before and I knew he was angry… but suddenly, I didn't want to be there with him, but I was too scared to try and run away. For a while, we walked around the downtown area. He had a firm hold on me and he said he knew I'd be back. He said other things, but I forget. I wasn't really paying attention. It was getting dark. When the sun was completely gone, we were at a park. It was empty. I knew what was coming. I guess I thought I deserved it for being so fucking stupid, so I let it happen. When it was over, he helped me collect myself and then he left. He said it was a _lesson_."

"That's so fucking sick," I croak. "Please don't tell me you still think you deserved it. You didn't. He's fucking brainwashing you."

"I _know_," Sasuke says impatiently. "I know I didn't deserve that. No one does."

I nod lightly. "You came to me after that, right?"

"Yeah," he says quietly. "I wanted to be close to something familiar… something comfortable… So, I went to you. I regretted what I did. I felt bad about it. When I left your house, I went to a bar. A really shitty one where they don't ask for ID. A burly looking man bought me a drink. I left with him. He had friends. They all were doing drugs and then they offered me some. I'm not stupid. I knew what they gave me was different than what they took, but I still took it. I knew they were bad and just like before, I wanted to hurt."

"Shit," I mutter.

Sasuke gives me a tired, miserable smile. "So, I let them all take turns. I was pretty upset and delirious, so I was saying things like _harder_ and _hit me_. Of course, they complied. Everyone likes a little violence and when it's welcomed it makes it so much easier…"

"Fuck," I mumble, feeling sick to my stomach. I wonder what his _kill count_ is now…

Sasuke lets out a hoarse laugh. "Yeah, fuck…" he repeats.

"How did you get found?" I ask.

"A few of them rented a motel room. I was with them. There were noise complaints. Two cops came and one of them recognized me as a missing kid. They all ran off, but I was too drugged up. I got taken to a hospital since I'm not yet eighteen and I was in rough shape. I was naked. The cops were nice, though. One of them... he gave me his coat. I think they thought I was kidnapped or something… but they didn't do anything to me that I didn't allow and that's what I said to the cops."

I let out a sigh. "So, basically… what you're telling me is that all these cuts and bruises are the after-math of something you _asked_ to happen?"

"Yes," he says airily, "that's exactly it. The end."

"Why?" I ask.

"Because I wanted to hurt," he says yet again.

"Why?" I ask again.

Silence.

"Why?" I shout it this time.

More silence.

"You didn't hurt me, you know," I tell him. "If that's why you're mad at yourself and if that's why you're letting yourself get hurt, then forget about it because I'm fine."

"Promise?" he asks somewhat lightly.

"Yeah," I say. I don't know if he's being cynical.

"You're too nice," he murmurs. "It's gross."

"Yeah, whatever," I say dismissively. "You should go sit with your mom. She's really fucking worried about you."

"You probably made it worse by telling her what happened," he sighs.

"She's your mom… she deserves to know." Sasuke scoffs in response and I sit up, offering him my hand. "Come on," I say.

He lets out a sound of irritation before sitting up and taking my hand. Together, we leave the room and go downstairs. We find Mikoto in the living room with her head in her hands. She's not crying, but she looks exhausted.

"Mom…?" Sasuke says.

She looks up, standing when she sees us. "Boys…"

Without another word, Sasuke walks towards her and wraps his arms around her. She looks immensely relieved. She locks her arms around his back, looking like she has things to say but is too afraid to.

Poor Sasuke. His life is so messy. I don't know how he'll ever clean it up.

Mikoto mouths a _thank you_ at me over Sasuke's shoulders. I don't know why she's thanking me, but nonetheless I smile at her, nodding. I leave the room afterward and decide to go home.

* * *

On Monday, Sasuke is back in school. He's wearing a turtleneck to hide the bruises. I drive him there and everyone is nagging, asking questions about where he was and how he got the bruises and cuts on his face. He brushes every question off, ignoring every curious stare he gets. Juugo and Suigetsu do damage control and when Karin pries, Suigetsu tells her he fell down a fight of concrete stairs and was in a coma for a few days.

That becomes the story, much to Sasuke's dismay. Though, I think a lot of people don't quite believe it.

"How uncool," he says to me after classes. "But I guess it's better than people knowing I got fucked in the ass and then fucked you in the ass and then went crazy for a few days."

"Come on," I murmur. "You make it sound like it's something you brought on yourself. It wasn't."

"Whatever," he says.

We get into my car and I drive him home. The ride is silent. I don't mind.

I want to kill the pervert who did it. I feel like I could do it. I never thought I'd find the motive for murder, but I have it now. I mean it. I think I could really kill that man.


	15. Let's pause

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.**

* * *

Things are slowly getting back to normal. I don't have chlamydia. So, that's good at least. Sasuke's was as relieved as I was to find that out. Speaking of – his infection cleared up. He has been acting… strangely okay. I don't know whether or not it's a good thing he's recovered from something so awful so quickly… but he keeps insisting that he's fine. His bruises have healed and his stitches have been removed.

I'm surprised how good he is at hiding things. At the start of the year, I never would have guessed he had so much happening in his life. He was good at putting on a mask. I feel like he's gotten less good at it, but maybe I just got to know him better. Nonetheless, I know I wouldn't last a day in his head. I'd snap. He keeps things inside. I have a feeling there are still so many things he hasn't yet told me.

It's Friday now. During lunch break, we go to the cafeteria. I get a veggie burger and Sasuke bites into an apple. "That all you're going to eat?" I ask him.

He nods. "Not feeling particularly hungry."

Once we find a table together, I decide to pry, "What about the thing with the bio teacher?"

Sasuke simply shrugs, keeping silent.

"I gave the cops his name…" I mention, trying to get some sort of response out of him.

"I know," he says. "They told me, but it appears he's fled. They asked questions, but I stayed silent. I didn't want to talk about that. Besides, they can't do anything to him without me testifying. I don't really feel like doing that. Like hell I'm going to get up in front of a group of people and talk about what he did to me and all the things I went along with. I won't be answering any humiliating questions from jurors who don't give a shit about me. I'd probably be forced to talk about my salacious reputation and they'd come up with the conclusion that it was inevitable – bound to happen. I was asking for it."

"I guess so," I murmur. I didn't think he'd go for it, but I wish he would. Then it would be over. Well, part of it would be over. He'd have one less thing to worry about. "But you weren't… you weren't asking for it."

"I know," Sasuke mutters.

Kiba joins us a moment later. "Is this the cool table now?" he asks jokingly, setting his lunch trey onto the table.

"Ha-ha-ha," Sasuke says flatly and I just smile.

They haven't been fighting anymore. I think Kiba finally realized that the situation is a lot more _delicate_ that he first thought. Sasuke let it out and I think he's forgiven Kiba since the on-field scuffle, though they haven't put it to words.

"So, what are we talking about?" Kiba asks.

"My… _ex_," Sasuke tells him in a light and careless voice.

"Why? Is he an ass or something?" Kiba pries.

"Try a complete psycho pervert," I mutter and Kiba grimaces in response.

"Anyway," Sasuke says, hinting at a change in subject. "Let's _not_ talk about me."

"But I enjoy it so much," Kiba sighs forlornly. "Your secrets are so much fun."

"Sadist," Sasuke murmurs.

Kiba shrugs carelessly. "You're probably a masochist."

I snort back a laugh. He has no fucking idea how right he is. It's just awful. But nonetheless, Kiba _has_ been a lot nicer to Sasuke lately. It's gone both ways. Sasuke is being nicer to Kiba, too. They still banter, but it doesn't hold as much malice as it once did. It's relieving to have a little peace between them, whether or not it'll last.

* * *

After school, I drive Sasuke home since carpooling saves him some gas. When we near his place, we see Mikoto leaving the house. Sasuke hops out of the car once I park on the side of the road and I don't hesitate to follow.

"Mom?" Sasuke watches her carefully.

"Hi, boys," she greets us.

"Where are you going?" he asks her.

"Everything is fine, sweetheart," she promises. "Don't worry."

What a load of shit!

Sasuke swallows. I watch his throat constrict. He bites on his bottom lip but doesn't say anything, he only nods. I put a hand on his shoulder, but I stay silent, too. She's probably lying and she's doing it so Sasuke won't have to worry.

"Itachi is being transferred…" she starts. "He won't be coming home for a while."

Sasuke nods again, slowly this time before saying, "Oh."

I wonder when it will all end and I wonder what will have to happen to make it end. It's unsettling to think about. I keep seeing Itachi die in my head. I keep seeing Sasuke die in my head. Fuck, I've even dreamt about it a few times. I don't want to see him die in real life. I don't think I'd be able to handle that. I love him, after all. Funny how easily the words come now. I feel like I could stand on the rooftop and shout it to the whole damn town.

Sasuke takes my hand in his. I feel him curl his fingers between mine and his grip is tight. I glance at him and offer a small, apologetic smile. There isn't anything I can say that might make it okay. "What do you want to do?" I ask.

"Let's get away from here," he murmurs, spinning around and dragging me down the driveway without another word. I wave to Mikoto as we leave, but Sasuke doesn't acknowledge her. His jaw tightens and he lets out a sharp breath as we make our way past my car and down the street.

"Sasuke…?" I say his name carefully.

"What?" he tersely answers.

"Is there anything I can do?" I offer.

"Just be quiet," he demands in a whisper. "I like you a lot more when you're not talking because too much shit comes out of your mouth."

"Harsh," I tell him, trying not to take what he says to heart. We continue down the street, past my house and onto the main road, where Sasuke finally lets go of me. He probably doesn't want anyone to see us holding hands. "Where are we going?" I ask.

"For a walk," he says.

I don't ask any more questions after that. In fact, I don't say another word. Sasuke is silent, too and for a while it's completely quiet apart from our footsteps. His pace is brisk, like he's trying to concentrate solely on walking instead of what his mother just told him a few minutes ago. It's for the best. Itachi needs help and maybe the hospital in Konoha can't give him what he really needs. I don't know.

"Why do bad things keep happening?" he murmurs out of the blue, stopping once we near a park.

"I don't know," I tell him.

He lets out an audible sigh, entering the park gates.

"Is this where…?" I trail off.

"No," he says quickly. "That was downtown."

"Oh," I mumble.

He approaches the swing set, sitting down on one of the swings. I sit with him, swinging back and forth. The chain gives a high pitched creak. "Why are we here?" I ask.

"Because," he says, "I needed fresh air."

I don't know how long we sit here in complete silence, but it begins to dim. "Sasuke?" I say his name. "We should go… you can hang at my place for a bit."

Rather than reply, he simply stands. I do the same and together we leave.

* * *

At my house, my parents are there with sympathetic expressions, but they don't mention what's happening. I guess Mikoto must've called them.

"Sasuke, your mother called... wondering where you went," Mom mentions.

Yup, there it is.

"Sorry," he murmurs.

She shakes her head, "It's okay. I'll give her a ring and tell her you're here."

"Thanks," he says quietly.

I usher him upstairs, where he sits on my bed. I sit down next to him and ask, "What do you want to do? Movie?"

"Sure," he says carelessly.

So, I grab my laptop and side-by-side we watch yet _another_ crummy film. Halfway through, his hand makes its way into my pants. I wrap my fingers around his wrist and say, "No."

"Why?" he asks quietly. "Because I had an STI?"

"No," I repeat, turning my head so we see eye to eye. "I just… you were…"

"Fuck you, Naruto," he murmurs, crossing his arms and staring away from me.

"Sasuke… don't be like this," I plead.

"Like what?" he snaps. "A big whore? Sorry, Naruto. My bad. I can't just turn my personality off."

He's pissing me off, but I don't let it show. "I just think it's best if we don't do anything like that right now…"

"You're rejecting me?" he asks, sounding as if it's an otherworldly possibility.

"No…!" I exclaim. "I just think we need to put things on pause you got hurt and it's not okay, even though you're _acting_ like it is. That's probably all it is - _acting_. You're probably upset still."

He scoffs. "Fuck you, prick. You don't know what's best for me. _I_ know what's best for me."

"No," I tell him honestly, "I don't think you do, Sasuke."

"If it's not you… I'll just go elsewhere. Other people would be happy to fuck me, even if you're not."

"Is that really what you want?" I ask, but he ignores me. "To be used yet again by a bunch of strangers who won't even remember your fucking name the next day?"

"I don't care…!" he shouts, still refusing to look at me.

"Liar," I murmur. "I think you do care. I think you care a lot."

He presses the palms of his hands to his eyes, letting out a string of loud, angry breaths. When I think he might start crying, he pauses. He places his hands on his lap and sits up straight. "No. I'm fine. I don't care."

I give him a weird look, but I decide not to question him this time – especially not if he's going to react like _that_.

The rest of the movie is awkward and tense. I can tell Sasuke is pissed off at me and he probably feels rejected. When it's over, Sasuke immediately stands up and walks towards the door. "Where are you going?" I ask him. "Home?"

"No."

"Well, then where are you going?" I ask him again.

He hovers near the door, placing a hand on the frame. He's staring down at the carpet and for a few moments, he's silent until – "Nowhere… everywhere."

"What does that _mean_, Sasuke?"

More silence.

"Don't run away again…" I plead weakly. "Please…"

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you to go," I tell him.

"You want me to stay…" he repeats with a sigh

I close my laptop and get off my bed, setting it on my desk before approaching Sasuke. I wrap my fingers around his wrist and say, "Yeah."

"Fine," he says with a sigh. He leans forward and pecks me on the lips. "I'll go home instead."

"I'll walk you," I volunteer.

"Fine, if you insist," he sighs at me.

"I do," I say.

Together, we exit my house. It's dark out by now and it doesn't take us long to walk up the street. Mikoto gives him a big hug upon his return and thanks me once more. Again, I'm not sure why, but I roll with it and smile as I bid them a goodnight.


	16. For better or for worse

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.**

**Man I'm so stressed out over how the manga is going to end tbh.**

**(Also thanks for over 200!) **

* * *

The following day, Sasuke begins panicking on our way to school. I can sense it before he even gets the words out. His breathing pattern changes. It gets loud, heavy… like he might have an attack. "Stop the car," he suddenly murmurs.

"What…?" I ask. "Why?"

"Just do it," he says.

"Gimme a sec," I mutter.

"Pull over!" he shouts frantically. "Pull over _now_!"

"Fucking chill," I shriek back, skidding onto the side of the road and feeling my adrenaline rising the more panicked Sasuke gets. Once the car stops, Sasuke flings the door open and exits the vehicle. He begins running as fast as he can and I don't hesitate to chase after him. "Fuck," I mutter to myself as I force my legs to carry me down the street, past the park and into a nearby forest. "Wait!" I shout at him. "Damn it…!"

Nonetheless, he doesn't stop so I keep chasing him, even after my legs start to tire. Once we're deep in the woods, he finally freezes. He begins laughing before being overcome with a wave of sobs. He sinks to the ground, clawing at his chest and hyperventilating.

When I finally catch up I'm at a loss of what to do. "Should… Should I call someone?" I ask shakily.

Sasuke doesn't answer. For a moment, it's quiet – too quiet – and then Sasuke starts to scream. I cover my ears, heart palpitating with shock at the sound he's emitting. I take a breath, lowering my hands. I kneel in front of him, but it doesn't even look like he sees me. I reach forward and put a hand on his shoulder and he finally stops. He takes in a ragged breath, raising a hand and hitting me in the chest. It's a pretty tired hit. He does it again and again. The hits are all half-hearted and they don't hurt, so I don't stop him. Soon, he pauses and shudders. He stands up and begins laughing again – laughing and shaking and crying.

"Sasuke…?" I say his name. I feel like I'm watching him descend into insanity. I don't know what to do. I know I can't bring him back if it does happen.

He lets out a sigh, sniffing and wiping his eyes. Then he starts running again. This time, it's harder to keep up because I'm still tired.

Eventually, I lose him and I get angry – at him and at myself and at this damn forest for being so fucking confusing. I close my eyes and take a deep, calm breath. I don't want to get angry. It doesn't solve anything. Shit just gets worse.

"Sasuke!" I call his name.

Nothing.

"Sasuke!" I try once more.

Again, nothing.

I'm getting worried. Who the hell knows what he'll do out alone in the woods? I take my cellphone out of my pocket. I guess there's nothing left to do now but call the cops to send a fuckin' search party for the both of us, 'cause I don't know how the fuck I'm getting out of here. I unlock the screen, only to find that I have no signal. Fucking great.

Fuck! I feel my throat constrict and the anger is coming back. I feel is throughout every inch of my physical and mental being – in every limb and every thought.

I continue walking around the forest, calling his name. I don't know for how long. It's quiet, though. Just the sounds of nature – sounds I'd usually find nice, but it's all pissing me off right now because these aren't the sounds I'm searching for. I just want to hear a voice – Sasuke's voice. Then I'll know he's okay and that he didn't do anything bad.

I check my phone again. An hour went by and there's still no service. I've never been in this forest before, so I don't even know how big it is but clearly it's pretty fucking big if I'm this lost.

"Sasuke!" I call again, feeling sickeningly desperate.

Nothing. Nothing, nothing, fucking nothing until –

"Naruto…?"

I turn around and there he is. His expression is no longer frenzied, but he looks paler than usual. I let out a relieved sigh. "Fucking hell, you scared me," I say with a sigh. He laughs in response. It's a different kind of laugh and it sounds strange coming from him. I frown because something doesn't seem right. "Where were you?" I ask. "Why'd you run off? Are you okay now?" The questions pour out. He laughs again and he sounds fucking insane. I allow my eyes to rake over every inch of him and that's when I see it – blood. It's on his hands. I reach forward and snatch one of his wrists, rolling up his sleeve to reveal a few shallow cuts and one deep, ragged looking cut. "Fuck…!" I exclaim, voice cracking. I grab his other wrist and roll up the sleeve. More blood. More cuts. I let out a miserable sob. "I can't help you here!" I shout at him, ignoring the fact that I'm probably crying. "We're lost!"

"I know," is all he says.

"You _know_…" I repeat in disbelief. I take my hoodie off, ripping strip of cloth off of it and tying it around Sasuke's wrist.

"Stop!" he shouts, struggling against my hold.

"No!" I hiss, backhanding him across the face. I don't do it hard, just enough to stun him – nonetheless it doesn't work. He's not fazed. It's like he's high off his emotions. "I'm going to help you, whether you want me to or not!"

"Stop!" he shouts again. "Stop! Stop! STOP!" Weakly, he pushes me away and when it looks like he's about to dart off again, I grab a handful of his hair.

"You're losing blood!" I scream. "You're dying! You're gonna fucking die!"

He stares at me, giving me a dull look. He doesn't look like he cares and there's something in his eyes that I can't quite place.

"Where'd you even get a knife?" I growl.

"Pocket knife," he corrects hoarsely. "I… I stole it from your… from your car before running out."

"Sasuke?" I say his name. He stumbles and I forcibly lie him down, wrapping the makeshift bandages around his wrists. Once they're tight, I urge him to stay away before carrying him bridal style.

I feel my energy coming back, but then again, it's probably just the adrenaline because I'm scared shitless.

"Stay awake… stay awake," I keep repeating, pleading with him even though I know it's in vain. "Stay awake!" I say again, louder this time.

He doesn't listen. Of course he doesn't fucking listen.

* * *

I don't know for how long I was running, but eventually I found the main. The amount of relief I felt was unimaginable.

Naturally, Sasuke is okay… but he scared the shit out of me and I start crying again when he wakes up. Sasuke doesn't look thrilled about it. He looks completely monotonous. "Sorry, my bad," is all he says. He doesn't sound it. His voice is flat and careless. He's probably irritated at me or maybe his futile attempt.

"You can't keep doing shit like this," I murmur, wiping my eyes. He's on a pretty dangerous streak lately. I don't want it to escalate. I don't want him to get it right next time and die. I don't think I'd be able to handle that.

"I know…" is all he says. He doesn't seem to care.

"Do you _want_ to kill yourself?" I ask weakly, desperate for answers I know I'll never get.

"No…" he sits up and stares at the bandages covering his arms, frowning.

"Then why did you try?"

"I can't put it into words," he admits. "There's no way I can make you understand."

I can't help but see where he's coming from. He's right. I don't understand. I probably never will because I'm not him and I don't know how he feels or what he's experiencing. I can't even begin to imagine it because I've never faced the kind of tragedies he's faced. I don't know what it would be like to lose someone. I don't know what it would be like to face death at the hand of someone you love. I don't fucking know. So all I muster up is, "Yeah."

"Do you still want me, even now?" he asks out of the blue.

"Yeah," I repeat.

"Why?" he scoffs. "My priorities are clearly lacking."

"It's not your fault," I offer. I prefer talking to him like this – when he's himself. But I guess I can't really pick and choose. He can't pick and choose either. He can't turn his negative emotions on and off. It'd be fuckin' stupid and selfish of me to even ask him to try. I need to accept him like this – and I do.

It sucks, though. Now both Itachi and Sasuke are in the hospital – though Itachi is in a different kind of hospital than Sasuke.

"I'll stop," he says suddenly.

"What?" I ask.

"I'll… I'll try harder," he murmurs.

"Will you?" I wonder. "Will you _really_?"

He presses his lips together, glancing past me. He doesn't bother responding.

* * *

I spend the following day with Kiba, who is full of questions I'm hesitant to answer. Even though it's not my story to share, I still feel the need to talk about it with someone who will actually let me, so I end up spilling my guts crying again. When I'm done talking, Kiba is wide-eyed but silent. He's at a loss, I can tell. For fuck's sake, I'm at a loss, too.

"I don't know what to say," he admits, patting my shoulder. His voice is uncharacteristically quiet and I don't have it in me to feel awkward, even though we've never really had a conversation like this before. Kiba is pretty happy go lucky. I guess I am, too… on most days, at least.

"There's nothing to be said," I tell him, pressing my fingertips to my closed eyelids. I sniffle loudly and exhale, but the tremors still won't stop.

"Yeah," he agrees softly.

Itachi is locked away again. It was bound to happen … but Mikoto wants him back home. Of fucking course. Nonetheless, it won't happen. Not this time.

It's all pretty messed up if you ask me. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about it. Nonetheless, Mikoto thinks that a hospital is worse for Itachi than being at home, though he can't be monitored when he's at home the way he can be in a hospital. I suppose I understand her point. At home, people care. At home, there's family. At the hospitals, they're being paid. There are some great doctors, but in opposition, there are lots of shitty ones, too.

"What now?" Kiba asks.

"I don't know," I admit.

"You shouldn't date him," he adds sheepishly.

"Why not?" I wonder, though I already know what he's going to tell me.

"He's a bit messed up, right?" Kiba starts. "I mean, I think his first priority should be himself. A relationship would only give him something else to worry about. He doesn't seem to need that. He has a lot on his plate."

"You make it sound like he can't have normal things," I murmur. "I'm not going to treat him like he's weak just because he's going through some shit."

"That's not what I'm saying…" Kiba insists.

"It sounds like that's exactly what you're saying," I retort.

He just rolls his eyes. "It's not a normal situation, to be blunt."

"Everyone has issues these days," I offer. "Some just have it worse than others and sometimes things can't be fixed. Sometimes all you can do is try to cope. I mean, look at me. I've got anger management problems. Look at you. You say every damn thing that comes to your mind. You never use filters. You offend people left and right. You're on Ritalin, but it doesn't help."

Kiba wrinkles his nose at me. "You think Sasuke will stay fucked up forever?" he wonders.

"He might," I consider. "That's why I'm just saying… I accept the way things are. I don't accept some of the stuff he does, but I accept his illness. I'm trying to learn more about it so I won't do the wrong thing. I _do_ want to be with him. That's not going to change. He's not going to scare me away, even if he wants to."

For a moment, Kiba only sighs. "You're stubborn when it comes to people you care about."

"I know," I snort. "It's a bit of a problem, isn't it?"

"Maybe not in this case," he admits with a shrug. "Just don't get your hopes up or anything."

"I won't," I say. "I've been warned already by one of Itachi's friends. He keeps telling me to prepare for the worst but just about every horrible thing I can imagine has happened to Sasuke. The only worse thing would be death, but he's managed to escape it."

"His luck might run out," Kiba murmurs. "Not to sound macabre, but it's true. He does a lot of risky things, huh? Well, one of these days he'll get bit in the ass and he'll be dead, whether by his own hand or someone else's. It'll be too late."

"Tsk," I click my tongue. "Don't say that…"

Kiba frowns at me. "I mean it, dude. Shit happens. It sucks, but people kill themselves all the time. People get murdered all the time. People get hurt. People die."

"I know," I say tersely.

"Sorry, dude," he apologises insincerely. "Just being honest."

"I know," I repeat myself in the same bitter tone. I don't want to be tart. I know he's just trying to help, but he's not. He's kind of bad at this stuff. He's even worse than I am when it comes to emotional shit. I kind of wish I could still talk to Sakura about important things, but I can't. Even if I could, I don't think I would. She'd hate me for it and I don't want her to hate me.

"So," Kiba says with finality. "What are you going to do next?"

"Wait," I tell him. "It's all I can do right now."

"You can't help him," Kiba adds.

"I know," I sigh. "Everyone keeps warning me of it."

"Well, you have a bit of a hero complex," Kiba notes. "You want to fix and save everyone, but you can't. Take this as a lesson."

"I know," I repeat, gritting my teeth.

"Nonetheless, maybe you can help him help himself," he relents.

"How?" I wonder.

Kiba shrugs. "I dunno, dude. You'll have to figure that part out. You know Sasuke better than I do."

"He just needs to cut all the shit out of his life and stop drifting towards dangerous people," I murmur.

But I've tried fucking hard to get him to distance himself from certain men. It didn't work out the way I planned. I just ended up making things worse for him.

* * *

On Monday, Sasuke is at school. He smiles at me in the hallway and he even nods at Kiba, who gets weirded out. He's probably trying to compensate for the shit that happened last week. I'm still tip-toeing around the issue. It hasn't been mentioned since the day it happened. I left it at that. I knew he didn't want to talk about it. Honestly, I didn't want to talk about it either. It'd be easier to just forget about it, but we shouldn't let that happen. If we do, there might be a repeat. I don't really want that.

In first period, me and Kiba find Sasuke and crowd him. I sit on his right while Kiba sits on his left. He gives us both a strange look, but doesn't question us. Instead, he looks straight ahead and pretends he doesn't know what we're doing.

A few minutes later, the teacher walks in and class begins. Sasuke looks studious as ever, but I'm sure his mind is wandering. I know mine is… then again, I was never the smart type. I look past Sasuke and see that Kiba is doodling a cartoon dog on his loose leaf paper. Productive. But at least he's doing _something_, unlike me. I'm just sitting here worrying about things I have zero control over.

* * *

"I don't need a drive today," Sasuke tells me after classes.

"Why not?" I ask.

"I've got one already," he says.

"Oh," I state.

"There he is," Sasuke points. "Bye, Naruto."

"See yah…" I mumble. I watch him walk away, getting into a car. I squint, trying to see the face of the man sitting in the front seat but I can't. All I see is a head of silver hair. At least I know it's not the bio teacher. I'll take comfort in that much.

For now, I shrug it off and make my way to the parking lot, getting into my car and driving home. My mom greets me when I step inside and I force a smile, feeling tired.

"What is it?" she asks.

"Stressed out," I tell her.

"Want to talk about it?" she offers. "I'm making tea. Have a cup and tell me what's wrong."

"All right," I relent. I follow her back into the kitchen and sit at the table while she stands in front of the stove, steeping tea leaves in a pot. I watch as she gets out two cement mugs and a strainer, pouring the tea inside. A moment later, she turns the stove off and sits across from me, placing two cups on the table – one for her and one for me. I wrap my fingers around the warm cup and stare at the steam rising.

"So…" she starts. "Is it Sasuke?"

"Yeah," I murmur. I don't bother asking her how she knows. She is well aware of the situation. We're sleeping together. She probably understands it goes deeper, though. I fell apart when he went missing. Hell, I've been falling apart a lot lately. "I love him," I admit aloud for the first time.

She doesn't look surprised. She simply nods sagely. "I had a feeling you might."

"Really?" I wonder.

She nods once more. "You're different with him. You both challenge each other. I don't think that's a bad thing, though. I think you both need it. You're good for one another. You complement each other."

I force a weary smile. "I know he feels something for me, too, but he won't say it. He's kind of… all over the place. Plus, I'm not the only guy he's… y'know. I'm far from it."

"I see," she says softly before taking a sip of tea.

"I'm so worried he's going to kill himself," I choke. "Itachi's friend Kisame told me I better prepare for it. I don't want to, though. I don't want to teach myself to expect the worst."

"He's a very sick boy," Mom murmurs.

"I know," I say bitterly.

"He's gotten himself into so much recently," she continues. "Mikoto told me what happened to him. She said you told her he got assaulted by a teacher."

"Ex teacher," I mutter. "And he didn't get _assaulted_… He didn't just get beat up or battered. He was fucking raped."

Mom closes her eyes. "I know."

"I feel like it made things worse," I say, "but he's just bottling everything up. It's like he isn't sure how to express himself… or maybe he just can't bear it."

"Perhaps he's afraid to express himself," Mom suggests. "Then the reality of it will sink in."

"Sometimes… I think it'd be best if he went to a hospital," I admit. "Maybe it would help him? But then again, maybe not… Either way, Mikoto would never go for it. She wants to take care of her sons on her own."

Mom smiles somewhat sadly. "We never told you, but your father spent a month in an institution," she reveals.

That surprises me. "What?" I ask hoarsely.

"It was a little while before you were born. I was still working as a secretary, so your father was able to take unpaid leave from work," she starts. "You remember he used to get panic attacks?"

"Yeah," I nod slowly.

"He's… such an anxious man," she says with a soft sigh. "It was affecting everything he did. It got to be too much. He was unhappy. He wasn't looking forward to anything,even with you on the way… So I suggested he take a break from the real world."

"And he did?" I ask.

She nods. "He didn't even fight me on it. He knew I was right. So, he signed himself in. I went to visit him as much as I could. The doctors helped him manage his anxiety. They showed him how to cope. I think he broadened his mind, strange as it sounds. After just half a month, he was so much better. A few weeks after he left, you were born. He cried happy tears."

I smile slightly. "Dad and Sasuke are pretty different, though."

"True," Mom agrees, "but sometimes, if you go in with determination, something good might happen. I think it's worth a try."

"I don't know," I groan. "I just feel like Sasuke is the type of person who would be so angry at being forced into a hospital that nothing good would come of it. Plus… some hospitals have pretty bad reps."

You hear horror stories of people being stripped of their clothes, subdued, locked in isolation. It sounds like shit.

"Not the one in Konoha," Mom promises.

"Is that where Itachi stays?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Oh," I say. "I guess, in the end, it's up to Sasuke."

"It is," Mom agrees. "Maybe he'll learn how to manage his illness better."

"Maybe," I mumble. "I… I really want him to be happy."

She smiles sympathetically. "I know, honey… but sometimes happiness is something certain people never find."

"Yeah," I whisper. I close my eyes and take a sip of tea – a long sip. It's no longer hot. It's just warm. It tastes calm. I try to let that feeling take me over… but it won't. I open my eyes and set the cup back down. My hands are shaking. I rest them on my lap to my mom won't see. Nonetheless, I think she has. She gives me another sympathetic smile, reaching forward and offering her palm. I let out a breath, giving her one of my hands. She holds it in hers, but doesn't say anything for a long time. Neither do I. My chest feels tight. It feels heavy. I feel heavy. I don't like it. Part of me wants to go back to where I was a few months ago, before this ever happened. Before I really got to know Sasuke. Before things got difficult… But that's just stupid. You can't go back. You can't ever go back. People who only worry about what has been will always be sad.

As if reading my mind, Mom says, "Don't think about yesterday. Don't think about tomorrow. Don't think about what happened a few minutes ago or what will happen in the next few minutes. Just spend some time concentrating on this second."

"I don't know how," I admit weakly.

"Clear your mind," she says gently. "Just relax."

"Every time I try, my mind starts to wander," I tell her.

She smiles slightly. "Things won't stay bad forever, Naruto."

"But right now, things _are_ bad," I say. "I want it to stop."

"Someday it will," she promises.

I let out yet another breath. I know she's trying to make me feel better. Maybe she has, but only slightly. I guess the rest is up to me. I can't let my happiness depend on Sasuke. I'm not a parasite. I can't depend on him.

Happiness… I should try and find it within myself. Funny, I used to think I _was_ happy. Then I realized I was just pretending. Fake it 'til you make it, right? Well, I never quite made it… but I should keep trying.

Mom squeezes my hand before letting go. "Don't think about Sasuke, Naruto."

"I'm trying not to," I admit, but it's not working. "What would happen if Sasuke and me were together?"

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"Would I make things worse?" I wonder.

She shakes her head. "You wouldn't make things better and you wouldn't make things worse, Naruto. That's the reality of it. You won't do a damn thing to change him. He needs to be the one to make the change."

"Yeah," I sigh. "I thought so."

What Kisame told me is probably true. I can't save everyone. I can't keep playing the hero. It's just crap. I need to get this through my thick head and just accept the reality of the situation.

"How do you feel?" Mom asks.

"I don't know," I murmur. "Kind of numb."

"Why don't you take a nap or watch a movie," she suggests.

"Are you busy?" I ask her.

She shakes her head.

"Can you watch something with me?" My voice is kind of pitiful.

"Sure, sweetie," she says. She takes her empty cup and my half-empty cup, placing them in the sink. Together, we exit the kitchen and enter the living room. I pick a stupid movie – one that might make us laugh. As it plays, I lie my head on my mom's lap and she plays with my hair. I feel like a child again, though I'm not. I'll be eighteen years old soon enough. I'll be graduating soon. I'll be in college. I'll be getting a job. I'll be moving out. I'll be paying bills. I'll be doing all kinds of things I have no idea how to do.

Shit. I really need to stop thinking.

I close my eyes and try to blank my mind. I just concentrate on the sensation of my mom's fingers running through my hair. I don't speak. Neither does she. The room is silent apart from the voices coming from the television, but this time, I don't mind.


	17. Confrontations

**Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.**

**Thank you for such sweet reviews :') **

* * *

I'm home alone late on Saturday night when the doorbell starts to ring. I run downstairs to answer it and spot Sasuke and Sakura standing on my doorstep. What a weird pair. Sakura looks concerned and Sasuke looks unaware. Plus, he's got a scratch on his face. I wonder who it's from this time.

"Er," I pause. "Hey, guys… What's up?"

"I found Sasuke walking around downtown by himself," Sakura says quietly. "I pulled up and offered him a ride home, but he wanted me to take him to you…"

"Ah," I say, opening the door wider and allowing them both inside. I put both my hands on Sasuke's shoulder and steer him up the stairs and into the bathroom. He sits on the toilet seat lid and I fish the first aid kit out from under the sink. Sakura hovers in the doorway, having followed us upstairs.

"He tripped," she says, almost as if she can't believe the ever-graceful Sasuke Uchiha would do something so indignant. "He fell face first…!"

"Oh," I murmur. I guess that's a bit of a relief. At least no one hit him. That means he didn't get himself into trouble… Or, at least not too much trouble.

"Your mom told my mom you've been sad lately," Sasuke murmurs out of the blue. His voice sounds strange to my ears and it doesn't take a genius to figure out he's far from sober.

"Did she now?" I ask offhandedly as I clean the cut, just to be safe.

He nods slowly once I'm done. "They were talking on the phone… and I heard a bit of what my mom was saying. She wanted to know how you were doing…"

"Oh," is all I say.

"Why?" he asks.

"Why what?" I respond.

"Why're you sad?"

"I'm not," I tell him.

"Is it 'cause of me?"

"No," I say flatly. "It's not because of you."

He lets out a breath. "You're lying."

I glance at Sakura from the corner of my eye. She looks confused and curious. I try to ignore her.

"Sasuke?" I say his name.

"Hm?" he muses.

"What are you on right now?" I ask him.

"Hmm… Cocaine," he says.

"You know… you seem to do a lot of cocaine," I mutter.

"I like it."

Sakura looks scandalized. If the entire situation wasn't so fucked up and sad, I might laugh.

"You should probably stop," I suggest, though it's probably in vain.

"No," he says easily. "I feel pretty good."

I relent for now, knowing it's no good arguing with him like this… or at all. "So, who did you get it from?"

He squints, as if he's trying to remember. "No," he murmurs. "I can't tell."

"Why not?"

"You'll get _mad_," he says, sounding whiny.

I let out a sigh. That gives me my answer. "Oh," is all I say. I put the first aid kit away and urge Sasuke to his feet.

We exit the bathroom. I spare Sakura a glance and the three of us go back downstairs and settle in the living room. "So, uh," I pause. "What do you guys want to do?"

"How about telling me exactly what's going on?" Sakura asks coldly, crossing her arms.

"How about _no_?" Sasuke retorts, mocking her tone.

She looks taken aback, though I don't know why. Sasuke isn't especially nice to her, though I suppose he's never mocked her before. He just pretends she doesn't exist. In his world, she doesn't. It's because he doesn't care. The only time he acknowledges her is when she's clingy. Then he'll tell her she's annoying and walk off. She doesn't act like that anymore, though she still wants him.

"Sakura," I cut in. "I _really_ think you need to go home."

"I drove him here," she bites. "I deserve to know what's going on."

"I didn't _ask_ you to drive me anywhere," Sasuke mutters. "You offered and I accepted. I didn't think there was going to be a fuckin' trade-off, for fuck's sake!"

"I'm not leaving," she declares with finality.

"Fine," Sasuke shrugs her off.

"Fine," I repeat him slowly and awkwardly, not wanting them to fight. I put the television on some stupid reality show I know Sakura likes to watch. Sasuke is spacing out, so he won't be complaining about the on screen shit storm. I sit in the middle of the three-seater, with Sakura and Sasuke on other sides of me. Sasuke is restless. I can tell. He won't sit still. "Do you want anything?" I ask him.

"Water," he says.

I nod, standing up. "Sakura?" I offer.

"I'm fine, Naruto," she says quietly.

"All right," I murmur before leaving the room. I fetch a glass of water for Sasuke, handing it to him once I return. He thanks me and sips it slowly.

Sakura watches him with a forlorn look on her face.

"Naruto?" Sasuke says my name.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Can I stay here tonight?"

"Yeah, of course," I tell him. "You know you don't even need to ask."

"Thanks," he murmurs.

"Anytime," I reply.

It's silent again. We all watch the TV screen. To be honest, I'm kind of spacing out as well. I think we all are. We're watching the TV, but none of us are really paying attention. The plot isn't registering. Nothing is. We're just thinking about each other. We're all thinking about what's happening in the room and all the things that have gone unsaid.

It's too tense in here.

"I need a drink," I mutter, not bothering to offer Sakura anything because I know she'd decline. I don't bother offering Sasuke any either, because I know alcohol is the last thing he needs right now. Nonetheless, he stands up and follows me into the kitchen, leaving Sakura alone on the sofa.

I pour myself a shot of bourbon, downing it and trying not to cringe at the taste. I do a few more shots, drinking until I feel lighter – not quite drunk but not quite sober, either.

The entire time, Sasuke watches, not once telling me to stop. "Make her leave," he whispers.

"Why?" I ask, rinsing the shot glass out and putting the liquor away.

"I don't want her here," he says shakily.

"Why?" I ask again.

"Just make her leave," he whispers harshly, undoing the button on his jeans and pulling them below his hips. "I'll let you fuck me once she's gone, if that's incentive."

"It's not," I mutter moodily, pulling his pants back up. I start to button them, but he slaps my hand away. "We're not having sex," I tell him with finality. We haven't in a while. It wouldn't be right.

He doesn't reply to that. Instead, he leans forward and fastens his mouth to mine. Unable to push him away, I bring my hands up and cup his face, nudging his lips apart with my tongue. He lets out a quiet, little moan and the sound goes straight to my dick. I feel his frantic hands move beneath my t-shirt until –

"What the _fuck_!"

I pull away apart quickly and Sakura is standing in the doorway. I can see a range of emotions on her face. She's shocked and she's hurt and she's betrayed and she's confused as ever.

Sasuke presses his lips together, not saying a word. "Fuck," I growl, rubbing my eyes with my palms before slamming them down onto the countertop. "FUCK!"

Sakura lets out a bitter, angry laugh. "Naruto, what the hell is this?" she asks harshly. "Is this some kind of joke against me? If so, it's pretty fucked up."

"He's in _loooove_ with me," Sasuke says tauntingly, buttoning his pants back up. I can't help but wonder how he knew. Then again, he always seems to know. He reads me like a book.

Sakura's eyes are wet and I have a hard time looking into them. "Naruto, is he being serious?"

"Yeah," I whisper and Sasuke gives me a callous smile.

Sakura lets out another angry laugh, shaking her head. "What the hell? Did you just _conveniently_ forget I was just sitting in the other room? Or did you _want_ me to see you? Is this my punishment for using you? I thought you forgave me…"

"It doesn't matter," I murmur. "No matter how I said it, you'd still react the same way."

She's flush-faced and pissed. I can tell. It's been a long time since I've seen her this angry at something I've done. I half expect her to punch me, but she doesn't. Sasuke isn't fazed. He just sits at the table, resting his elbow on the table and resting his chin in his palm. "Who cares?" he drawls. "Why does any of this matter? Neither of you have a chance with me."

I can't help but chuckle at that, though I feel sick to my stomach. I'm not sure if it's grief or alcohol. "I've fucked you more times than I can count, asshole," I bite out shakily. "So don't bother going there."

"Seriously?" Sakura chokes on the word.

"Shut up!" Sasuke suddenly shouts. He gets to his feet and stands in front of me, eying me angrily.

"Make me!" I shout back. Sakura lets out a sob, the whole ordeal upsetting her. I'm not sure which part she hates the most: that Sasuke is gay or that I'm the one that got him first.

"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" he screams at me.

"Want me to fucking _beat_ you?" I threaten loudly, wanting him to quiet down and stop making such a fucking scene.

"Wouldn't be the first time!" Sasuke spits. "Come on, Naruto! _Hurt_ me! I know you want to!"

"No, Sasuke," I growl. "That's what _you_ want, you sick fucker! You're the one with a taste for pain and punishment!"

He shoves me and before I can help it I've got my fingers around his throat.

"Naruto, stop!" Sakura pleads shakily. "Please… Naruto…"

Sasuke remains silent, staring right into my eyes. "Do it," he whispers, craning his neck. "Make it end and I'll be yours forever. No one else will have me ever again. That's what you're afraid of, right? I fuck and I fuck and I fuck… I guess I can't help it."

What a joke. What a load of crap. I feel my fingers tighten and Sakura starts crying even louder… but then I stop. I let Sasuke go. I'm not that kind of person… I'm not.

"Fuck you," he says in a whisper.

"Fuck you, too," I reply.

"You're weak," he murmurs.

"You're weaker."

Sakura sinks to the floor, sobbing openly. I sink to the floor next to her and so does Sasuke. The three of us sit silently, apart from Sakura's crying.

"I'm sorry," I say after a few minutes. I don't know who it's directed at. Probably the both of them.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Sasuke mutters.

"I didn't do anything right, either," I reply.

Sakura raises her head and stares at me and Sasuke.

"Sakura," Sasuke says her name calmly, in a buttery-smooth tone – the voice he uses to charm people.

"What is it?" she asks.

"Don't tell anyone," he warns.

"I won't," she promises quietly. She wipes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths. "What now?"

"I don't know," I admit.

"When did _this_ start?" she asks.

"Months ago," I tell her. "We got drunk and it's just something that kind of happened and hasn't yet ended."

Sasuke rubs his forehead, as if he's got a headache or maybe he's just trying to suppress the rest of his anger. I know Sakura is the last person he wants knowing the details of his personal life, but it's too late. He kissed me first tonight. He unbuttoned his own damn jeans. It's his own fucking fault.

"What about your girlfriend?" Sakura asks, staring at Sasuke, who doesn't bother responding.

"It was a lie," I tell her tartly. "He doesn't have a girlfriend. He has a fifty year old man that likes to treat him like crap."

She grimaces at that. "Why?"

"This isn't your business," Sasuke cuts in tersely. "Stop asking questions… and Naruto, stop fucking answering her, you stupid piece of shit!"

Harsh.

"I'm just trying to understand," Sakura whispers, drying her eyes.

"It's not yours to understand, so stop," he demands.

Instead of looking upset, she gives me a strange look. Then she takes a page out of my book and says, "Don't be a bastard."

I stifle a snicker, pissing him off even more. "You know what?" he starts. "You guys should get back together. Clearly you deserve one another."

Sakura lets out a sigh. "I'm actually feeling relieved," she says.

"Why?" I ask.

Instead of answering, she dismisses the question. "I'm going home," she says suddenly. "I can see I'm clearly not needed or wanted."

"Sakura –" I try, but she cuts me off and shakes her head.

"It's fine, Naruto. We'll talk soon. I'm not mad anymore." She forces a smile in my direction and I do the same, then she stands up.

Sasuke follows her a moment later and the two of them walk down the hallway. In his intoxicated state, he's not going to let this go. I can hear them murmuring to one another. I stand up and move closer, listening to them speak from around the corner.

"You feel the same way," she says, calling him out instead of responding to any of his sass.

"What?" Sasuke bites.

"You feel the same way," she repeats herself. "You love him back."

He scoffs at her. "No."

"You do," she insists. "You soften when you look at him… even when you're angry, it's like you need to try hard to stay angry. It's a conscious effort, but when the moment is over all the anger melts away quickly."

He laughs at her. "Funny, that. You're pretending you know me."

"You're different with him," she muses. "Different than you are with anyone else. It's always been that way, huh? He gets you going and vice versa."

"You don't know that," he challenges.

"You're right," she relents. "I guess I'm just assuming things… but nonetheless, I think I'm right."

He remains silent, but he's probably mean-mugging the hell outta her right now.

"Don't be selfish," she says to him.

"You're not allowed to talk to me like this."

"Hm," she muses. "Naruto was right all along, you know. I had this idea of you in my head. I believed the façade you put out for everyone to see. Tonight… that was the real you, wasn't it? That isn't what I thought I loved. What I thought I loved doesn't even exist. You're not nice, Sasuke. That's why I'm relieved. I knew I would never get to have you, but… I don't think I even want you anymore. You're not nice. You're just playing with Naruto because you don't know what to do with the way you feel about him. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves better than you."

"I'm _sick_," he bites. "That isn't going to change."

"I know," she says lightly. "Naruto told me it was a rumor but I didn't quite believe him… especially not after tonight's events. Either way, I don't care. I've learned something recently, you know. I've learned that no matter what, you don't have an excuse to go around treating people like crap. Naruto helped me learn that. People deserve to be treated well. Even you, Sasuke. You need to treat yourself better. I think when that happens, you'll find it easier to be nice to others."

"Tch," he clicks his tongue. "You don't even know me. You're not allowed to talk to me like this."

He says that a lot. He says people aren't _allowed_ to talk to him with harsh honesty. He gets mad when they do.

"Like what?" she asks him. "I'm just being honest. I'm not being malicious, unlike you. You need help, Sasuke. I mean it. You need major help."

"I go to a doctor," he says.

"Sure, but I doubt you actually _talk_ to your doctor. You probably just sit there angrily, crossing your arms and watching the clock," she speaks carelessly. The words come out easy for her. I guess she's no longer afraid of pissing him off or getting on his bad side. Or maybe she's just trying to compensate for how upset she really is. I wouldn't be surprised. She can be so spiteful.

"You don't fucking know me!" he snaps.

"You're easy to read," she responds smoothly.

Sasuke doesn't say anything else. He probably wants to kill her, though. I choose now to reveal myself. I round the corner and say, "What's going on?"

Neither of them acknowledges me. "You're beautiful," she says to Sasuke. "I mean it. You're the most beautiful person I've ever met, but your insides make you ugly."

"I don't _care_," he says harshly. "Just don't tell anyone about any of this."

"Sakura…" I murmur her name, deciding to cut in. "That's enough. Please…"

She slips her shoes back on and looks at me. "Well, now is a good a time as ever. Want to come outside and talk to me for a few minutes?"

"Sure," I say. I glance at Sasuke and say, "You can go lie down upstairs if you want."

He mutters something indiscriminate – probably an insult – before turning around. Once he leaves, I step outside with Sakura. We sit on the wooden steps and she says, "I think you deserve better."

"You don't know him like I do," I tell her. "You've seen him on a bad night."

"What's he usually like?" she wonders.

"He's pretty sensitive and he cries a lot," I admit, though he'd probably hate me for saying it aloud. "He wants to protect himself from getting hurt emotionally so he hurts himself physically. He spends too much time around people that _don't_ treat him right and avoids the people that _do_ treat him right… But then, around me, he'll break. He'll be himself. He'll be real. He's soft spoken, but cynical. He has a pretty dry sense of humor. There are times when he'll laugh a lot – genuinely laugh. I swear, it's my favorite sound in the world. He's just... not doing well lately."

She smiles lightly, but it's forced. I can tell. "Sounds like you really do love him."

"Yeah," I sigh. "Weird."

"I guess it's not _that_ weird," she considers. "I shouldn't be surprised. Kids used to joke around and call you guys gay because of the time you accidentally smooched."

"Heh," I chuckle. "Even our parents joked around about that."

"Hey, Naruto…?" she asks, the tone of her voice changing.

"What is it?"

"Are you sad?" she asks. "He said you were…"

"I don't know," I admit. "I'm all over the place lately. I'm worried."

"Why?" she pries.

I close my eyes and let out a breath. "On our way to school a while ago, he started freaking out in the car. I thought he was having a panic attack but he wasn't. When I pulled over, he got out of the car and just started running. I didn't hesitate to run after him, but we got lost in the forest. I couldn't find him. When I did, he was bleeding." I clear my throat, trying not to choke on the words. "He tried to kill himself."

Sakura's eyes go wide. "What?" she asks weakly.

"Yeah," I whisper.

She covers her mouth with her palm. "Oh, God…" she whispers.

"Yeah," I repeat myself. "The person you saw in there today… that wasn't him either, Sakura. It was just another façade… or maybe the drugs."

She smiles sadly. "Really, Naruto? You're in love with him, so maybe you don't see it… There's never an excuse for the way he acts."

"He's not a bad person," I insist. "I love him, yeah, but it doesn't mean my judgement is clouded. It just means I see the parts of him others don't."

"All right," she says softly. A moment later, she stands up, fishing her car keys out of her sweater pocket. "I should head home, it's getting late."

"Bye," I murmur.

She smiles at me one last time before leaving. I watch her pull out of the driveway before going inside. I go upstairs and find Sasuke in my bed. I move closer and see that he's asleep, but his cheeks are wet so he was probably crying. It makes me feel bad… but he's in my bed, so he must not be mad. I find that immensely relieving.

I leave the room and enter the bathroom, stripping out of my day clothes, taking a piss, brushing my teeth and washing my face. I go back into my room and put on a pair of pajama pants before getting into bed with Sasuke. I roll onto my side and inch towards him, so he's pressed against me.

It's quiet, but I can hear him breathing. It's comforting. I wrap an arm around him, touching his chest. I can feel his heart. For some reason, it's comforting, too.

I close my eyes, trying once again to blank my mind but it keeps on wandering.


End file.
